Today, while I was sitting on my throne... inspiration came to me.
What is sin like? Sin... in some ways is like shit. Although shit is actually in our bodies, but when we shit it out - we don't dare to touch it because it just feels super dirty. But hey! The shit actually came from our own bodies! How come is it disgusting when we can touch it on the outside but we don't feel that it is disgusting when it is on the inside...
We know that we are humans who are full of flaws, not only wicked - but at many times selfish and proud. I always amaze myself of how wicked my thoughts can be when I dislike a certain person. It amazes me the plans that I can imagine when I feel angry and want to take revenge. Aren't we to some extent like that too?
We are full of sin. But when we read the newspapers publishing murders - or when somebody else sin against us/gossip behind our backs/lie to us, it looks so horrible. Yet the truth is that we are infact full of such ugliness.
Ah... toilet moments (and bathing)... so refreshing.
enjoy a beautiful song with me
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Death
These few days, I have been thinking about death quite a bit. I think of little phrases I pick up from people -
"I'm half dead now"
"You have no life"
"I'm dead meat"
What do the phrases above tell us about the situation they are in?
Tired. Discomfort. Bored. Deep trouble. And other unpleasant states.
Yet I cannot help but think of the dead people I have met in my life. I have been to a couple of funerals in my life.
When I was a kid, my grandfather was cremated. Then my uncle. My family friend. Sophie. There are probably some others I do not remember.
I also seen people before their death - and almost the moment they die. Two church sisters. The same Sophie. My school teacher and a number of people that I have seen in the hospital which I will never remember. But those that I would remember more significant are 3. Sophie, my school teacher.
My school teacher taught me when I was 14. She had cancer when I was 16 and died when I was 17. I saw her when she was alive and well, encouraging me to study chinese when I literally hated the subject. And I saw how different she looked in the hospital. The scene of her quietly struggling under the burden of sickness was ugly. She never looked so ugly. Her friends, relatives and church people came to visit her every other day. Christians came and prayed for her recovery - and we continued praying until the day she died. One night about 12 a.m. when I was sleeping, I heard a beep on my phone. The SMS simply said that my teacher had gone home to The Lord.
The other little girl is called Sophie. I saw her still laughing and undergoing some blood transplant (whatever it is called) and everything was going great. She was smiling, she was telling jokes, she was looking so happy. During Christmas, my friend and I bought her a gift. She looked sickly and I didn't quite like that. Life was just escaping her body slowly and slowly. The doctor decided to perform a surgery on her, which was a major success! she was recovering well, and she could go home after the surgery - living a slightly more normal life compared to her hospital life which lasted for... many months? A few days after the surgery, it was discovered that during the surgery, some equipment was infected, and as her body was too weak to protect itself, the infection killed her within less than 2 days of notice.
Her mother was there. Her father was there. I was there. It was a TOTALLY stupid mistake, TOTALLY stupid kind of shock.
The reason that I remembered them were not so much because I saw them for long periods before their death. But I saw their dying faces, and the dead face. It is pretty wierd to see a dead person. They just look like they are sleeping. They are there... but they are not there anymore.
Their hands are cold, and there is little sign of sickness. They look peaceful.
They literally have no more life in them. Yet, the description differs so far from the few phrases that I mentioned above. When we mention that we are half dead, we are lifeless... it is one of weakness, one of struggling, one of persevering.
These few days, I have been passing pretty sad moments at times. It seems at first that I am fighting a war against my own thoughts. Then I was fighting a losing battle. I was then crying. I was then arguing and struggling and trying to make sense out of things. I feel pain, and I wrestle.
If I was ever alive, these are the moments that I am alive. The days of comfort and pleasure somehow seem so far away. But the pain is present. Comfort and pleasure demands so little energy of me, it keeps my mind at ease - I don't need to do anything... and just "let things happen to me".
If I was ever dead, those must have been the times. My years of struggles are my years of growth. On this side of heaven, my years of pain are my years of living. My years of change are my years of learning. There is just something so wierd about living and dying.
It seems that comfort and pleasure is the way to live - yet idleness is really a sign of death. What kind of comfort and pleasure constantly demands your strength, your energy, your everything? In death, what kind of loss have you experienced - when you are dead... you cease to be "you".
I'm probably a little too geeky for you to find these kind of things interesting.
"I'm half dead now"
"You have no life"
"I'm dead meat"
What do the phrases above tell us about the situation they are in?
Tired. Discomfort. Bored. Deep trouble. And other unpleasant states.
Yet I cannot help but think of the dead people I have met in my life. I have been to a couple of funerals in my life.
When I was a kid, my grandfather was cremated. Then my uncle. My family friend. Sophie. There are probably some others I do not remember.
I also seen people before their death - and almost the moment they die. Two church sisters. The same Sophie. My school teacher and a number of people that I have seen in the hospital which I will never remember. But those that I would remember more significant are 3. Sophie, my school teacher.
My school teacher taught me when I was 14. She had cancer when I was 16 and died when I was 17. I saw her when she was alive and well, encouraging me to study chinese when I literally hated the subject. And I saw how different she looked in the hospital. The scene of her quietly struggling under the burden of sickness was ugly. She never looked so ugly. Her friends, relatives and church people came to visit her every other day. Christians came and prayed for her recovery - and we continued praying until the day she died. One night about 12 a.m. when I was sleeping, I heard a beep on my phone. The SMS simply said that my teacher had gone home to The Lord.
The other little girl is called Sophie. I saw her still laughing and undergoing some blood transplant (whatever it is called) and everything was going great. She was smiling, she was telling jokes, she was looking so happy. During Christmas, my friend and I bought her a gift. She looked sickly and I didn't quite like that. Life was just escaping her body slowly and slowly. The doctor decided to perform a surgery on her, which was a major success! she was recovering well, and she could go home after the surgery - living a slightly more normal life compared to her hospital life which lasted for... many months? A few days after the surgery, it was discovered that during the surgery, some equipment was infected, and as her body was too weak to protect itself, the infection killed her within less than 2 days of notice.
Her mother was there. Her father was there. I was there. It was a TOTALLY stupid mistake, TOTALLY stupid kind of shock.
The reason that I remembered them were not so much because I saw them for long periods before their death. But I saw their dying faces, and the dead face. It is pretty wierd to see a dead person. They just look like they are sleeping. They are there... but they are not there anymore.
Their hands are cold, and there is little sign of sickness. They look peaceful.
They literally have no more life in them. Yet, the description differs so far from the few phrases that I mentioned above. When we mention that we are half dead, we are lifeless... it is one of weakness, one of struggling, one of persevering.
These few days, I have been passing pretty sad moments at times. It seems at first that I am fighting a war against my own thoughts. Then I was fighting a losing battle. I was then crying. I was then arguing and struggling and trying to make sense out of things. I feel pain, and I wrestle.
If I was ever alive, these are the moments that I am alive. The days of comfort and pleasure somehow seem so far away. But the pain is present. Comfort and pleasure demands so little energy of me, it keeps my mind at ease - I don't need to do anything... and just "let things happen to me".
If I was ever dead, those must have been the times. My years of struggles are my years of growth. On this side of heaven, my years of pain are my years of living. My years of change are my years of learning. There is just something so wierd about living and dying.
It seems that comfort and pleasure is the way to live - yet idleness is really a sign of death. What kind of comfort and pleasure constantly demands your strength, your energy, your everything? In death, what kind of loss have you experienced - when you are dead... you cease to be "you".
I'm probably a little too geeky for you to find these kind of things interesting.
Friday, September 5, 2008
The Man
Quite a fair bit is written about Jesus' birth, a handful about him as he grew from a tween to teen, many chapters about the 3 years of His ministry, and many chapters about the last few days of His life on earth.
I was somewhat looking for a model to follow - if Jesus is 20 years old, what is He like?
At 12, Jesus was reasoning with teachers in the temple. The record before this event is Luke 2:40
And the child became strong; he was filled with wisdom, and the grace of God was upon Him.
Then after the discourse with the teachers - up till perhaps 30 years old, Luke 2:52 says:
And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man.
If I am looking for a model to follow, I suppose this is all I have. Even reading through the entire Bible, one would find that authors were not so concerned with the in between years. It seems that almost everybody is a grown up man when history is recorded.
I thought through different reasons why this is so:
"Hey, they are recording history, isn't that how all history books are? Always describing the activities of man in form of the things they accomplished, countries involved, advances discovered?"
"Paper is expensive, they must have only recorded the most important things"
There are a few more similar reasons. But now I am considering this...
The Bible is God's Word, His story - perhaps by the way He chooses to reveal things (what He reveals and doesn't reveal) I can know what is important. By the proportion of chapters devoted to Jesus' life in the Gospel - it is apparent that it is His life and words during His ministry is most significant, only second to His death and resurrection.
I would not doubt this sort of emphasis do point us to the centrality of Jesus (and His Cross) in the whole Bible. But does this portion also imply that the whole point of my life is my ministry to people? Then my whole life up till before I become involved in some public ministry is just some sort of preparation? The Bible seems to always record a few significant events in a person's life and how that has played a role in the whole Bible - and more or less nothing more about the person's life. With the exceptions of a few characters of course.
I realize that because of my biased mind who is seeking for answers that perhaps the authour never intended to offer - I start to interpret passages the way I want to see it. Whatever that might be just a simple description I could be just making it to a model in life. Yet in the midst of all these things, I will hold on to the security of the 2 verses above that I think is crucial.
The first verse mention that Jesus became strong, filled with wisdom, and had the grace of God was upon Him - I take that to mean that God had favour with Him. The second verse mention that Jesus grew physically, grew in wisdom, and had favour with God and men.
So growing up physically and strong - I don't know if there is supposed to be anything significant with it. With the excpetion of intoxicants and unhealthy diet, i suppose this to mean normal physical growth.
The second one that would be more of interest is that Jesus grew in wisdom. So I'm supposed to be growing in wisdom during these years.
Jesus also grew in favour with God (this is common to both). How do I grow in favour with God?
The third was growing in favour with men. Now this is one thing I lack. But the Bible also teaches that Jesus did not seek the approval of men, yet he had favour with men. How does this work? I know too few people who do not seek the approval of men but still have favour with men - hence me.
I still have quite a bit to digest.
I was somewhat looking for a model to follow - if Jesus is 20 years old, what is He like?
At 12, Jesus was reasoning with teachers in the temple. The record before this event is Luke 2:40
And the child became strong; he was filled with wisdom, and the grace of God was upon Him.
Then after the discourse with the teachers - up till perhaps 30 years old, Luke 2:52 says:
And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man.
If I am looking for a model to follow, I suppose this is all I have. Even reading through the entire Bible, one would find that authors were not so concerned with the in between years. It seems that almost everybody is a grown up man when history is recorded.
I thought through different reasons why this is so:
"Hey, they are recording history, isn't that how all history books are? Always describing the activities of man in form of the things they accomplished, countries involved, advances discovered?"
"Paper is expensive, they must have only recorded the most important things"
There are a few more similar reasons. But now I am considering this...
The Bible is God's Word, His story - perhaps by the way He chooses to reveal things (what He reveals and doesn't reveal) I can know what is important. By the proportion of chapters devoted to Jesus' life in the Gospel - it is apparent that it is His life and words during His ministry is most significant, only second to His death and resurrection.
I would not doubt this sort of emphasis do point us to the centrality of Jesus (and His Cross) in the whole Bible. But does this portion also imply that the whole point of my life is my ministry to people? Then my whole life up till before I become involved in some public ministry is just some sort of preparation? The Bible seems to always record a few significant events in a person's life and how that has played a role in the whole Bible - and more or less nothing more about the person's life. With the exceptions of a few characters of course.
I realize that because of my biased mind who is seeking for answers that perhaps the authour never intended to offer - I start to interpret passages the way I want to see it. Whatever that might be just a simple description I could be just making it to a model in life. Yet in the midst of all these things, I will hold on to the security of the 2 verses above that I think is crucial.
The first verse mention that Jesus became strong, filled with wisdom, and had the grace of God was upon Him - I take that to mean that God had favour with Him. The second verse mention that Jesus grew physically, grew in wisdom, and had favour with God and men.
So growing up physically and strong - I don't know if there is supposed to be anything significant with it. With the excpetion of intoxicants and unhealthy diet, i suppose this to mean normal physical growth.
The second one that would be more of interest is that Jesus grew in wisdom. So I'm supposed to be growing in wisdom during these years.
Jesus also grew in favour with God (this is common to both). How do I grow in favour with God?
The third was growing in favour with men. Now this is one thing I lack. But the Bible also teaches that Jesus did not seek the approval of men, yet he had favour with men. How does this work? I know too few people who do not seek the approval of men but still have favour with men - hence me.
I still have quite a bit to digest.
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