Because I Really Love You

I can't remember how many posts I have written about thinking of death. I can't remember how many friendships I have that I have intentionally steer conversations toward Jesus. I can't remember how many blog posts I have typed to introduce Jesus.

Why am I doing these?
Doesn't it look like I am using friendships for certain purposes other than friendship?

I love my friends.

Some I have not seen in a long while, some I see regularly.
Some I have wronged and we never reconciled, some have not known me long enough for me to wrong them.

There are friendships that I would wish very much would last into eternity, there is so much to discover about one another. I am very fascinated about how we get motivated, how we love, why we hate, why we devote our time to certain things, what happened the last time you didn't want to talk with me, what made in all nice again, how we grew up to be ourselves today.

Yet, death limits me. I don't have all the time in the world. There are people that I want to treat well in special ways, yet one appointment after another drives me around, the demands of work, the limitation of finance, the fact that we all have to spend hours to sleep everyday just prevents me from doing this.

In the end, not everybody gets the attention that they deserve; while people are treated as friends, they can only take up such a small part in our lives.

Somewhere along the line, I am thinking: If I want to meet all of these people, I will need eternity on my side - which is one of the few reasons I want to tell them about Jesus.

Shame has caused me to reveal only parts of myself, and embarrassment has prevented me from knowing my friend in a deeper way. Insecurity stains humanity - for legitimate reasons. I long for the day when we can understand each other fully and clearly, and to appreciate all the good things there are.

But on this side of heaven, these things cannot be so. Should there be no life eternal where wickedness and sorrow would pass away - earth is the closest anybody can get to paradise. In one lifetime, one marked by sin and shame, I ache at the fact that there will be people I will never get to know heart to heart. Some have taken on themselves the quest to create Utopia on earth, where there would be peace - I cannot wait till that day. It doesn't look like there are enough people doing that, and it doesn't look like things are moving in that direction either.

This is one of the few reasons why people need to hear about Jesus.

Even some of my friends who has considered me an enemy - I would desire reconciliation, I would desire forgiveness, I desire the friendship - but this cannot be. The brevity of life has driven us deep into instant gratification.

"I want pleasure for myself now!" for we do not know how long we will live, and the future looks bleak. The best things we can get for ourselves comforts us only for a moment, we have learnt not to have unrealistic expectations. We all learn to expect "death" to have the final say over all relationships. Of course, "death" is more real than life. Nobody is guaranteed to live, but all are destined to die once.

This is why I can't help but point my friends and foe alike to Jesus. We have been born into a mess, and we can't seem to stop contributing to all the hurt and pain - and our efforts to repair anything is futile.

I have become convinced that Jesus Christ dying on the Cross and resurrected as the Lord of All as truth. I have become convinced that God is love, mankind has sinned against God, God will judge all mankind - some to eternal condemnation, some to eternal life, Jesus Christ has died on our behalf to pay the penalty of our sin against God - Therefore my trust is in God, and my hope is in Heaven.

There are things I desire, that no man can give. Can one man define another man's worth? Is there anything in the world that can be equaled to the value of another person? By the greatness of another I am honored to be acquainted with them. But who is that great? We are pretty much the same deep down inside.

If there is one relationship I must restore, it is the relationship with my Maker. I know my Maker will fix all things according to His promise. He will make all things new. He will restore the relationships of His people to Himself - and them to one another.

I don't want to sound religious, but unless we all get ourselves fixed by Jesus, we will remain in conflict with everything, until death ends it all for good.

I look forward to the day in heaven where I will be perfected, when my life will not be marked by shame and secrets and wickedness - and I shall relate to God and to man freely. Where my joy will be simple like a baby's laughter - where all things are made new.

I desire that all my friends (and many others whom I have not yet met) come to know the truth: God is love, we have sinned, Christ has saved, so we trust. Or else, what else have we to look forward to?

Some among us think we are good enough for heaven. How can that be true - when out of 6 billion people in the world, we become convinced that we are the most important person among them?

Some of us think that God will not judge. How can that be true - that the Creator of the Beautiful Universe and the Lover of our souls would pervert justice and let the guilty go un-condemned?

Some of us think that Jesus is just a great man - How can that be true - that when God loves us so greatly that He gave us Himself as a ransom for our sins, is reduced to a morally upright teacher?

Some of us prefer to live our lives miserably until we die in hope that tomorrow will somehow be better. How can that be true - have we not been acquainted the brevity of the joys and the sadness on earth, that is so fleeting.

If i have to die, if I have to go broke, if I have to endure shame - what is that compared to an assurance of love, righteousness, peace, and joy in the presence of God our Maker and the company of all who love Him and one another?

The message of Christianity is simple. The link below is a 10 minute presentation of what the heart of Christianity is about.

Hello Mc. University

I hope I don't get kicked out of university for this. 

Who would guess that I could dig out dirty things like CORRUPTION in university over lunch? Well, not that it was too hard. In fact, I didn't have to dig it, my friend just plainly told me about the corruption plainly... and enthusiastically.

To give some idea to what I might be talking about, lets talk about getting a professorship - like getting Prof. Joel Lee...

It takes quite a bit to go from getting a PhD to getting a Professorship. Just as there is a corporate ladder from slave to CEO, 

1. There is a ladder in the university.

Get a PhD

Lecturer

Senior Lecturer

Associate Professor

Professor

Yes, the bottom of the ladder is a PhD.

2. A professor cannot be fired from their position 

To grant a person professorship is to acknowledge that they have made significant contribution over the years to the field that they are in. A committee in the university decides whether they should (or not) award professorship to lecturers.

3. The criteria to pick lecturers promotion includes things like :

a) Ability to teach

b) Research capability

c) Contribution to the field

d) And other related things

Now that we are familiar with the basics:

Of course, the world would be a better place if everything goes accordingly. But we know we live in a pretty messed up world - there are professors who do not deserve their title, and there are those who slog for nothing.

I know of a lecturer who cannot teach, and it is famed among the PhD students that he couldn't care less about the work that the PhD students under his supervision does. 

His name is... 

Professor ...

Somebody

I wouldn't reveal his name of course! You want me to get kicked out of University? 

Oh wait, shit. I'm not supposed to hint you which... 

Well, one of the reasons he is still around is that he is a professor and he can't be fired. 

But the main reason is probably because he has PhD students under him that keep churning out research papers for him. Let me do some explanation:

Every year, Universities are allocated a certain amount of money by the government for research purposes. This money is called a research grant.

The amount of research grants that a university gets is directly proportional to the amount of research they can do - which is the amount of research publications that they can have. One of the main factors that determine University rankings is the research.

When you are a Professor and PhD students work under your supervision , you get to share their research paper - as though you jointly researched the issue with him. Some professors DO  work together in the research, others simply just don't. This means, as long as your student churns out papers, the University will recognize YOUR contribution to help them get grants and improve their rankings.

Do I have to mention that the criteria to promote a lecturer now is a load of trash? Well, not totally trash. But it is just terribly different from what it ought to be like.

Anyway, back to Professor Somebody. 

He doesn't even KNOW what is the title that his PhD student is producing - it is not like he could care any more about it. 

He gets his salary from the University anyway since he can't be fired. 

The university loves him because he brings in the money. 

He can't teach (he could be a genius for all I care) - but it is okay since he has some pretty genius PhD students.

Well, I'm mentioning one of the worse ones. There are good lecturers that I have. 

He started teaching in University in his 20's. Almost 30 now, and the students in the School of Electrical Engineering knows his capability. 

Graduated from Physics, but he is as competent (if not more competent) if compared to other engineering lecturers. Math Olympiad. He does good programming, physics, statistics, calculus, and of course engineering. He sets one of the toughest exam papers, his assignments are killers. But this is one thing I really appreciate about him...

He gives his time to his students. He is ALWAYS open for consultation. He explains things carefully and patiently when I don't understand. The last time I wanted to ask him about something, he was on his way out of his office, so we talked about my academics stuff as we took a walk around university. He bought me coffee as we sat down to talk.

Where do you get this kind of lecturers? 

If anybody should be a professor, he should be a professor 

Well, he is not. He is loaded with work and he has very little time to do the research that he wants to. I know geniuses having weird hobbies like research - but he doesn't get to enjoy the hobby he deserves.

I believe, part of the fault is because our businessman-Chancellor's board is allocating extra money to the business school instead of the engineering school. 

Well, it is easier to churn money out of the business school. They don't need any equipment, and everything is profit! Unlike the field I am in, you need equipment and people who knows how to use the equipment. You may be a genius, but you still need to technical knowledge to make a machine work.

Its just about the money isn't it? 

The happiness is just a trick! 

The happy meal is

$5.95

(5.95 x 2.4 > RM14)

not so happy

Last semester, I had a Cambridge PhD teaching me. Let me tell you, his teaching is hopeless. Any lecturer is better than him. He speaks monotonously to himself during class and sets low grade exam papers which are just a copy and paste of past year exam questions. 

Oh wait, maybe it was the Professor Somebody who set the papers since they both teach the same subject!

What kind of Electrical Engineering students do they let into top universities? 

Its stupid.

Rowan Atkinson studied Electrical Engineering in Newcastle, continued his MSc in Oxford. Yes, Bean is an Oxford grad.

Just when you thought getting a research paper published couldn't be worse - Many times, research publications are accepted because the editor of the journal gets a part of it. Or rather, they can be rejected because the editor was not given an intellectual property bribe.

The editor of a research journal (who resides in Denmark) just somehow appears along with the other 3 researchers in a Korean University (who actually did the real work). Of course, the editor gets the fame and the benefits that come with it. If the Korean researchers didn't "bribe" the editor, perhaps their paper wouldn't even be reviewed (to be considered for acceptance). It works both ways.

Call me naive, but I did expect less corruption in the academic field. I suppose that I have matured a little bit more in my expectations of the institutions in this world. 

The best of them are terribly flawed.

The reason I typed this out - is not so much about me being shocked that such a thing could actually happen. Rather, I am typing this out... never expecting corruption to be so common. Well, I know we Malaysians constantly complain that Malaysian ministers are corrupted. We complain that the police force is corrupted. But it works both ways. Supply and demand.

Corruption being so common, I wouldn't be surprised that we might be involved in cases like these one day - if we have not already bribed the policeman the last time we were caught for speeding. 

Or perhaps, when we bought pirated VCD... I mean DVD. Technically, we have already taken part with the people who robbed, stolen, bribed and did whatever necessary to get DVDs for 5 dollars each. We just happened to be at the other end of the process. To deny it is to somewhat say the thief didn't rob, the robber didn't lie, the liar didn't bribe - and the buyer didn't know.

As much as I write this, in my heart despising some of the people who has tarnished the once good name of the world of academia - I write this with some knowledge that I have done similar things... just that it was of a slightly smaller scale and nobody cared to talk about it anyway. If I could only see wickedness as it is, without being biased for the scale of wickedness - I would despise myself.

However, the rampant corruption has also helped me to appreciate people who worked against the flow and go unappreciated. Thank you Mr. Unappreciated Lecturer for your dedication.

Its a shame that it would be safer for me that I cannot tell the whole Cyberworld how wonderful a lecturer you are. to save my ass.

Thats just how things go - in the midst of me pointing fingers at others, I realize that I am not spared from the same charges. 

Jesus - who sits on the Judgement Throne sees everything.

Worries and Spending Money

After sleepless nights worrying about sitting for the exam itself, I no longer worry about them anymore - since they are over. Just before I shout Yippee!!! too fast - one of the things that wake me up (before the exams were over) is a small little voice at the back of my head...

"Joel, do you think they will moderate the marks for your Mathematics and Control Systems paper?"

"Do you think if you did well for your Electronics paper, the marks will compensate for those you loss in the earlier papers?"

Now that exams are over, I can't shout Yippee!!! either, because now another subject wakes me up...

"Joel, do you think your Mobile and Satellite Communications paper will make up for the marks you lost?" - "You really did make tons of careless mistakes!"

This little voices that wakes me up drives me crazy. Yet, deep within my heart, I didn't want such things to make me go crazy. It feels as though I am placing too much emphasis on my studies - so much so that I am depraving myself of setting my priorities right in life. This is no good, I start taking things for granted - and forget to be happy about the things I ought to be very thankful for.

After reading the Bible, I learn that my goal in life is not to live a life that is "successful" as the world measures it. Neither should I continue thinking of God as one who supports my fanciful fantasies of fame, success, wealth, and whatever-nots. I remember sending my mother an sms right before my final exam. She replied very quickly saying things like -

"I claim the promises of God for you! That Jesus will help you through every battle! You will conquer them in Jesus name!"

Things along those lines. The "battles in life" that she was mentioning was an exam paper...

I realize that it must be difficult for her to come to terms with the Bible - that "battles in life" isn't about academic or career success. I find it difficult too. It revealed itself when I started neglecting God as the exams pile up. I pray so much more at the examination table than my whole week outside the exam hall summed up.

What has my life become? What has my aim in life become? What has my knowing of God become? Is "battles in life" reduced to simply an endless pursuit of my fancies? What then is the difference between me as a Christian and a non-Christian?

I know the answers as to what I ought to do. And making a U-turn in my heart, to realize my faults, to own it up, and to commit myself to a clear and rational mind that desires God above everything I hold dear to (my studies, my dream-future-wife, my reputation, my petty selfish fears)...

That journey that I am somewhat familiar with, is one of the longest journeys I have ever taken in my life. This is one battle in my life. One I have to fight. Talk about fighting for someone you love - I'm far from being as noble as that, I am fighting for my very own humanity.

Its not even fighting, its really owning up - and admit that I have been living careless, and to turn around. Some... Many people think I overreact/overrespond, but if we look at our lives carefully, we will always notice that the many pitfalls we get ourselves into always started with the first wrong step. Too few things in life happen suddenly. Yet somehow, when God opens our eyes to see our faults, we get surprised. I am an idiot for that, but thank God for helping me realise that.

So often, I see the mistakes that I make in others. So often, I want to warn them and correct them - desiring that they would not fall into the things I fall into... but I know my life fails to be a good testimony. But that is also good, then they know I am not trying to teach them as a teacher, but warning them as a brother.

Talking about brothers - I remember some pretty wise saying from my older brother - Noel Lee Chee Leong

He said
"You must learn how to spend money more than how to
earn money"

I asked
"Why?"

He replied
"If you can't find a good reason to spend your money, why would you want to earn any money?"

My brother loves me, and protects me - I thank God for him. More than that, I hope my brother will come to know Jesus.

I'm heading back to Malaysia in about a week. There are so many things I learnt here in FOCUS. I doubt 3 months in Malaysia would be anywhere near sufficient to share the many experiences trying to live a Christian life I had with my friends and family. So much to do, so little time.

To make up for that, I bought books. Books that I would speak of as "I readeth, therefore I am". They are books with the very ideas that make me who I am. Well written by fellow Christians, explaining the Bible clearly and accurately.

I bought more than 30 books.
Its crazy.
It costs crazy too.
But it is worth it.

There are those for my dad, some for my mom.
Some for my pastors, some for my friends in church.
A little more for my special friend not in church.

Being as self centered as I am, I'm pretty glad that God gives me some good desires.

What more can I desire for my dad to come to know Jesus?
I desire the same thing for my mother, my sister, and my brother.

I truly desire my pastor to preach the Bible well - so that many more may come to know the Wonderful Saviour of the world - Jesus my God and King. I desire for my Christian friends to know Jesus more, to give their whole lives to Jesus, and to run this race on earth well.

I desire that my friends who are not with Jesus, to find out about this Jesus that died for their sins, my sins and the sins of the world.

Its crazy for me speak in this way and to say out what the kind of "Christian" desires. I know my life doesn't match it. I would despise myself if I saw myself in some other body. But because I am myself, I don't quite despise myself that much. The longer I live, the more my eyes grieve as I see myself in my short comings.

When I thought I was less materialistic, when I thought I was more patient and loving - how much further can I be from the truth! It is despairing.

The good thing is that I know I don't have to be fatalistic about this - I have Jesus. The whole idea that Jesus will continue to do His work in my heart so that I will become more and more like him - its so simple, its almost something that my pride cannot take. But I better do.

I'm so glad that I can spend money buying Christian books, I'm even more glad that I can practice Christianity... Jesus-ianity... Yeah...

There is this little voice that crosses my head every now and then...

I may board the aeroplane, but God knows if it will crash,or there will be some terrorist, or whatever - and I may not land where I want to. Maybe I will land where I want to, but maybe in more than one piece. If that happens, I have wasted such a big chucnk of my life thinking of things I ought not to be thinking about, and wasting time as I ought not to be wasting - the books that I bought, I will never be able to read them. My family will cry... Maybe some friends.I.Hope.Maybe.Maybe not.

If there is any better time to take the U-turn, it must have been yesterday.

Engineering Nightmare

Date: 31/10/2008

My exam timetable was originally this:

Mathematics 2B on 29/10/2008
Control Systems on 31/10/2008

Me blogging now....

Analogue Electronics on 11/11/2008
Mobile and Satellite Communications on 12/11/2008

The problem is this: I had 5 exam papers in 4 days. Not exactly 5. It is more like

2 + 3i

I dreamt that I sat for 3 imaginary exam papers in my dream. To wake up to find out that the stress i faced was... imaginary, is pretty disappointing.

The Math 2B paper was really some exciting crap.

Event 1: Halfway through the 3 hour paper, I wanted to pee.
(I did go to the loo right before the paper)

Event 2: I was lagging about 20 minutes behind time.

Conclusion: Didn't go to pee, cannot complete paper. This is the first time this happened to me. to resist peeing for more than an hour - balancing the tension of completing the paper and resisting to pee.

After the paper, I found out that I'm not the only one who wanted to go the toilet. Now, I secretly hope that everybody did as bad as me, so that the lecturer will be forced to moderate the paper and scale the marks up.

Let me jot down some lifeless thing I did last night with my engineering classmates

We sat down.
Took out a piece of paper.
Calculated some scores.
Drew a graph.

Using the statistics we learn in Math 2B, we started calculating the probability that our marks would be scaled higher. We found that the scale is exponential in nature, (i.e. the lower marks you get, the higher the percentage of scaling).

However, since the sample size that we used to plot the graph was pretty small (we only had 3 values to plot the whole graph), the variance of the graph would be substantial.

However, factoring in even that, the probability that my marks would be scaled up to a Distinction is less than 20% with a 95% Confidence Interval.

In plain language, the chances of me getting a high distinction, taking into account as many factors as I know, is very low.

I've been munching on salad 90% of the time for the past week - to make sure that I don't spend too much time and energy digesting my food. Going on a vege diet, I have lowered my sleeping duration from 8 hours to 6 hours.

If that sounds a little extreme for the many carnivores out there, I have a friend who pumped 3 cans of Red Bull in a day and slept for only 3 hours. Now if Red Bull is plain water, it is not so bad. The problem is that there is this warning sign on Red Bull that warns against having more than 2 cans a day.

Warning: Do not drink more than 2 cans a day. You might die of a heart attack.

She might just die of a heart attack.
Well, the warning label doesn't exactly write it that way. But it is still crazy.


Reminds me of another dream.



I was dreaming that exams were over. I was jumping and leaping for joy.





Then I woke up.




I can't wait for exams to be over. And looking up the skies, I'm thinking...



God, if it is not too trivial... please help me through this. It's just too damn scary. If I stay as nervous as this long enough, I will get constipation, or stroke, or paralysis...

Randomness - 23rd October

Studying in library...eating sushi...

Joel: *notices avocado in sushi* Eh, avocado good for breasts...

Wesley: prevent breast cancer...

Joel : ya ya....

Mitchell: Eh, today, got some breast cancer people.. i mean...er... those who volunteer, sell me muffin... u got buy ah?

Joel: No ah...eh, I got 1 teacher, die because of breast cancer...

Mitchell: I have many friends who die...

Joel: wah, how many oh... Eh, not 1,2 teachers died...

Yuda: I got 2 auntie have breast cancer... 1 die edi, 1 more not yet die...

Joel, Mitchell, Wesley: .........

As The Final Exams Draw Near...

My hair gets messier. Gah! It is only one-inch long and it can get messy.

I start to read a few verses in the Bible once in a while... imagining that I will somehow get smarter after that.

Do push-ups evevery once in a while because my body somehow aches when I study. Headache, neck ache, back ache...

I feel lonely - I don't seem to get along well with the books.

I discover a lot of new things. I used to learn Normal distributions, exponential, Poisson distributions only. But today I realized there is such a thing called t-distribution and F-distribution... which I am supposed to know weeks ago.

Nobody seems to be online although there are so many people online.

Time seems to pass too quickly. Yet I seem to be wasting lots of them somehow - even though I thought that I studied for very long.

I want to Chor Dai Dee!!!

I lose hair since I keep pulling them off.

I dance.

I talk to myself.

I play with my stationery more often.

I laugh to myself.

I pretend I am a bird and start flapping my hands around the house... singing la la la la...

I imagine being some uber rich tycoon and has no need to study in university... and maybe take a nap...

GAH! NO.....

I remember deadlines, test dates, exam dates more than I remember holidays and birthdays.

I keep counting my test and assignment marks and think of the ridiculously high marks I need to obtain for my final exam to get Distinction.

....

I am suddenly reminded of the resistor I blew up in the Electronics lab today. I spent more than an hour to connect the whole circuit and put in all the right values of resistors... then 5 minutes into the lab...

POOF! Bright Light! Smoke! Whole 47000 ohm resistor burnt. 5 minutes into a 3 hour lab... and this is final evaluation for my lab class. GAHHHH!!!!!!!

I have spent an hour on this... typing and thinking of more tragedies and traumatic experiences.. I shall now resume studying for statistics test on monday... 5 marks... and then tomorrow got Control Systems Lab evaluation....10 marks....


AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Rubbish Talk

One thing about being in FOCUS Bible Study Group - I have come to realize that the "extra knowledge" that I have fades in comparison with reading the Bible properly. Knowing a little bit more about psychology, philosophy, and history certainly did help me understand certain concepts better in the world...

But I couldn't help but notice how sometimes this knowledge distorts what is obvious and simple before my eyes. Just like my frist exam paper - the question was exactly like the past year paper... the difference was the guy changing the values from 5mm to 6mm. I overanalyzed (with some pretty flawed logic) and with some wierd understanding... I wrote in the paper that there was a problem with the question, and started deriving basic formulas to get the answer...

Which, was obviously wrong.

As the discussions in Bible Study continued, I was glad that I kept my mouth shut at certain times - or else I will start looking like some glorified smart alec.

What I am being exposed to is that the Bible is sufficient for an average person to learn about God. We just have to read it for what it is.

As I learn more, it irritates me more and more how I hear of people over-spiritualizing the Bible for what it is not, preaching revelations that God never heard, majoring on the minors and minoring on the major (issues).

I had a talk with a lecturer recently, and I have come to understand the term "liberal" and "conservative" more.

Of course their views do not fully represent the whole group's thinking...

but a liberal might think of the Bible as a "guide book" instead of a "rule book". More of a story rather than history. A moral lesson and not a historical fact. i.e. they are more "liberal" with their theology. Liberals would call conservatives "fundamentalists".

of course, fundamentalists/conservatives would argue that they are just simply following the Bible. They say that liberals don't take God's Word as God's Word.

I have never really thought of this dimension of conflict before.

The ones that I have encountered before are:

Mainstream Christianity vs Christian Sects (Jehovah Witnesses, Mormons, Christian Science)
Protestant Christianity vs Roman Catholicism
Intelligent Design vs Evolution
Arminianism vs Calvinism
Christianity vs Other Religions
Christianity vs Atheism
Book-by-book Biblical Preaching vs Topical Biblical Preaching

now, I can add to the list:
Liberal vs conservative

I looked up to my liberal lecturer. He lectures in Math and also New Testament Greek. This was one of the things I wanted to achieve.

One who masters the science and the arts.

Leonardo da Vincci. but he was a polymath, a genius. I probably won't get there, but if I could get near... He was the model of the "Renaissance man". Ever curious, ever learning, GENIUS!

but today I learnt one thing from Joshua. He said this:

"Really, knowing a lot of things does not mean that you know the Bible well. It is that attitude that we have when we come to read God's Word, isn't it? to be humble ..."

I used to have the logic, if I become a "glorified man" in the eyes of people, that is - to have good reputation, superior knowledge, perhaps what I say might have more impact. For example: Albert Einstein is so often quoted as saying "God doesn't play dice". Intelligent Deseign proponents so often use this line to say that Albert Einstein does not believe in Evolution.

I have to agree - people are normally convinced by very few things.

1) What a lot of people say
2) What some famous person say ( or so they think of as authoritative figures )

But I have known a few things about myself - to know that sometimes I crap about things I don't know. To keep up with the image. I mean, come on - I may know a little bit about people to guess motives and analyze people like I would analyze some cell - but who am I to start speaking authoritatively about many other things? Politics? I know nuts. Education? I know nuts.

I have read some politicians blog, seemingly exposing injustuce, they also blog about religion. As a person who is interested in religion ( and I think I know a fair bit about the issue ), I read his flawed explanations and lousy arguments that only wold convince ignorant people. Like I used to think sleeping together ( that is... just sleeping ) somehow creates babies.

Arguments that fool innocent ignorant people. But since they are famous, they are perceived to be authoritative - and the culture around us is teaching us to be stupid.

WATCH MORE DRAMAS!

THINK LESS!

JUST BE ENTERTAINED!

GO WITH THE FLOW!

A few things I have to know. Though I am somewhat proud of studying engineering (to which when asked why I study engineering, I tell them it trains my thinking), yet I need to know that being good in logical thinking (as much as it is helpful), this knowledge does not commend me before God.

This is where intellectuals might disagree. When they try to rationalize that God accepts just about anyone into heaven ( playing down the issue of sin ), they say that God looks at the heart ( though it is full of wickedness ). But when they are respected by men (though not by God) because of their advance knowledge, they are not willing that God looks at their heart only. They want God to look at whatever they look at. They want to make God see things their way.

And this is dangerous to me, because I have the tendency to do so even more, since I am a more dominant type of person. I will get my way. Even as an ordinary person not being Christian, thinking logically, we ought to know that one person who is good in Chemistry might be a sucker in History.

This is a message to myself that I ought not to be proud, because the Bible writes so clearly -

"Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up"

This is a terrible issue in the church actually. Pastors who have read the Bible here and there a little bit, after reading a few famous authors - approaches the Bible with a notion that they know it already. Using the Bible to support their private arguments. And of course, they learnt it from another person who spoke that way. I trust that they are still sincere, yet many of us Christians know the phrase that "one can be sincerely wrong".

Sometimes we use that line to describe a person of another faith - "sincerely wrong". I agree with that, yet we also have issues within the church that we can be (and are) sincerely wrong about. The same way we say that a Christian guy is no more immune to sexual temptations than a non Christian guy.

The society is filled with rubbish talk. It has been high time for a thousand years that we ought to be more sober than we are and understand that the world is not a neutral place. It is a battle. While half of America thinks that they are fighting in Iraq - A war against terrorism. Another half which thinks that there shouldn't be a war, are fighting in the white house for ceasefire ( or peace in their opinion ).

Peace is one of those things that won't naturally come. Peace have to be fought for. We might want peace, but we live with chaotic people in a chaotic world. It is high time that we grow up.

There has been much superstition, mythologies, and crazy notions in the world. Please don't let such things permeate the church. May the Word of God be preached for what it is.

For the sake of being truthful to God - preach the Word of God faithfully.
For the sake of teaching people sound logic - preach the Word of God faithfully.
For the sake of being effective in proclamation - preach the Word of God faithfully.
For the sake of understanding world issues - preach the Word of God faithfully.
For the sake of the satisfaction within our souls - preach the Word of God faithfully.

The Christian Student

Post Summary:

This post will look into the matter of the role of a person (e.g. me) as a Christian - then what it means to be a Christian student. Order of logic being: Christian first, then student.



What is the role of a Christian in this world - for that matter, what ought to be the original role of every human being?



God being the Creator, we are His creation. We will exist for His pleasure - whatever His pleasure would mean. What quickly comes to mind is a cruel dictator. What if I said the Germans at one point of time lived for Hitler's pleasure? That is madness. Truly, for a man who is sinful (which each of us are not far from) - to exist for one man's pleasure which is tainted with selfishness and wickedness (as "good" as he may otherwise be), a little corruption will make "existing for his pleasure" a nightmare.



And we know this, humans are at best - flawed, heavily flawed if not twisted. Otherwise, we just have not gotten to the bottom of the human heart.



God is not like that. God is perfectly good. If it is hard to imagine the Christian God, let us just suppose a good God who is infinitely just and infinitely loving.



Some Christians have summed up that the purpose of the Christian life is to worship God - to acknowledge Him as who He is and give due adoration, praise, and worship. Very quickly, the same image of Hitler might hit our minds where the cruel dictators force people to bow down to them by force most of the time if not all the time, a performance that will protect their obscurities. A show to please their fancies.



God is not like that. The fact that billions of people live far from "living for God's sake" up till today lets us know that God is giving us a time to decide who is the king of our lives. He definitely knows that He is the King of the Universe - but whether we regard Him as King or otherwise is quite another matter.



With the understanding that God is perfectly good, wise, and loving (having our welfare in His mind) - I think it might give a better idea to say that it is the honour, duty, and joy of every man (should they fully come to their senses) to do WHATEVER God decrees. One might question, WHATEVER? what if He asks you to kill? Isn't that what is happening in the world today - religious fanatics going out killing people in God's name? (Very soon this will relate to the student's dilemma)



I am to a very large extent glad to say that since Jesus time - Christians are called to offer the other cheek, and nowhere are there records of God commanding us to kill or hurt anybody since Jesus time. But I have to be clear that in ther earlier parts of the Bible before Jesus time, Israel had armies, God did command wars. God even commanded Abraham (for those unfamiliar, he is some big character in the Bible) to sacrifice his son - Isaac. So in that sense, whatever would include killing. But before jumping to conclusions, we have to understand that God's character (perfectly loving, perfectly just, perfectly wise) is the foundation of all His decrees - such that God would call us to do something based on His character. Nowhere in the Bible does God "test people for fun". Very different from some of us who posses some twisted sense of humour.



What does it mean (most of the time if not all of the time) to do whatever God says?



The good thing is that God did say something - and we know the major part of that "whatever" is. Jesus, before returning back to Heaven after His ressurection told His disciples

"All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."



Since then, people everywhere have been taught not only to believe in Jesus, but also to follow His footsteps - to be a disciple, not just one who hears and simply professes their faith with words. Since this will be the foundation of the following arguments, I better make sure that this point is clear.



Jesus is definitely clear that this world is not "all there is". He knows that the whole world will be judged because He is the judge. He knows that the whole earth will be destroyed because He is making a new one. He knows that the human body will die and decompose and we will not carry this body we have now into eternity. Every human institution will one day fail or fall.



As much as they might serve wonderful purposes now - there will be a day when we won't need "Energy Australia" or "Tenaga Nasional Berhad" anymore and they will run out of business because God will take care of the electricity problem in heaven should we ever have one.



In light of that, therefore what is most important is firstly - God's honour that is being blasphemed throughout the world and the human responsibility to comply to that. The human responsibility to that is to know Jesus - His Judgement, His Interpretation of the World, His verdict on our current state of relationship with God and much more - repent of their wicked ways, and entrust ourselves to God, taking Him at His Word.



This being of utmost important, the duty of every Christian is then to preach God's Word everywhere in one way or the other. One way or the other does not mean that we preach God in our words and not our actions - we preach God every way, in one way or the other. We might be a school teacher, or a government official, or someone in the comercial sector, or a pastor - this is the one way or the other (one form or the other). But we preach God every way - our actions, our attitudes, our secret thoughts, our words, how we treat others, how we treat God, etc.



This is why there is a part in the Bible where a leader called Paul asked the new believers of the day to remain in the same jobs they were in before - but with a new attitude in life. Paul asked slaves of the day (about 2000 years back) to remain as slaves, but to live honestly, although working for their masters, but to live with the attitude that their are serving God their true Master, etc. so that in every area of their lives, they will make known God's Word to others.



Excluding the job of an assasin, drug lords or the like... It is not what job we do that pleases God (as though being a big-time CEO brings more honour to God than a toilet cleaner), it is how we do our jobs that please God. To God - there is no hierachy. If there is, the CEO and the toilet cleaner belongs to the same level.



What does it mean then for a University Student like me?



Before this sound too far fetched, I will tell a little about myself being a student. Having grades to keep, there are times I pump some caffein into myself, stay up late quite often. Being a person who is not very concerned with my health, I now make extra effort to drink more juice, eat my vitamins, get out once in a while for some fresh air. I like sleeping, like many of us. But even having no assignments to rush, other housemates and I stay up late to study.


Thats a little bit about me.

But really, what difference is it being Christian as a student, or any other person? What is this whole getting top grades thing? What does studies mean to us... what does it mean to God, in the span of eternity?



Firstly, there is no difference.



For the second question. The knowledge of how capacitors work, how diodes work, how electricity flows... would be very worthless in the span of eternity.



However, a Christian student is to honour God in his work - for now, our job is to study. We may do many other things in church, or volunteer for charitable purposes. However, considering the amount of time we spent in our studies, it is quite clear what our jobs are.

Though on the outside the Christian and the non-Christian look somewhat the same, yet the Christian student believes something that is contrary to the popular alternative that our studies is our future-


I will study Engineering to become a great engineer, or earn lots of money, or to help many people by inventing wonderful appliances. It is wonderful to have a goal and achieve something great, want to help people, and perhaps to earn lots of money

But from our understanding previously that the world will not last and that what is truly of utmost importance is God's Honour and the human responsibility towards God... We ought not to be distracted from the crucial work of saving souls to chase afer the dreams that are shaped according to our fancies, ours and the world's fancies.



As a Christian student, I still bear the joy and responsibility to preach God's Word through my words, deeds, and attitude. I suppose it is not difficult for us to understand the responsibility part, but let me share some of the joys with you being a Christian student - dismissing the notion that the responsibility is something that is without joy.



As a student, in my studies:



I discover wonderful principles in Mathematics.


3²+4²=5²



We are familiar with this one. We learn this in high school. It is simple, but for some of us who study Mathematics on the tertiary level, we know that all these are beautiful equations. The simpler it is, the more profound. It marvels some of us, it marvels many professors "HOW ON EARTH IS THAT POSSIBLE?"



We learn that many laws govern our universe very beautifully.


They say this is the most beautiful equation that ever existed. You can ask some of your Mathematician friends if you want to understand this. Engineering students should know it too.

On the electrical side, I am also amazed by how laws all work together. Some of us learnt from Physics about simple things such as conservation of energy. But have you ever thought that converting energy from one form to the other (as much as we can calculate the amount of energy and give them a certain name - Joules for it), up till third year, I don't really have any idea of explaining what energy really is? and the the conversion process is still very mysterious?


Invisible magnetic waves created within the dynamo - somehow through some process turn into light, turns into power that can move electric cars. If we really think hard about it, it is quite an insane thing how all these things work together. Chemistry, Biology - all these things are mad stuff. As days goes by, scientists discover more and more wonderful things, like the DNA.


From equations, one who ponders long enough might just see something divine. There many tons of other wonderful equations - equations to prove the fourth dimension, some like to call it the spiritual world - which mathematics can be applied to guide our thinking in such matters.

I can only speak from the scientific point of view, since that is what I am in. I suppose there are similar things in the arts - which I probably know too little to comment on it.

My studies (some parts, not all) teaches me wonderful things about God, and I have to say that God did reveal some part of Himself through mathematics so that I appreciate Him more. Not only more, but also brought me to adore some qualities that another person who does not understand mathematics wouldn't see.


Yes, there are many boring parts in my studies where I learn how all these relates to our real life, how to apply these things. Tons of formulas that are difficult to memorize (which of course, God created both the simple and the complicated formulas - we merely discovered them) bore me. Well, in this world - we don't just feed on thoughts, we have to live, eat, shit, get tired and sleep and do all the "practical" things like use computers, electricity...


Yet somehow - there are times that we feel we were not created to do these things. Sometimes we want to play. Sometimes we want to do something that is truly significant in life , and we say "What on earth has this to do with it?"


Therefore, we look forward to a new world. Where we have new appetite for better things. Where we have a new body and the strength to do the things which truly matters - things that we were really created to do. As Christians, we sometimes do wish to just skip around and sing songs about God - close our eyes and dance around and express our joy to God. Yet it is the small menial things that disturb us. If we close our eyes and skip around, we might just bump into something else and fall down. People might think Christians are crazy or something. A pair of wings to fly would be cool. Being able to dance in the air would be cooler.


But I am sure Heaven would not be disappointing. Worshipping God on earth as a student, many times do not mean the most fun thing on earth to do. I get frustrated all the time. People who know me knows that I always look stressed - and yes, I am stressed all the time. Sometimes I cannot wait to just die and meet God. Yet I know I want to stay on earth, and God willing - as my friends see my attitude towards life - through my studies, through my living with them everyday... perhaps they might to open their minds toward the God of The Bible.


This is also another joy of being a student. I know that when I study, people watch. They watch my attitude. To some extent, they might be just looking for God in me - which I claim to say that Jesus lives in me.


Many times, as a student - it is the small things that frustrate me. Having to hang the clothes, having to wash the dishes. Why can't I just eat and have no dishes to wash? Then there are the "bigger" things. Final exams are just round the corner. I have grades to keep - I have to get a minimum of second upper class, which is part of my scholarship contract. It is my responsibility to keep it, but I prefer to call it a joy to lift the burden off my parents' shoulders by fulfilling my contract.


The world that I live in, is a world full of constraints. But with constraints, we know who our friends are. Loving is not easy, therefore we know what love that perseveres mean. With constraints, we are forced to prioritize and do what is more imporatant first. With constraints, we show our true colours. The higher the pressure, the more amazed I become as I see how God supports me from within.


Honestly, I look forward to a new world. Yet while I am here with all the frustrations... Thank God that He gave me friends and family - inside and outside the church. He has proved Himself faithful throughout the years, and when I come to my senses once in a while... I realize that it must have been tough for God to love someone like me.


It the quiet moments as I lie on my bed, I think back of what God has done, and somehow feel satisfied... even as my head is beating in rhythm with my heart as I ache over unsolved questions on engineering, relationships, my future.

Dear Mr Alex Von Brasch

Post Summary:
Today, Alex, my Telecommunication subject lecturer asked me about how I found the course - so here is a reply which I will give him tomorrow

Dr. Alex, though nobody calls him that way - asked me very casually how I found the course thus far. Alex loves deriving Mathematical equations, and is always fascinated by double angles, integrations, and how technology is applied - he likes technology, creativity within mathematics and engineering. During classes, he spends much time deriving equations, telling us about the efficiency of certain systems - one could see that he loves what he teaches. Here is the reply:

Thanks Alex for asking,

I think the subject is wonderful thus far. I have been learning many new
things - about the coding system (how less bits are used for common information,
more bits are using for rare information). To learn about the different
modulating systems, how certain codes are more efficient than the others,
requiring synchronization - how the FM signal can be demodulated using the VCO
-

These are all very interesting, yet to some extent, as much as I want to
know more about the subject - I have to balance the tension between learning
much and memorizing concepts and formulas. There is simply too many things to
digest, and there is a certain grade that I aim to achieve. Classes are packed
along with all the tests and evaluations every other week - there simply isn't
much time to sit down and appreciate technology for what it is.

It is very unfortunate that the weeks have been shortened, I think the
class can see that there is more you want to tell and elaborate but time does
not permit. Even now as the exams are coming, there are also other subjects to
prepare for, and that failing subjects would incur heavy costs for students,
especially international students who pay an average of about 4 times more
fees.

But as a conclusion, I just want to let you know that I have learnt much
things in the TELE 3113 class. I thought it was a core subject and didn't know
it was an elective until recently. I will be doing TELE 4652 next semester as
I'm more interested in Telecommunication subjects. Thank you also for being
available whenever I looked for you during your consultation hour.

Your student,

Joel