Spending time with my dad is good. It helps me see why I am who I am today.
Why do I speak the way I do?
Why do I question things the way I do?
What things to I get offended by?
I never realised how similar I am to my dad, though quite different. He bases his trust on himself mostly, he is more self-made. I trust in Jesus, though in a worldly point of view, I "technically" worked to where I am today. But the style we approach issues are so similar.
Last night, we had dinner outside - and suddenly, I found out that my dad quit smoking. As far as I know, he has been smoking for more than 40 years. An asthma attack during work (in some dusty construction place) made him sick of the place. It was bad enough that he stayed home for 2 weeks without going for work. And SUDDENLY, keyword SUDDENLY, he said he doesn't want to smoke. Naturally, I think this is a result of the asthma. But when I ask him, it isn't really about the asthma. It was not something that he actually decided by willpower. It was just
"I woke up one day, and smoking isn't the thing for me - it suddenly causes uneasiness in my throat"
I like the sound of these things. He still drinks though. But whatever, I like my dad drinking. I think he talks more when he drinks and it helps me bond with him. Coming home this time, I bought my parents a pair of iPod shuffle. Sitting down and just help my parents get more used to technology is pretty fun. It warms my heart to know that they are willing to learn. Definitely, I do not want to be in a position of "teaching my parents" in the arrogant sense.
During dinner last night, our family was suddenly talking about masseurs, reflexology, and how everybody seems to be in the business. So many practitioners who probably have no proper training seem to just print that "foot chart" off google images and start opening their own practice.
My dad was saying things along:
"I trust the technology. I don't doubt that these things can work and are probably scientific.... But IT'S THE BUGGER I DON'T TRUST"
He went on talking about how some of the people who seem to take pictures with important "datuk's" to back their claim of almost miraculous healing powers are all a joke - cos they were actuallly just demonstrating some techniques to them, and wasn't curing anything particular anyway.
Then he quoted the day's newspaper about Calvary Church. Apparently, the Senior Pastor is accused of "mismanagement of funds". The STAR article can be found here. He said this because he was talking about how American Reverends seem to come to Malaysia, to stadium negara, and pray for people and they get miraculously healed. I remember Josh saying, if they can really do that:
"Go to the hospital"
Well, Josh was a doctor.
Anyways, the whole chat over the dinner continued to be filled with more and more skepticism. And since Calvary Church was on the newspaper that day because of these issues - there was lots of "I'm not quite sure about these super respected pastors anymore". It is understandable, Calvary Church is probably the BIGGEST Megachurch in Malaysia and highly influential.
My mind was thinking of how to answer my dad during dinner. No, I had no intention of defending Calvary Church, or Prince Guneratnam. I was just thinking how to give them another strike. I was thinking how can I discredit the prosperity gospel more? How can I affirm that my dad's skepticism is valid?
At this point, it is important that I clarify a few things. One of the things that I learnt from my dad is "how to argue". Don't make mistakes, because once you do, my dad will remind you how you have made the mistake not only this time he caught you, but also last week/month/year. If he has reminded you of the issue more than a few times, then he would have "told you SO MANY TIMES", such that "are you stupid or what?"
That may sound like unfair argument tactics. Most of us would think it as "forgetfulness". But I know it is laziness. My dad is a very gracious person, but he isn't gracious when he is scolding you. He doesn't correct a mistake per se, he tells you things about your character. Sometimes it is true, sometimes it is exaggerated, but nonetheless, I learnt from him how to phrase arguments in a way that make people feel guilty.
This is the thing I learnt from him. Feel guilty or not, doesn't matter - It is better that you feel guilty, then you will do something about it. In our polite society, we tend to be courteous in a bad way such that if there was something to be corrected - we do it so politely that it is almost our fault to mention that somebody has a fault. He is a polite and friendly man to his friends, but if you are wrong, YOU ARE WRONG.
I love my dad. If there is one thing I learn from him, it is integrity. I'm not saying that he doesn't bribe policemen. Thats a different thing. But he doesn't pretend to be nice, he hates hypocrisy not the way the general public do. He has a dislikes it in a vocal way.
He was just talking about policemen stopping him for traffic offence. He knows what they want. They know what he wants. We all want less trouble, and he doesn't mind paying RM50 so that he doesn't need to pay RM300. The problem is the policeman starts lecturing my dad.
"Ini susah tahu, you lepas lampu merah, sangat bahaya tahu... hari itu, ada satu kes sama, kes serious...
In my dad's heart: "Eh... Shaaddup la, tell me how much you want"
Because, truly enough, after a few moments, the question is : "So, sekarang macam mana?"
Pay RM50, then the policeman pretends to write something and sends you off.
The thing is this, my dad doesn't mind the question "So macam mana nak settle?" He just hates the drama that goes before it. Firstly, it wastes his time. Secondly, please stop bullshitting me and get to the point. Being pretentious is just "yuck". Being raised up by my father, my brother and I hates pretense with a passion.
Skepticism is also one thing I learnt from my father. Because of the "don't tell me cock and bull stories please" attitude,I have learnt to question things naturally. Mix it all up together
1.hating pretense,
2.skepticism,
3. and making sure you get it if I catch you making a mistake)
Its such a beautiful combination. In my dad's mind, it is often "This people are so stupid and gullible, they haven't fallen for another "conman-who-promises-you-a-million-dollars-if-you-only-give-him-100,000" trick". The whole "everybody is so stupid" thing, yes, I caught it from my dad. Now, my dad isn't claiming to be extra smart, but he does have a point how people can be so stupid.
Reading the Bible, it has given me a framework WHY people can behave in such illogical ways. Of course, I do stupid stuff at many times. I get scolded by my dad often enough to know it. And hey, I think I turned out quite good. I sort of consider myself as a product of "good upbringing".
Now at this point of time, i know you the reader might think of issues like self-righteousness, and how arrogant I am to say things the way I do. Well, it is hard to convince you I am not trying to say things that way. Another thing I caught from my dad is "don't explain yourself". It is like the guy who - the more he defends himself, the more you suspect that he is in the wrong. My dad's integrity is good enough for you to trust that his intentions are good. If you doubt it, he doesn't need to explain it - it is your fault.
Now, my dad is not Christian, but there are many aspects of God that I learn from my dad. I learn things like how "His Word is good enough". If I give you my word, that is as good as done. I learn from my dad the value of a good name. I learn from my dad to hate pretense. I deduce that being honest, and sometimes blunt with a person is the way to respect another person. I learnt from my dad to "get to the point".
As I was chatting with my dad last night. I also realised that he starts repeating himself more. Is it a sign of aging? i.e. he forgets what he says. Maybe, I hope not. My dad has a good mind and I wish that he stays alert for a much longer period.
From what I caught from him, I think he wants to make himself very clear. And he has an assumption of people "not getting the point" or "not understanding what he is saying". Perhaps it is also that he wants to make his stand VERY CLEAR. Ambiguity is not his thing. The reason I guess this is because... I do that. I repeat things. I repeat because I think most people don't get what I am trying to say. I don't want you to ever tell me "I didn't know" after I told you something a million times.
Of all these things I have learnt from my dad, I only hope that he will apply his skepticism to look at the Bible. To know that the truth of God is so good that it is bulletproof. To see God's integrity. Sometimes, I hate all these politeness is because that there has been too many pretentious who has given politeness a bad name. Being polite has such a negative connotation to it, it no longer works in helping people see the truth. My dad is so skeptical of Christianity. I understand that yes, it is human to reject God. But I think that people are making rejecting God easier. But well, I do look forward to the day when my dad becomes Christian.
One of the things I learnt in all these is that I caught more from my dad than what I learn (if you get what I mean). I just never thought the influence would be so significant. This is how you know i'm his son. I'm just thinking of how this works out in the case where God is my Father. Ideas about "rubbing it (attitudes, convictions,etc) off God". But yeah, if anybody out there wonders where I get my passion and character from, it is the providence of God to put make me the son of my father. From God, I get the sanctified version of it. I think I'm starting to understand more what Jesus was saying when he was telling the Pharisees "Your father is the devil". I think, in some way, my father helped me love Jesus. That Jesus Guy is just so ... STRONG. "Your father is the devil". That sort of bold God-talk, boils my blood and send chills down my spine.
Anyway, on toiletries. I bought so much of them yesterday. I want to have a "good first impression". I was just looking through the "body sprays" section. I saw deodarant + perfume. Then I remembered Mitchell telling me what "for men" means. I think it is something about some special scent to attract the opposite sex - like we are some animals and we can use scents to psychologically trick them to believe that we are more manly than we really are.
As I thought about it, I couldn't help giggling. Its just so funny, cos I'm thinking "heheheh, I'm gonna buy one! I'm gonna buy one!" I bought breath sprays, shoe deodorizer, listerine,shampoo, body shampoo, facial cleanser, shaver.
As I was browsing, I saw "lubricant". I looked around, then I saw condoms. I was giggling again - no, its not because I'm getting it. Its just the kind of primary school joke - like how we laughed at "sifat sifat manusia". If you don't get the joke, ask a Malaysian cantonese friend. So I'm thinking...
Lubricants! ahhahahah....
Condom!.... ahahhaha!
Just shoot.. hahahaha.... watermelon flavour.... really???
Somehow, I don't know why, I forgot to buy the body spray. I will surely get it someday. Never used these stuff before.
Ah! I have a short break ahead of me, I better use my time wisely - and not degrade to a loaf of bread who plays computer games day and night.
