If some of you know about my past, you would know about the period I was rejected in Form 4. Like a dozen times. That was the time I went to God. I couldn't fit in.
I was not cool, didn't play basketball or football, wasn't scoring too well in my grades, life was boring and laziness was the most reasonable response I can give to anyone.
Well, there were parts I didn't like about myself. But there were also many parts I didn't like about others. Why can't they accept me, I asked myself. But through the years, I suppose that not everybody behaves (or want to) behave like God.
Nowadays, I get rejected once in a while.
Sometimes, there is a sense of vengeance in me. Reject me once, reject me twice - if I happen to be nice, reject me the third time. Thats it. Well - I so wanted to just say I reject you too then. But well, a rejection from a person who is rejected 3 times would probably not mean much.
Well, I'll just go back to God then.
Sometimes, I keep that rejection in my mind and let it brood anger and hatred. It feels so satisfying to stab the person in my mind, make the person a slave - all in my imagination.
Then out of nowhere, often something sparks in my mind.
God accepted me unconditionally. I ought to do the same for others. Other people are like me. Sometimes I am likable, sometimes not so likable. God is patient with me. God is patient with them. Or we would all be dead. Hating other people is un-Christian. Forgive just as I have been forgiven.
Sometimes it feels like crap and I say in my mind...
"Lucky for you, you little idiot, God saved your skin - I'm letting you off just because I trust in God"
Then within a split second, I know what I just said is also true for myself.
But nonetheless, I still hate rejection. And I don't think an average person in the world ever likes it. Its hard not to take it personally. I read of advice all over the place "Don't take it personally". Sometimes, I feel that not taking things personally reduces my ability to communicate with others on a more personal level. Truly, I can't just choose to hear things that I like, and remain deaf to criticisms, even baseless ones.
Whats my philosophy in dealing with rejection? Well, nothing psychologically advanced. I think the best way is to know that Jesus too, has been rejected before - and many in the world continues it. The more important part is that He knows what I feel, and He accepts me.
I have heard Him say "He who lives by the sword, will die by the sword"
Whether there is some profound theology in that, I do not know, but this I know
"He who lives based on the acceptance of others, will be disappointed in the same manner"
I think it is okay for little children to get hurt. Provided that they have a Parent to be there for them. Or else, it probably won't matter too much whether the little child is hurt or not.
I'm glad that God was always there for me. Sometimes I feel that He came a little late. But I know He will always be there for me. Thank you, God.
I would be most happy to hear some stories from the few little readers that I have. Please encourage me, it probably sounds silly - but I think I would be greatly encouraged to hear similar stories.
This little song reminds me many things, I hope it does the same for you too.
enjoy a beautiful song with me
Monday, February 4, 2008
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Books for loan
Since I won't be carrying too many books when I leave, I was thinking of putting them to better use. Below is a list of the books that I read - and find them helpful and informative. I will include the book title, author, and a brief description.
1. Title : Prayer and Faith
Author : R.A. Torrey
Description : 5 books in 1: Your Life in God, How to bring them to Christ, The power of Prayer, God, The Bible, and You, The Bible Answer Book. Simple language helpful to understand various concepts. Informative in nature.
2. Title : Prayer
Author : E.M. Bounds
Description : 7 books in 1: Purpose in Prayer, The Necessity of Prayer, The Possibilities of Prayer, Essentials of Prayer, Obtaining Answers to Prayer, Power through Prayer, The Weapon of Prayer. Very in depth, takes commitment to read it through.
3. Title : Becoming a Coaching Leader
Author : Daniel Harkavy
Description : Haven't even read a page. Reputable publisher
4. Title : Deliver Us From Evil - Restoring the Soul in a Disintegrating Culture
Author : Ravi Zacharias
Description : Highly intellectual. Goes in depth into the philosophy and nature of the evil and plague that plagues humanity. Challenging.
5. Title : A Biography of John Sung
Author : Leslie T. Lyall
Description : 20th century evangelist. Highly reputable in the Christian circle. A man of great service and sacrifice. "The greatest evangelist China has ever known".
6. Title : The Jesus I never knew
Author : Philip Yancey
Description : Very good read. Goes into various aspects of Jesus life, historical roots, meanings and motives of different events and action. Very interesting.
7. Title : My Utmost for His Highest
Author : Oswald Chambers
Description : Hailed as one of the best devotionals. One year devotional, very compact and challenging.
8. Title : Biblical Christianity
Author : John Calvin
Description : 16th century intellectual giant introduces basic Christianity in simple language. Very concise. Good read. Answers quite a few challenging questions on Theology.
9. Title : Out of the Saltshaker and into the world
Author : Rebecca Manley Pippert
Description : Contemporary evangelism. Highly instructive, filled with great stories to help you witness more effectively.
10. Title : Grace and Power
Author : Charles Spurgeon
Description : 5 books in 1: Grace, God's Unmerited Favor, Power in the Blood, Being God's Friend, Joy in Christ's presence, Holy Spirit Power, The Second Coming of Christ. One of the finest preachers of 19th Century England. Emphasis on the Grace of God. Very refreshing. Very good read for the weary soul.
11. Title : the 360 Leader
Author : John Maxwell
Description : Leadership top-down, peer to peer, and down-up.
12. Title : Winning With People
Author : John Maxwell
Description : Modern day Dale Carnagie book. Relational and Communication skills to enrich everybody's lives.
13. Title : Mere Christianity
Author : C.S. Lewis
Description : 20th Century intellectual giant. Introduction-Apologetics of Christianity. Good read for skeptics, new, and also seasoned believers.
There are probably a few more books in my room lying around here and there. If anybody wants these books, just leave a note and I'll see how to get it to you.
A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read
- Mark Twain
1. Title : Prayer and Faith
Author : R.A. Torrey
Description : 5 books in 1: Your Life in God, How to bring them to Christ, The power of Prayer, God, The Bible, and You, The Bible Answer Book. Simple language helpful to understand various concepts. Informative in nature.
2. Title : Prayer
Author : E.M. Bounds
Description : 7 books in 1: Purpose in Prayer, The Necessity of Prayer, The Possibilities of Prayer, Essentials of Prayer, Obtaining Answers to Prayer, Power through Prayer, The Weapon of Prayer. Very in depth, takes commitment to read it through.
3. Title : Becoming a Coaching Leader
Author : Daniel Harkavy
Description : Haven't even read a page. Reputable publisher
4. Title : Deliver Us From Evil - Restoring the Soul in a Disintegrating Culture
Author : Ravi Zacharias
Description : Highly intellectual. Goes in depth into the philosophy and nature of the evil and plague that plagues humanity. Challenging.
5. Title : A Biography of John Sung
Author : Leslie T. Lyall
Description : 20th century evangelist. Highly reputable in the Christian circle. A man of great service and sacrifice. "The greatest evangelist China has ever known".
6. Title : The Jesus I never knew
Author : Philip Yancey
Description : Very good read. Goes into various aspects of Jesus life, historical roots, meanings and motives of different events and action. Very interesting.
7. Title : My Utmost for His Highest
Author : Oswald Chambers
Description : Hailed as one of the best devotionals. One year devotional, very compact and challenging.
8. Title : Biblical Christianity
Author : John Calvin
Description : 16th century intellectual giant introduces basic Christianity in simple language. Very concise. Good read. Answers quite a few challenging questions on Theology.
9. Title : Out of the Saltshaker and into the world
Author : Rebecca Manley Pippert
Description : Contemporary evangelism. Highly instructive, filled with great stories to help you witness more effectively.
10. Title : Grace and Power
Author : Charles Spurgeon
Description : 5 books in 1: Grace, God's Unmerited Favor, Power in the Blood, Being God's Friend, Joy in Christ's presence, Holy Spirit Power, The Second Coming of Christ. One of the finest preachers of 19th Century England. Emphasis on the Grace of God. Very refreshing. Very good read for the weary soul.
11. Title : the 360 Leader
Author : John Maxwell
Description : Leadership top-down, peer to peer, and down-up.
12. Title : Winning With People
Author : John Maxwell
Description : Modern day Dale Carnagie book. Relational and Communication skills to enrich everybody's lives.
13. Title : Mere Christianity
Author : C.S. Lewis
Description : 20th Century intellectual giant. Introduction-Apologetics of Christianity. Good read for skeptics, new, and also seasoned believers.
There are probably a few more books in my room lying around here and there. If anybody wants these books, just leave a note and I'll see how to get it to you.
A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read
- Mark Twain
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Patients
No, it is not patience. Though I think I have little of it anyway.
With the recent increase in the death of people I know and some sick friends...
I have been considering a few things that patients have to face.
1. Fear of Death
The sicknesses these days seem to kill more and more people. A fever is no longer just a fever. It could be dengue fever, it could be this or that. The people that I know are sick recently - 2 died, another 3 would die without intensive treatment and some form of operation. I recently found a new friend - she has some sort of blood cancer. She would faint, she feels weak all over. Just today she went to the toilet 8 times, diarrhea. Headache so bad that she cannot sleep well, fever in the middle of the night. Perhaps these are not as bad as the thought of dying. Though all men die, men who fear death are few.
"Saya selalu fikir - ntah apa jadi kalau orang mati. Negatif kan? Ntah la, susah nak tidur. Pikir aja..."
Andriany Efendi
2. Fear of Loneliness
One friend who just died recently, always had at least 5 people in her ward every time I see her. Andriany had an average of 1 person every time. I have known people who averaged less than 1. There are many more in government hospitals who can forget about hoping to see their relatives. They are more or less stranded in the hospital. I remember the last time i was sick for around 2 or 3 days. On one of the days, I was totally alone. Although I still had great friends, and that I was only lonely in a "physical" way, I felt as if I had no friends. I can't exactly imagine what it is like to be left alone for a few days, let alone weeks and months. I think, loneliness can be much scarier that death - most of the time. Its hard to think that somebody wants or love you or see you through when you are sick, weak, no longer as physically appealing as you are, and giving much trouble.
3. Fear of change
So many things could be different. Change for a student could mean not catching up with studies. To some this means little, to some this means much. But for those who are paying the medical bills - there could be a lot of change. While planning for my University application, I knew my dad was planning change in his savings and investments. A little friend I know, Kah Kit, 6 years old had leukemia. Excluding the operation, simply taking care of him and maintaining his health before operation in SJMC cost his family RM60,000 within 2 weeks. There are other things such as "what if nobody wants to employ me after I am well? since I might no longer be that reliable anymore". This is probably not that common, but I do have some HIV friends who has such fears and disappointments - they get tired easily due to their sickness.
These fears comes in all forms - every fear in a few forms at one time, sometimes...
What if nobody donates platelets for me? No matching bone marrow? Finances? Friends? What if the doctor is lying to make me feel better before I die? etc.
This is the reason why all you strong men out there ought to go donate blood and visit patients in hospitals! Here is the "trick".
1. Go to a hospital
2. ask for a person who needs blood the most
3. Donate it to that specific person
4. Ask for room number
5. Visit at least once a week, more frequent if possible
Something for males:
1. Only males can donate platelets. Or at least this is what the nurse told me in SJMC, males have a certain blood pressure which women do not have.
2. Do some one else a favour when you can't get anything out of it. I get a weird idea that females derive a lot of ideas about you when you do something like that.
3. Go on a hospital date through blood donation! Practice some communication skills and "comforting people" skills.
4. Not being chauvinistic or anything - but you are always more fit, and you don't exactly have period. So donate. Your blood is free. Be a man, do the right thing!
5. From point number 4 - males by birth, men by choice!
With the recent increase in the death of people I know and some sick friends...
I have been considering a few things that patients have to face.
1. Fear of Death
The sicknesses these days seem to kill more and more people. A fever is no longer just a fever. It could be dengue fever, it could be this or that. The people that I know are sick recently - 2 died, another 3 would die without intensive treatment and some form of operation. I recently found a new friend - she has some sort of blood cancer. She would faint, she feels weak all over. Just today she went to the toilet 8 times, diarrhea. Headache so bad that she cannot sleep well, fever in the middle of the night. Perhaps these are not as bad as the thought of dying. Though all men die, men who fear death are few.
"Saya selalu fikir - ntah apa jadi kalau orang mati. Negatif kan? Ntah la, susah nak tidur. Pikir aja..."
Andriany Efendi
2. Fear of Loneliness
One friend who just died recently, always had at least 5 people in her ward every time I see her. Andriany had an average of 1 person every time. I have known people who averaged less than 1. There are many more in government hospitals who can forget about hoping to see their relatives. They are more or less stranded in the hospital. I remember the last time i was sick for around 2 or 3 days. On one of the days, I was totally alone. Although I still had great friends, and that I was only lonely in a "physical" way, I felt as if I had no friends. I can't exactly imagine what it is like to be left alone for a few days, let alone weeks and months. I think, loneliness can be much scarier that death - most of the time. Its hard to think that somebody wants or love you or see you through when you are sick, weak, no longer as physically appealing as you are, and giving much trouble.
3. Fear of change
So many things could be different. Change for a student could mean not catching up with studies. To some this means little, to some this means much. But for those who are paying the medical bills - there could be a lot of change. While planning for my University application, I knew my dad was planning change in his savings and investments. A little friend I know, Kah Kit, 6 years old had leukemia. Excluding the operation, simply taking care of him and maintaining his health before operation in SJMC cost his family RM60,000 within 2 weeks. There are other things such as "what if nobody wants to employ me after I am well? since I might no longer be that reliable anymore". This is probably not that common, but I do have some HIV friends who has such fears and disappointments - they get tired easily due to their sickness.
These fears comes in all forms - every fear in a few forms at one time, sometimes...
What if nobody donates platelets for me? No matching bone marrow? Finances? Friends? What if the doctor is lying to make me feel better before I die? etc.
This is the reason why all you strong men out there ought to go donate blood and visit patients in hospitals! Here is the "trick".
1. Go to a hospital
2. ask for a person who needs blood the most
3. Donate it to that specific person
4. Ask for room number
5. Visit at least once a week, more frequent if possible
Something for males:
1. Only males can donate platelets. Or at least this is what the nurse told me in SJMC, males have a certain blood pressure which women do not have.
2. Do some one else a favour when you can't get anything out of it. I get a weird idea that females derive a lot of ideas about you when you do something like that.
3. Go on a hospital date through blood donation! Practice some communication skills and "comforting people" skills.
4. Not being chauvinistic or anything - but you are always more fit, and you don't exactly have period. So donate. Your blood is free. Be a man, do the right thing!
5. From point number 4 - males by birth, men by choice!
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