Babies

Short Notes:

Since last week, there have been many times I have wanted to type out long difficult posts, which are full of discoveries, but I really am too lazy to do that.

For the past month, I had the privilege to see a Robin & Joy's family. They have 3 kids: Ilona, Alethea(Ally-read it like a Malaysian, like Eli), and Latimer(Latty-read it like a Malaysian, like Leti). I don't remember how old they are: Ilona is in kindergarten, Ally is probably 1 or 2 years younger, and Latimer still puts his hand in his mouth.

Not only did I get to see them and play with them a little bit, I got to make sure things like:

1) When Ilona plays with the swing, she doesn't knock Ally over (which always stands behind the swing)

2) Both Ilona and Ally don't fall off the swing when they like to both sit on the swing at the same time

3) Latty doesn't stick his finger into power points after he turned every single one ON

4) Latty doesn't pull the cable which will bring the whole lamp stand down

That is most of the dangerous stuff, besides making sure that Latty don't bang into anything as they run excitedly around. One more! I try really hard to listen to what they are saying: Latty seem to always be trying VERY hard to communicate ideas across in some weird language that only Ally understands.

Latty : Bwaguwan..Ra...La...

Ally   : I think Latty says he wants to go out and play...

Latty drools all the time. When he sits down with me, he gets fascinated by the leg hair, and starts pulling them. After 2 minutes, he starts crying for either daddy or mummy, or something like "i want to go out and play", or whatever...

It really isn't easy taking care of 3 kids. Before you actually think and say

 "Of course, Joel, you born yesterday ah?"

I'm telling you the more I think of it, and experience it, the more I think Joy is from Mars. Any mother of 3 kids or more is from Mars. Don't you ever sit down and think how you actually toilet train a baby?

I know how you train dogs to poop at a certain place. But babies? Don't they just poop whenever they like - and then you have to clean up?

As I see the kids, I am also learning to celebrate things the way they celebrate. Let me illustrate it:

Joel : 

Hi Ally!

Ally : 

(looks at me for a while and thinks) 

Today I went to school with jie jie...

Joel : 

(thinks for a moment... That should be an achievement I think....) 

Wow, how did you find it?

Ally : I didn't cry...

Joel :

(This gotta be something like "I GOT HIGH DISTINCTION")

WOW! THATS GREAT !!!

This whole kid's business is a whole different world to me. I already have issues with talking with people, here I am trying to guess what they are saying, and then trying to relate to them.

Ilona is the eldest around, so it is easier to communicate with her. She always shows me the new things that she is doing in the kindergarten: the new Princess' crown, the Chinese New year Card ( which writes I dad Love you ) among other things.

While I can just take all these things as plain fun, but it has really got me thinking:

How many kids do I want?

Forget about the college and uni fees in the future - in the name of being merciful to myself and my wife. After the once-off of few hours of pain in delivery, there are many years of raising them up.

After long and hard thoughts, I have decided that 2 kids are enough. Why not 1? Why not 3 or more? To me, 3 or more kids is a lot of work for me and my wife. The Bible say it is good to have many sons (and daughters), like a quiver full of arrows... but it doesn't say how many: A small quiver is good, i.e. 2.

I tried handling 3 kids at once. I can't. They were running everywhere also looked like they were going to bang everything down (although they always somehow break in time, I cannot take the stress, Joy can, she's a martian like my mom).

If I have only 1 kid, what if he/she dies in an accident one day? then I will grow old with my wife without any kids!

Therefore, 2 is good. If one of them dies, there is still 1 more to comfort us. If I want more, I would be adopting I guess. It is really something to discuss with my wife. After all, as much as I will be responsible to feed them, she has to give birth to them, and she will be caring for them more of the time than I do.

So as of now, this is the blueprint. I will be changing this idea when something more brilliant pops up, or I'm compelled to subscribe to more plausible arguments.

Dear Family, I Love You

I landed in Malaysia on Friday, and went to Cameron Highlands on Sunday. Now, Cameron Highlands is not a terribly exciting place as far as I can remember - but going with my family makes a whole world of difference.

Before going any further, let me highlight a few things. Typical things.

I am a male. I am a Chinese. I am 20 years old.

This means that I am not exactly the kind of person who is super close to the family. While abroad, instead of missing my family... I missed Malaysian food. My grandmother passed away a few weeks before my final exams, and I felt almost no emotion... though I somehow thought that I ought to be sad - but lets face it, I am not an emotional person somehow.

While in Australia, I made up my mind that I need to love my family more when I get back. I need to spend time with them - it might mean very boring things like going fishing with dad. I want to talk with my dad and show him some love. Just when you thought it should actually be an easy thing to do, let me tell you some things about my dad.

My dad is a hard man. He provides for the family, and I see sometime how he puts in effort to show us love. But like a typical Chinese father... discipline is what he is good at, soothing words of encouragement is... it is.... YUCK. I can't imagine my father doing that. But he is a responsible father. You get it. The nicer words come from the mother.

Bottom line is this, I know it is the right and good thing to love and respect my parents although I'm not emotional over it. I know it, I just have to do it even though I don't feel like it.

I anticipate this trip to be good - I can learn to love my parents by giving them my time. Besides that, my aunt and my cousin from singapore is coming in with 4 little children. My nephews and nieces. The last time I actually had a family trip of 13 people was probably when i was 3 or 4 years old. It blows my mind how little time we actually spend together as a family.

Before the story gets interesting, let me try to introduce to you all my family - and everybody in this trip.

Dad and niece(Shannon)... Left to Right (Duh!)

Cousin, little nephew, mom, Big Aunt (pardon the direct translation from Cantonese)

Brother, his girlfriend, sister, nephew(Yong Wei), niece(Shannon), me , mom...

little niece (Ying Si) in front

(Ahh, a clearer shot!)

Ying Si, Little Aunt, and my Kakak - Ning

(the housemaid for the lack of a better term)

me, mom, sister

Pardon me for the not-so-clear shots, I know you probably read many "chick blogs" and they have clear pictures - you can't compare me with them, they practice their photo taking skills all the time: On food, in changing rooms, in toilets, in cars (while their boyfriend is driving)... The thing is this - I don't.

Like I said, Cameron Highlands isn't a terribly exciting place. So there aren't many beautiful pictures in this post... The main characters in this post are my nephews and nieces. For some reason that I am not clear of, my cousins' families aren't that well. They are divorced.

Ying Si and Wen Kai is supported by a single mother, i.e. my cousin.

As for Yong Wei and Shannon, both of their parents are absent.

My cousin has to work, so she could earn enough to feed her kids. Now if you would ponder and think, you would work out that SOMEBODY has to take care of the 4 kids. Let me introduce you the superheroine

my Big Aunt (In Cantonese, a.k.a Tai Ku Ma)

To make matters more challenging. Besides taking care of 4 kids, she is 67 years old. As if that is not difficult enough, my little nephew Wen Kai suffers from some unknown brain issue... Whatever it is called, he probably has the intelligence of a kid a third of his age.

Their mother (my cousin) has spent a significant amount of money to find a cure for Wen Kai, but things just doesn't seem to work... However, Wen Kai has improved significantly over the years, although the sickness is around. He could at least walk now, and do a few more things.

During the trip - When it was near bed time, my mom and I sat around Big Aunt to listen to her stories raising up the children. It is hard work. Raising one is hard. There are four of them. If their parents were all around, the income of 2 families would be able to support them... but instead of 2 families, it is down to a single mother who is the bread-winner. My uncle (who would be older than 67) did not join us in this trip - he is still working... the economy is bad, he fears that taking leave from the boss will make him lose his job.

I don't know how my cousin would feel raising up Wen Kai, having no guarantee that he will be cured one day - good enough to take care of himself. Everybody seems to be in deep stress, and they survive from one day to the other. I suppose their source of strength comes from their love for the kids. Maybe they are just doing what they need to do.

After the trip, Big Aunt expressed gratitude to my dad for planning this trip, to bring the kids out for a holiday. She was crying as she said her thanks. Seriously, I have no idea how much it meant to her. But somehow, I know it means a lot. She loves the kids, but the demands of life are unmerciful.

As I ponder over all these, I am reminded of my dreams of being famous, rich, respected, etc etc. They all seem so childish now. No, they are not childish... they are self centered. Yes, self-centered and selfish. Without saying anything, my Big Aunt's life shame me, as well it should. Her selfless service challenges my desire to indulge in the passing pleasures of this world. It has occured to me that I am already much more privileged than many people in the world who has to scrape the ground to search for food.

There is a Chinese saying that goes like this :

Living in prosperity yet not recognizing it

Life just isn't fair - isn't it? There are people like me who has enough money to spend, more than enough time to waste... and there are people slogging their whole lives so that they can meet ends. Perhaps, something is expected of me. As the Bible puts it: to him whom much has been given, much more will be expected. Spiderman stole it.

Now that I think of it, I remember Jesus who died as a criminal. Jesus - the Saviour of the World who laid down His Life so that our sins could be forgiven by God... Jesus was charged as a criminal who was rebelling against the Roman Government - through the hands of wicked men who framed Him as a blasphemous person... He was nailed on the cross. He could have gave up half way, but He went through all that was necessary for me, for you, for the whole world. Jesus counted the Joy of saving the world greater than the suffering and humiliation He had to go through.

Here am I, calling myself a Christian. My plan - as much as possible - is to spend the rest of my life preaching the Gospel, and to spend my money for the sake of telling others about Jesus. God's love gives me a taste for heavenly things: Without God, I could love no one, but only fall in love with my sin... digging my own grave.

Having planned out my life IN DETAIL...The next step is the hard part.

Joel

while you still can.

The time will come when everything is over, and you will meet your Maker - it won't be too late to take a rest and enjoy at that time. For now, work - rain or shine, work for the things that will matter for eternity.