I'm slightly sick of writing these shallow stuff -
I want to tackle some issue from a Biblical perspective honestly.
I'm sick of coming up with the whole seeker-friendly thing, and coming with let-me-pretend-i-don't-know-the-answer stuff.
enjoy a beautiful song with me
Showing posts with label Frustrations. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Frustrations. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Something against premature peace
premature peace = there probably is a better technical term for it. But what I mean by 'premature peace' means that peace that is achieved before the real issue at hand is really resolved.
Examples of this is sometimes how people tolerate each other until apoint they cannot take it anymore. Two parties disagree with one another. They do not want to agree to disagree, but they do not want to feel like people who disagree. So they say something like "let us put aside our differences" and tolerate each other. Then, the critical point comes - BOOM.
This is a real danger for the pacifists of this age. We tend to prefer good reputation, and be well liked by everyone - and tolerate things we shouldn't tolerate.
I hate the whole 'premature peace' thing, and i have a general disdain for 'premature peacemakers'. I think that they are people who prefer a good image over a good deed - and this is one of the most hypocritical thing that people do. Appear noble, appear well mannered, appear everything that society approves - and in reality be a person who is full of theirselves.
'premature peace' is no peace - it is just delaying the inevitable. And normally, the inevitable is much worse than what the issue normally was. In the end, somebody has to clean up the crap that the earlier 'peacemaker' made - and being a REAL peacemaker in a messy situation often means that they have to do some dirty job that nobody wants to do. The REAL peacemaker receives no credit, while the earlier idiot basks in the praises of others.
(but then you might say, sooner or later, the public will realize the idiot. It is normally either "later" or "never". Trust me, the public is generally slow or stupid and they tend not to realize the obvious)
I love peace. It might not appear that way most of the time, but I do love real peace. I love it so much for myself and for others that I am unwilling to trade it for patronizing nonsense like "lets just concentrate on our similarities and forget our differences". I want to work hard on real peace, it might not work out. But I don't want to bury issues and create a timebomb for the next person.
Don't pass the buck. Take responsibility. Get real peace, not some poor imitation.
Examples of this is sometimes how people tolerate each other until apoint they cannot take it anymore. Two parties disagree with one another. They do not want to agree to disagree, but they do not want to feel like people who disagree. So they say something like "let us put aside our differences" and tolerate each other. Then, the critical point comes - BOOM.
This is a real danger for the pacifists of this age. We tend to prefer good reputation, and be well liked by everyone - and tolerate things we shouldn't tolerate.
I hate the whole 'premature peace' thing, and i have a general disdain for 'premature peacemakers'. I think that they are people who prefer a good image over a good deed - and this is one of the most hypocritical thing that people do. Appear noble, appear well mannered, appear everything that society approves - and in reality be a person who is full of theirselves.
'premature peace' is no peace - it is just delaying the inevitable. And normally, the inevitable is much worse than what the issue normally was. In the end, somebody has to clean up the crap that the earlier 'peacemaker' made - and being a REAL peacemaker in a messy situation often means that they have to do some dirty job that nobody wants to do. The REAL peacemaker receives no credit, while the earlier idiot basks in the praises of others.
(but then you might say, sooner or later, the public will realize the idiot. It is normally either "later" or "never". Trust me, the public is generally slow or stupid and they tend not to realize the obvious)
I love peace. It might not appear that way most of the time, but I do love real peace. I love it so much for myself and for others that I am unwilling to trade it for patronizing nonsense like "lets just concentrate on our similarities and forget our differences". I want to work hard on real peace, it might not work out. But I don't want to bury issues and create a timebomb for the next person.
Don't pass the buck. Take responsibility. Get real peace, not some poor imitation.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Struggling Thoughts
This post is not designed with some persuasive flow of argument in mind. It is just that i have been thinking about this issue for a long while, and I will lay down the basic inference. It is designed mainly to just vent out some anger in a non-complaining way, a jotting down of thoughts, personal in nature, and written with a heavy heart. Here goes:
A Christian should value things differently from the world, and have little interest in things that are worldly. The interest that he/she should have in worldly things is only for the sake of being culturally relevant such that the gospel can be preached. While some of us are brought up and are fed with likings for certain things - like football, cars, computer games, shopping (which means a whole list of things like shoes, clothes, etc) - a Christian should not nurture these desires.
Now I think this is a hard one to defend.
1. Because there are just so many people who like obsessively the things I just typed about.
2. Because the things are meant to be neutral in nature.
3. Because it seems that if you have little desire for these things you are going to be like some hermit who should really be living in a cave or some mountain peak where people climb miles up to see you for zen-like one liner wisdom
4. Because there will be a struggle to draw the line between legalism and genuine sincere desires
5. Because humans are generally sinful, we tend to take neutral things and use it self-centeredly
Laying down those ideas, add to the list if you like in the comments - but what I am not saying is that:
1. Things are bad and it is wicked to enjoy a good meal
2. We should detach ourselves from the world like many religious figures do
3. We should follow rules for the sake of feeling superior to others
4. We will become perfect by our own effort if we just "tried hard enough"
I will share with you why I am thinking about this in the first place:
Many Christians look exactly like non-Christians. Spend money like non-Christians, stay up late to watch football and miss church the next day, greatest goal in life is to get healthy-wealthy-rich and somehow donate enough money or do enough charity work such that they feel that they have contributed their part to society + silenced their conscience. Christians not knowing their Bible just like an average non-Christian, not sharing their faith since they don't know what it is anyway, etc.
I will tell why it matters:
Because this earth is not our home - we have heaven as our aim. We are meant to be responsible stewards of resources: time, energy, money, desires, things. When my priorities do not reflect heaven as my aim, then I am not being loving to others and will deny the gospel with my behaviour however vehemently I may proclaim it with my lips (which is also pretty hard to do when we know we are bad testimony).
2 results of that is:
1. God is not No.1 and honored in our lives as seen in our priorities.
2. We are giving a bad name to Jesus when we call ourselves Christians - tell others that God is Glorious when we spend everything to make ourselves glorious
If you can connect the points, yes I am saying that:
Our practice reveals our priorities, and our priorities reveal our beliefs. If we claim to believe 1 thing, and we practice another, we are just being hypocrites. The damage is not limited to ourselves - it says something about God, and it is told to many people who already have no fear of God in their lives.
Compared to another Christian, I tend to take it to the extreme. I do not think it is the extreme, but I think I can agree with them to disagree on this point. I really do think that the major portion of time that a Christian have should be used to extend the gospel.
Being contented with just getting a "ticket to heaven" is terribly misleading and misses the whole point of being a Christian. I just gotta do my part in following Jesus and encouraging other brothers in the journey, while drawing the rest of the crowd to the attention of their ugly fate - in hope that they may realize that we are all wicked sinners, who don't deserve heaven and have a judgment waiting for us.
A Christian should value things differently from the world, and have little interest in things that are worldly. The interest that he/she should have in worldly things is only for the sake of being culturally relevant such that the gospel can be preached. While some of us are brought up and are fed with likings for certain things - like football, cars, computer games, shopping (which means a whole list of things like shoes, clothes, etc) - a Christian should not nurture these desires.
Now I think this is a hard one to defend.
1. Because there are just so many people who like obsessively the things I just typed about.
2. Because the things are meant to be neutral in nature.
3. Because it seems that if you have little desire for these things you are going to be like some hermit who should really be living in a cave or some mountain peak where people climb miles up to see you for zen-like one liner wisdom
4. Because there will be a struggle to draw the line between legalism and genuine sincere desires
5. Because humans are generally sinful, we tend to take neutral things and use it self-centeredly
Laying down those ideas, add to the list if you like in the comments - but what I am not saying is that:
1. Things are bad and it is wicked to enjoy a good meal
2. We should detach ourselves from the world like many religious figures do
3. We should follow rules for the sake of feeling superior to others
4. We will become perfect by our own effort if we just "tried hard enough"
I will share with you why I am thinking about this in the first place:
Many Christians look exactly like non-Christians. Spend money like non-Christians, stay up late to watch football and miss church the next day, greatest goal in life is to get healthy-wealthy-rich and somehow donate enough money or do enough charity work such that they feel that they have contributed their part to society + silenced their conscience. Christians not knowing their Bible just like an average non-Christian, not sharing their faith since they don't know what it is anyway, etc.
I will tell why it matters:
Because this earth is not our home - we have heaven as our aim. We are meant to be responsible stewards of resources: time, energy, money, desires, things. When my priorities do not reflect heaven as my aim, then I am not being loving to others and will deny the gospel with my behaviour however vehemently I may proclaim it with my lips (which is also pretty hard to do when we know we are bad testimony).
2 results of that is:
1. God is not No.1 and honored in our lives as seen in our priorities.
2. We are giving a bad name to Jesus when we call ourselves Christians - tell others that God is Glorious when we spend everything to make ourselves glorious
If you can connect the points, yes I am saying that:
Our practice reveals our priorities, and our priorities reveal our beliefs. If we claim to believe 1 thing, and we practice another, we are just being hypocrites. The damage is not limited to ourselves - it says something about God, and it is told to many people who already have no fear of God in their lives.
Compared to another Christian, I tend to take it to the extreme. I do not think it is the extreme, but I think I can agree with them to disagree on this point. I really do think that the major portion of time that a Christian have should be used to extend the gospel.
Being contented with just getting a "ticket to heaven" is terribly misleading and misses the whole point of being a Christian. I just gotta do my part in following Jesus and encouraging other brothers in the journey, while drawing the rest of the crowd to the attention of their ugly fate - in hope that they may realize that we are all wicked sinners, who don't deserve heaven and have a judgment waiting for us.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Pressure On Every Side
I just finished the whole "working life" thing which lasted for 6 weeks, I am supposed to have a heavy burden lifted off my shoulders - no?
Well, yes in some ways... I don't have to sit down at office for half a day at least - I gain many hours and save petrol along with toll money.
There are things I lost too. I now don't get to continue to talk to my colleague about Jesus.
I get more time to set appointments to talk with other people about Jesus.
But as I talk to more and more people about Jesus, sometimes we come into conflict simply because Christians have been fed with unsound theology in churches. I have been in that state - and the undoing process is long, tiring, and discouraging. When someone have been believing something for years, it is hard to convince them to believe something else... EVEN if you can prove the truth. In doing that, there are many times I do not know whether God will grant me success in persuading them or not - and in desperation, fearing that I have labored in vain for long wasted hours, I reduce myself to use unfair argument tactics when I only present one side of the coin without spending time to explain why other arguments do not hold water.
When I talk, sometimes I gain people's trust. But as for the older generation, they cannot help but think that I am getting a little unstable in my mind.
"How can you, as a boy, criticize an older pastor's sermon?"
I don't quite know how to answer that. I could choose from one of the four below:
1) Shut up, and present to that person that I am a person who respects older people
2) Shut up, and tell myself that truth does not matter
3) Speak up, and say "Because he is wrong" (and wonder if they are even listening, and give the impression that I disrespect elders)
4) Speak up and say "I don't know, maybe he is right", going against my conscience - hoping that i didn't even criticized at the first place
I chose 3. How usual. Though I wished I could be well received like choosing 1. I don't know. I reasoned to myself that if somebody doesn't get where I am coming from, then saying anything will just risk myself of being misunderstood.
Everybody wants to be loved. I want too. But what do you do when your mom asks you to share the gospel to other people instead of the malay friends you have - she fears for your safety!
In my mind, the same choices go again. And I told my mom she should love God more than she loves me. I don't know if it could be gentler but also telling the truth. I am so sick of having to be nice and gentle in telling things slowly. But I have to, or else no one will listen.
Even for guys, to some extent I feel that many are such a sissy for not being able to handle arguments like a man. Not interested in truth. Not interested in fighting for truth. Not to mention that I have to be even more gentle with girls. I am almost going to die for speaking softly.
I want to shout. This whole battle of suppressing my desire to burst out in anger, this whole battle of being gentle, this whole rage within that desire to shout "WAKE UP YOU IDIOTS!" ... is making me sick. I never really thought that it was this hard to be gentle.
While I know that what I am facing is almost nothing compared to what Christ suffered, I still feel the ache. I pray, but no relief comes - I am not sure if relief should come or not. The best of my brothers and sisters can only tell me to keep pushing on, occasionally correcting me. Like perhaps, I should just shut up when my mom told me not to preach the Gospel to Malays as she fears for my safety.
If I sit down long enough and draw up some equations in my mind, perhaps I could work out what I should or should not have said. But I just feel so sick to even start doing that. I know better than to just rant and look for some self-pity. Although I think I might be involved in it at this very present moment as I type this, I somehow don't want to think that this whole blogging thing is exactly "ranting and searching for self-pity on a global scale".
Maybe I am weak, although I do not like to think of myself that way. I think - it must take quite a lot to be a man. To face it, to feel the pain, and to move on.
Besides this whole thing about facing problems sharing the Bible, ASTRO has also pressured me to secure a good internship if I want to stay in Australia for a few months after I complete my studies. I NEED to get an internship with FOXTEL. Or else I will be wasting something like 1500 dollars for air tickets. They don't know the pressure they are putting on me. I understand that - they are concerned about auditing. In a company of 2500 people, you can't be concerned about everybody can you? Probably not feasible to do so.
But here I am, I have to keep up my grades with this whole final year thesis coming up, and I have to get an internship with FOXTEL. As though one of them is not difficult enough.
In the back of my head, I am thinking... Ah, once ALL of these are over, I will have rest. But from what I learn in life, problems never decrease - as I enter adulthood, they only get more and more complex, as I have to bear more and more responsibilities. As I think of marriage and all the plus points that come with it - well, there is sex. Big thing I don't want to leave out.
But after marriage, i probably won't need to blog these stuff out. I could just tell it to some one. And as I start to think about marriage in a self centered way, I know that such self centeredness not only leads to unrealistic expectations and definite disappointment that results from it.... such self centeredness is so cruel on my wife. It is so cruel that I won't marry me. I like to play with kids, but don't tell me about raising kids. I already have a hard time raising adults.
I see so much self centeredness in such thinking, yet I feel as though if I start thinking more other centeredness, I will just die under the pressure. I have this odd feeling that if that is the choice, then I should just choose to die under the pressure - because somehow I think that God will somehow keep me alive through it.
Here is one of those kind of decisions again - be a man or not to be a man. It just has to be that hard - no? I just want to take a sleep. A deep long sleep.
Don't worry, I'm not ignorant enough to commit suicide. But yes, I need some good rest in my heart. Like, some patting on my head. Like puppies you know. There comes a point in tiredness that I don't quite mind being treated like a dog... I mean, puppy. Here is the road, narrow and steep, and I think that it could only get more difficult as it goes along. I have been ranting about tiredness since a few months ago, I'm amazed I have not collapsed yet.
Coming to think of it, a few months only and I am talking like a childish boy. I must be pretty shameless to start comparing with Jesus just now. Well, whatever. I can't wait for the day to come.
That glorious day that we keep thinking about when we have Holy Communion.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Not in Vain
It has been 5 weeks since I landed in Malaysia. I landed in Malaysia with big ideas of wanting to bring the newfound theology I learnt from the Bible back to church.
I was thinking that perhaps, by sending books and audio sermons, and presenting the "different Joel" to the church leadership, they might just be persuaded. I thought that to persuade them to read the Bible for what it is was simple: to go through verse by verse, to read the passage in context was a very appealing thing to do.
Well, it wasn't. I now know again what it is like to have ideas just being patronized. Email replies that were just send to acknowledge you - saying "Yes, I received your email or your opinion". To some extent, I expected that - but I'm in for some good surprise.
Most of the "higher position" people in church would continue of with their agenda... but there are personal friends in church, not exactly my superior in church leadership - they became interested in what I wanted to say!
But before going into that, lets start with home!
I have been sharing difficulties I encountered in sermons with my mother, and we discussed them with the Bible open. Then I prepared a quarter of my Christmas talk with my mother, and teaching her how to understand the Bible in context and make sense out of different verses at the same time. I got her some good Christian books and she is reading them - and as time passes, she is learning how to read the Bible for herself instead of just having to rely on a preacher on the stage to tell her what the Bible means. She is more and more convinced, and she is supportive of what I'm supportive now. Having said that, every time I talk with her, I wanted her to know that she didn't have to take my word as truth, but that she could find the truth in the Bible - and she did and continues to do so!
Besides my mom, it is my colleagues. After knowing that I'm a Christian, they asked me different things about the Bible (we did not steal time from the company to discuss these things, just in case you are wondering if I am talking about Bible things when I actually should be working - the answer is no, I did it after work was completed).
How could it be authentic? Isn't the Quran more reliable? How could God be "Father, Son and Holy Spirit" but still be one God? Why can't Jesus just be a man? What about Prophet Muhammad?
And from simply having to reply questions, I got to explain different things about Christianity even clearer, and in the process, explain who Jesus is, and why we ought to become Christians.
Besides colleagues, I also got to share with church friends. Pointing out different areas of doubt about the sermons, highlighting different parts where the Bible was taken out of context to just support an argument of theirs - I got the opportunity to explain about how the whole Old Testament of the Bible is actually about Jesus. How good and proper understanding of the Bible will lead to good interpretation - and how all these motivates us to truly love and fear God. My friend is interested to know more, and I am happy - because it is not easy to find people who love God's Word more than their pastor!
Then besides my colleagues, there are Nepali security guards, I know that there are some Nepali Bibles around, perhaps I could get my hands on some of them and give them to the security guards. And perhaps if they have difficulty reading it, I could arrive early for work to explain to them! I haven't done it yet, but it looks possible.
Besides the security guard, now I'm trying to get to the music leader in church. Sometimes I just find that the Christian songs we sing are so void of meaning. Only filled with words like "i praise you Lord, I love You, I worship You, I give You my life", otherwise, it is meaningless. Therefore, I'm recommending songs that have more content, that would help us reflect on more Christian things - the cross, Jesus, God's Word, etc... as we sing. I hope we will sing new songs, that would be helpful in helping us understand God better.
As if these were not enough, I'm happy to see some friends who have came back from Australia, seeking to do Christian Work in Malaysia. It is such a joy to see them, to hear the reports of their labours, and of God's faithfulness in providing them with opportunities to share the Bible - and then also to discuss with them how to rejuvenate Malaysian churches.
It was really discouraging before this, but God has given me the opportunity to see that these labours are not in vain. I know some Christian friends who are trying to do the same thing, but they have yet to see the fruits of their labour -
I ask these friends not to give up. We sow the seeds everywhere, and God will choose to grow whichever that He desires. Whether the fruit bears in our garden, or in another brother's garden, we rejoice. Talk for me now is easy, because I see fruits. But I'm pretty sure it will not be long that I will be discouraged in many ways, but it is all worth giving thanks for.
Thinking back (I think I said this elsewhere before), out of 10 Christians I know back in high school, only 2 are still Christians. They were the CF president, they were the little teachers, they were... and they WERE. It is sad and discouraging. But we still move on sharing the Gospel, because God still have lost children out there - just waiting to be found.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
As The Final Exams Draw Near...
My hair gets messier. Gah! It is only one-inch long and it can get messy.
I start to read a few verses in the Bible once in a while... imagining that I will somehow get smarter after that.
Do push-ups evevery once in a while because my body somehow aches when I study. Headache, neck ache, back ache...
I feel lonely - I don't seem to get along well with the books.
I discover a lot of new things. I used to learn Normal distributions, exponential, Poisson distributions only. But today I realized there is such a thing called t-distribution and F-distribution... which I am supposed to know weeks ago.
Nobody seems to be online although there are so many people online.
Time seems to pass too quickly. Yet I seem to be wasting lots of them somehow - even though I thought that I studied for very long.
I want to Chor Dai Dee!!!
I lose hair since I keep pulling them off.
I dance.
I talk to myself.
I play with my stationery more often.
I laugh to myself.
I pretend I am a bird and start flapping my hands around the house... singing la la la la...
I imagine being some uber rich tycoon and has no need to study in university... and maybe take a nap...
GAH! NO.....
I remember deadlines, test dates, exam dates more than I remember holidays and birthdays.
I keep counting my test and assignment marks and think of the ridiculously high marks I need to obtain for my final exam to get Distinction.
....
I am suddenly reminded of the resistor I blew up in the Electronics lab today. I spent more than an hour to connect the whole circuit and put in all the right values of resistors... then 5 minutes into the lab...
POOF! Bright Light! Smoke! Whole 47000 ohm resistor burnt. 5 minutes into a 3 hour lab... and this is final evaluation for my lab class. GAHHHH!!!!!!!
I have spent an hour on this... typing and thinking of more tragedies and traumatic experiences.. I shall now resume studying for statistics test on monday... 5 marks... and then tomorrow got Control Systems Lab evaluation....10 marks....
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I start to read a few verses in the Bible once in a while... imagining that I will somehow get smarter after that.
Do push-ups evevery once in a while because my body somehow aches when I study. Headache, neck ache, back ache...
I feel lonely - I don't seem to get along well with the books.
I discover a lot of new things. I used to learn Normal distributions, exponential, Poisson distributions only. But today I realized there is such a thing called t-distribution and F-distribution... which I am supposed to know weeks ago.
Nobody seems to be online although there are so many people online.
Time seems to pass too quickly. Yet I seem to be wasting lots of them somehow - even though I thought that I studied for very long.
I want to Chor Dai Dee!!!
I lose hair since I keep pulling them off.
I dance.
I talk to myself.
I play with my stationery more often.
I laugh to myself.
I pretend I am a bird and start flapping my hands around the house... singing la la la la...
I imagine being some uber rich tycoon and has no need to study in university... and maybe take a nap...
GAH! NO.....
I remember deadlines, test dates, exam dates more than I remember holidays and birthdays.
I keep counting my test and assignment marks and think of the ridiculously high marks I need to obtain for my final exam to get Distinction.
....
I am suddenly reminded of the resistor I blew up in the Electronics lab today. I spent more than an hour to connect the whole circuit and put in all the right values of resistors... then 5 minutes into the lab...
POOF! Bright Light! Smoke! Whole 47000 ohm resistor burnt. 5 minutes into a 3 hour lab... and this is final evaluation for my lab class. GAHHHH!!!!!!!
I have spent an hour on this... typing and thinking of more tragedies and traumatic experiences.. I shall now resume studying for statistics test on monday... 5 marks... and then tomorrow got Control Systems Lab evaluation....10 marks....
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Saturday, September 27, 2008
The Round Ball
My friend who guided me much in my life a season in my life - Josh always this:
"Life is like a round ball"
It was one of those corny lines like - Life is like a box of chocolates sort of thing. I don't ever remember him explaining what he meant by "Life is like a round ball"... but one thing I know, life goes on and on - like a round ball. You can be happy, you can be sad, life goes on... You may be half alive, you might be on top of the world... life goes on. Even if you die one day, the world just goes on.
Assignments come and go, different seasons in our life poses us different challenges... the challenges we faced and the decisions we made about them seems so childish now. But it did not look that childish back then. Should I live a few more years down the road, perhaps I would laugh at the reasons why I get depressed today.
Life going on and on - I learn that I could be the kind of person that never grows up. Very much like Love songs. The boyband sings about losing the one he loves 10 years ago, and they will continue singing about the same thing 10 years later. Perhaps I'm that kind of person, I'm afraid that in a few years time, I will become depressed over the things that depress me now. Since 7 years ago, I feel insecure and inferior over... more childish things... 7 years later, I feel insecure and inferior over childish things of a higher class. A more sophisticated kind of childishness.
It makes me think quite a bit how I live now. Behave your age? What do you mean by behave your age? I just cannot lose touch with my generation. As much as I want to keep in touch, the years of lonely thoughts have seperated me very much from... good and simple things in life. I don't think I know how to enjoy the company of another person. I always paint a picture of a perfect 10 in my mind, and tend to only praise people who are able to do the best - not so much their best.
Why? Who told me that "this is a real and practical world"? "If your perfect 10 is not the practical perfect 10 of the world, then it is no perfect 10"... I know the effort people put into their work. And many times... your perfect 10 is something harder to achieve than the world's perfect 10 - but why Joel? You know that it is hard to "give your all"... but why do you measure things the way the world measures?
This whole world is about relationships. Your mindset will kill you if you don't change. Like a round ball, you will continue living - but you will be more dead than alive. There are things that are worth giving up...
My mindset has defined me. My mindset is not only unhelpful (though helpful in certain things), but it is destructive to this world. You are a chaos, you are an outlaw, you are unloving... There are things I am willing to give up. I want to give up my thoughts. I want a new beginning. I want an assurance of a chance to turn a new leaf. I want to die to myself... so I can live. I am rotten beyond change, I need a new beginning - yet I the ugliness in me is pushing me to look like a perfect 10...
It is like...
Joel, if you repent, you have to get it right the first time you do it. How can you ever be wrong? SHIT Joel. You can be wrong and you are damn wrong at this point. You have conversations with yourself more than you have with God plus other people. Now, don't even try to turn your reluctance into a philosophy - and join in the league of the geniuses of self-denial. You hate it, and the reason is simple.
Fear. Fear is such an amazing things. It doesn't kill you, but it drains off your life. A life of paralysis. Thats what you are fighting Joel. You are fighting your fear to fight. What if they laugh and what if they sneer?
Do it anyway. But let me assure you my dear boy, they won't be laughing at you and sneering at your. The people around you care for you more than you ever cared for yourself. They see the simple things you will never see. And as pessimistic as this world is, I have got to give them the credit and put some faith in them to change me. Why be an individual?
I want to be an individual. But I realize that the prize of being an individual...well, I don't know what is the prize of being an "individual"... but I know whatever the prize is, I will take it alone. There is no one to celebrate with if there was ever such a prise - "The best individual in the world". There are people in my life that I love enough, to be willing to lose myself.
I can't always sit around and hope for some big-time-life-changing-event to come. Today is the life changing event. If today you cannot make a wise decision with a cool head, what makes me think I can make a better one when my head is hot? This is the problem with you Joel. You actually quarrel with yourself. You know it isn't an angel-devil-voice-in-the-head, you know it is just you who tries to want everything.
Hey Joel, sometimes having everything - even if it is possile... isn't the best thing. If everybody has too much, how can anybody share anything? If nobody lacks, how can we show love? Why on earth do you have the dumb idea that "much is good"? Well, you know you are not fully convinced that the whole idea of "much is good" is dumb... there is some measure of truth in there.
Sigh...
I know what I want. I want to live a normal life. This year I am 20. I am at my prime. I can't afford losing time. In my mind, I am a little glad that I am learning through this all. If you never said no... I would be living in dreamland. But now that you said no, I thank you. It has been long since I realized that life ain't a bed of roses. There are things that cannot be rushed... growth takes time, but I know that there is such a thing as "refusing to grow up".
I want to grow up well.
I want to grow up well.
I want to grow up well.
I am a boy.but I cannot stay a boy forever. I may know a little more things, but if I stay a boy... the good things I know will one day be my stumbling block. I don't want to grow old without growing up. I know many old people who has never grown up. Yet because of the very same reason, I know that I do not love them enough to give them my life to love them enough to teach them.
Grow up Joel. Learn to do something good without hoping for a reward. Learn to consider growth a reward. Learn to consider giving as a blessing. I know people who consider giving as a blessing because it gives them some self worth... No, I don't want my worth to be defined by my giving.
I want to cry. I want to cry. I want to cry. I want to cry because I know nobody can change my mind. I am in dire need of some love and support. I will degrade from boy to baby. But perhaps that is one thing I need to learn, to be humble enough to accept help. After all, whether I grow up or not... life goes on.
"Life is like a round ball"
It was one of those corny lines like - Life is like a box of chocolates sort of thing. I don't ever remember him explaining what he meant by "Life is like a round ball"... but one thing I know, life goes on and on - like a round ball. You can be happy, you can be sad, life goes on... You may be half alive, you might be on top of the world... life goes on. Even if you die one day, the world just goes on.
Assignments come and go, different seasons in our life poses us different challenges... the challenges we faced and the decisions we made about them seems so childish now. But it did not look that childish back then. Should I live a few more years down the road, perhaps I would laugh at the reasons why I get depressed today.
Life going on and on - I learn that I could be the kind of person that never grows up. Very much like Love songs. The boyband sings about losing the one he loves 10 years ago, and they will continue singing about the same thing 10 years later. Perhaps I'm that kind of person, I'm afraid that in a few years time, I will become depressed over the things that depress me now. Since 7 years ago, I feel insecure and inferior over... more childish things... 7 years later, I feel insecure and inferior over childish things of a higher class. A more sophisticated kind of childishness.
It makes me think quite a bit how I live now. Behave your age? What do you mean by behave your age? I just cannot lose touch with my generation. As much as I want to keep in touch, the years of lonely thoughts have seperated me very much from... good and simple things in life. I don't think I know how to enjoy the company of another person. I always paint a picture of a perfect 10 in my mind, and tend to only praise people who are able to do the best - not so much their best.
Why? Who told me that "this is a real and practical world"? "If your perfect 10 is not the practical perfect 10 of the world, then it is no perfect 10"... I know the effort people put into their work. And many times... your perfect 10 is something harder to achieve than the world's perfect 10 - but why Joel? You know that it is hard to "give your all"... but why do you measure things the way the world measures?
This whole world is about relationships. Your mindset will kill you if you don't change. Like a round ball, you will continue living - but you will be more dead than alive. There are things that are worth giving up...
My mindset has defined me. My mindset is not only unhelpful (though helpful in certain things), but it is destructive to this world. You are a chaos, you are an outlaw, you are unloving... There are things I am willing to give up. I want to give up my thoughts. I want a new beginning. I want an assurance of a chance to turn a new leaf. I want to die to myself... so I can live. I am rotten beyond change, I need a new beginning - yet I the ugliness in me is pushing me to look like a perfect 10...
It is like...
Joel, if you repent, you have to get it right the first time you do it. How can you ever be wrong? SHIT Joel. You can be wrong and you are damn wrong at this point. You have conversations with yourself more than you have with God plus other people. Now, don't even try to turn your reluctance into a philosophy - and join in the league of the geniuses of self-denial. You hate it, and the reason is simple.
Fear. Fear is such an amazing things. It doesn't kill you, but it drains off your life. A life of paralysis. Thats what you are fighting Joel. You are fighting your fear to fight. What if they laugh and what if they sneer?
Do it anyway. But let me assure you my dear boy, they won't be laughing at you and sneering at your. The people around you care for you more than you ever cared for yourself. They see the simple things you will never see. And as pessimistic as this world is, I have got to give them the credit and put some faith in them to change me. Why be an individual?
I want to be an individual. But I realize that the prize of being an individual...well, I don't know what is the prize of being an "individual"... but I know whatever the prize is, I will take it alone. There is no one to celebrate with if there was ever such a prise - "The best individual in the world". There are people in my life that I love enough, to be willing to lose myself.
I can't always sit around and hope for some big-time-life-changing-event to come. Today is the life changing event. If today you cannot make a wise decision with a cool head, what makes me think I can make a better one when my head is hot? This is the problem with you Joel. You actually quarrel with yourself. You know it isn't an angel-devil-voice-in-the-head, you know it is just you who tries to want everything.
Hey Joel, sometimes having everything - even if it is possile... isn't the best thing. If everybody has too much, how can anybody share anything? If nobody lacks, how can we show love? Why on earth do you have the dumb idea that "much is good"? Well, you know you are not fully convinced that the whole idea of "much is good" is dumb... there is some measure of truth in there.
Sigh...
I know what I want. I want to live a normal life. This year I am 20. I am at my prime. I can't afford losing time. In my mind, I am a little glad that I am learning through this all. If you never said no... I would be living in dreamland. But now that you said no, I thank you. It has been long since I realized that life ain't a bed of roses. There are things that cannot be rushed... growth takes time, but I know that there is such a thing as "refusing to grow up".
I want to grow up well.
I want to grow up well.
I want to grow up well.
I am a boy.but I cannot stay a boy forever. I may know a little more things, but if I stay a boy... the good things I know will one day be my stumbling block. I don't want to grow old without growing up. I know many old people who has never grown up. Yet because of the very same reason, I know that I do not love them enough to give them my life to love them enough to teach them.
Grow up Joel. Learn to do something good without hoping for a reward. Learn to consider growth a reward. Learn to consider giving as a blessing. I know people who consider giving as a blessing because it gives them some self worth... No, I don't want my worth to be defined by my giving.
I want to cry. I want to cry. I want to cry. I want to cry because I know nobody can change my mind. I am in dire need of some love and support. I will degrade from boy to baby. But perhaps that is one thing I need to learn, to be humble enough to accept help. After all, whether I grow up or not... life goes on.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Little Stones
A fine cool day,
walking down the lonely path,
Little stones along the way,
dashing against my foot.
Such are these days. Everything I need is here, the good things in life to cheer me up; the little assurances I love to have - a home to stay, money to spend, academics which are doing pretty okay. God is in the picture, Christian and non-Christian friends surround me - there is fellowship, there is ministry.
Yet, the journey is not an easy one. Academics keep me on my toes. Hope strengthens me when I grow tired and weary. Not too strong, but strong enough to give me assurance that I will be able to endure.
Yet, it is not only marked with busy-ness as a routine, but also pricks. A piece of my heart is somewhere, somewhere it does not belong. My eyes grant me memories that brings pain to my heart. Everyday, I am reminded of the pain - and these thoughts keep my mind troubled all the time. The seemingly trivial things that are not trivial at all... they hurt my feet, I grow weary of walking - yet they cannot kill me.
Living between life and death - a full life belongs to me. Struggles have never been so consistent, such energy has never been required of me. Yet for the glory of this struggle, such is this life. Between here and a land far away, between life and death.
This life demands my vision to see heaven and earth, yet not a place somewhere in between. A call to have such violence that is gentle! A cry and a shout in the form of a plea. The identity of a man, yet being the bride. A position that desires to give - so much... yet is constantly receiving. A promise of acceptance and belonging, yet Home is somewhere in the distant future.
In this world you have tribulation - but be of good cheer, for I have overcome the world.
What is it that You have overcome? Your overcoming has granted vision of the strength of hope - If hope is already this strong, how much greater shall the realization be?
Little stones strike my feet along the way,
Until the largest boulder take me Home.
walking down the lonely path,
Little stones along the way,
dashing against my foot.
Such are these days. Everything I need is here, the good things in life to cheer me up; the little assurances I love to have - a home to stay, money to spend, academics which are doing pretty okay. God is in the picture, Christian and non-Christian friends surround me - there is fellowship, there is ministry.
Yet, the journey is not an easy one. Academics keep me on my toes. Hope strengthens me when I grow tired and weary. Not too strong, but strong enough to give me assurance that I will be able to endure.
Yet, it is not only marked with busy-ness as a routine, but also pricks. A piece of my heart is somewhere, somewhere it does not belong. My eyes grant me memories that brings pain to my heart. Everyday, I am reminded of the pain - and these thoughts keep my mind troubled all the time. The seemingly trivial things that are not trivial at all... they hurt my feet, I grow weary of walking - yet they cannot kill me.
Living between life and death - a full life belongs to me. Struggles have never been so consistent, such energy has never been required of me. Yet for the glory of this struggle, such is this life. Between here and a land far away, between life and death.
This life demands my vision to see heaven and earth, yet not a place somewhere in between. A call to have such violence that is gentle! A cry and a shout in the form of a plea. The identity of a man, yet being the bride. A position that desires to give - so much... yet is constantly receiving. A promise of acceptance and belonging, yet Home is somewhere in the distant future.
In this world you have tribulation - but be of good cheer, for I have overcome the world.
What is it that You have overcome? Your overcoming has granted vision of the strength of hope - If hope is already this strong, how much greater shall the realization be?
Little stones strike my feet along the way,
Until the largest boulder take me Home.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Crap
I feel that everything is just so slow. Time passes too slowly. People think too slowly. People talk to slowly.
I realize the world isn't like Engineering.
A good telecommunication system transfer as much data as possible within the shortest span of time without errors.
But human relationships aren't like that.
You talk, you spend time. You can tell the truth yet it takes more than facts for another person to believe. Even if the person believes, it takes time to sink in. Somehow, communication between two people isn't just... passing information.
An engineering system basically needs one thing. Improvement. EVERYTHING is measured in terms of performance. But I realize that very few things in human life is measured by performance. Happiness isn't always the best thing, neither is sadness the worst thing.
Loneliness mean NOTHING in engineering. But it is better for a person to die than to be lonely.
I'm stressed. I have a hard time to piece everything together. I feel like a machine. I feel so much a machine that it is hard to communicate - transmit information to another person... in a normal way.
Save me.
I feel conflict everywhere I go. The only time I am conflict free is when I deal with abstract things like ideas and concepts. I dislike machines. I dislike people. I do not like teamwork.
Yet I know, without people - what is the world? What is life?
I have been climbing a ladder. Some people climb the corporate ladder and strive to get high paying jobs and strike it rich.
I have been climbing a ladder - I have been thinking of things in a way that is inconsistent with many things. I see the same things - but I don't see anything. I perceive, but I'm blind. Thoughts enter my mind, but emotions... I have them - yet I feel half a human.
I am somehow on the wrong ladder.
Shit.
Joel screwed up but doesn't know the alternative.
I realize the world isn't like Engineering.
A good telecommunication system transfer as much data as possible within the shortest span of time without errors.
But human relationships aren't like that.
You talk, you spend time. You can tell the truth yet it takes more than facts for another person to believe. Even if the person believes, it takes time to sink in. Somehow, communication between two people isn't just... passing information.
An engineering system basically needs one thing. Improvement. EVERYTHING is measured in terms of performance. But I realize that very few things in human life is measured by performance. Happiness isn't always the best thing, neither is sadness the worst thing.
Loneliness mean NOTHING in engineering. But it is better for a person to die than to be lonely.
I'm stressed. I have a hard time to piece everything together. I feel like a machine. I feel so much a machine that it is hard to communicate - transmit information to another person... in a normal way.
Save me.
I feel conflict everywhere I go. The only time I am conflict free is when I deal with abstract things like ideas and concepts. I dislike machines. I dislike people. I do not like teamwork.
Yet I know, without people - what is the world? What is life?
I have been climbing a ladder. Some people climb the corporate ladder and strive to get high paying jobs and strike it rich.
I have been climbing a ladder - I have been thinking of things in a way that is inconsistent with many things. I see the same things - but I don't see anything. I perceive, but I'm blind. Thoughts enter my mind, but emotions... I have them - yet I feel half a human.
I am somehow on the wrong ladder.
Shit.
Joel screwed up but doesn't know the alternative.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Rubbish Talk
One thing about being in FOCUS Bible Study Group - I have come to realize that the "extra knowledge" that I have fades in comparison with reading the Bible properly. Knowing a little bit more about psychology, philosophy, and history certainly did help me understand certain concepts better in the world...
But I couldn't help but notice how sometimes this knowledge distorts what is obvious and simple before my eyes. Just like my frist exam paper - the question was exactly like the past year paper... the difference was the guy changing the values from 5mm to 6mm. I overanalyzed (with some pretty flawed logic) and with some wierd understanding... I wrote in the paper that there was a problem with the question, and started deriving basic formulas to get the answer...
Which, was obviously wrong.
As the discussions in Bible Study continued, I was glad that I kept my mouth shut at certain times - or else I will start looking like some glorified smart alec.
What I am being exposed to is that the Bible is sufficient for an average person to learn about God. We just have to read it for what it is.
As I learn more, it irritates me more and more how I hear of people over-spiritualizing the Bible for what it is not, preaching revelations that God never heard, majoring on the minors and minoring on the major (issues).
I had a talk with a lecturer recently, and I have come to understand the term "liberal" and "conservative" more.
Of course their views do not fully represent the whole group's thinking...
but a liberal might think of the Bible as a "guide book" instead of a "rule book". More of a story rather than history. A moral lesson and not a historical fact. i.e. they are more "liberal" with their theology. Liberals would call conservatives "fundamentalists".
of course, fundamentalists/conservatives would argue that they are just simply following the Bible. They say that liberals don't take God's Word as God's Word.
I have never really thought of this dimension of conflict before.
The ones that I have encountered before are:
Mainstream Christianity vs Christian Sects (Jehovah Witnesses, Mormons, Christian Science)
Protestant Christianity vs Roman Catholicism
Intelligent Design vs Evolution
Arminianism vs Calvinism
Christianity vs Other Religions
Christianity vs Atheism
Book-by-book Biblical Preaching vs Topical Biblical Preaching
now, I can add to the list:
Liberal vs conservative
I looked up to my liberal lecturer. He lectures in Math and also New Testament Greek. This was one of the things I wanted to achieve.
One who masters the science and the arts.
Leonardo da Vincci. but he was a polymath, a genius. I probably won't get there, but if I could get near... He was the model of the "Renaissance man". Ever curious, ever learning, GENIUS!
but today I learnt one thing from Joshua. He said this:
"Really, knowing a lot of things does not mean that you know the Bible well. It is that attitude that we have when we come to read God's Word, isn't it? to be humble ..."
I used to have the logic, if I become a "glorified man" in the eyes of people, that is - to have good reputation, superior knowledge, perhaps what I say might have more impact. For example: Albert Einstein is so often quoted as saying "God doesn't play dice". Intelligent Deseign proponents so often use this line to say that Albert Einstein does not believe in Evolution.
I have to agree - people are normally convinced by very few things.
1) What a lot of people say
2) What some famous person say ( or so they think of as authoritative figures )
But I have known a few things about myself - to know that sometimes I crap about things I don't know. To keep up with the image. I mean, come on - I may know a little bit about people to guess motives and analyze people like I would analyze some cell - but who am I to start speaking authoritatively about many other things? Politics? I know nuts. Education? I know nuts.
I have read some politicians blog, seemingly exposing injustuce, they also blog about religion. As a person who is interested in religion ( and I think I know a fair bit about the issue ), I read his flawed explanations and lousy arguments that only wold convince ignorant people. Like I used to think sleeping together ( that is... just sleeping ) somehow creates babies.
Arguments that fool innocent ignorant people. But since they are famous, they are perceived to be authoritative - and the culture around us is teaching us to be stupid.
WATCH MORE DRAMAS!
THINK LESS!
JUST BE ENTERTAINED!
GO WITH THE FLOW!
A few things I have to know. Though I am somewhat proud of studying engineering (to which when asked why I study engineering, I tell them it trains my thinking), yet I need to know that being good in logical thinking (as much as it is helpful), this knowledge does not commend me before God.
This is where intellectuals might disagree. When they try to rationalize that God accepts just about anyone into heaven ( playing down the issue of sin ), they say that God looks at the heart ( though it is full of wickedness ). But when they are respected by men (though not by God) because of their advance knowledge, they are not willing that God looks at their heart only. They want God to look at whatever they look at. They want to make God see things their way.
And this is dangerous to me, because I have the tendency to do so even more, since I am a more dominant type of person. I will get my way. Even as an ordinary person not being Christian, thinking logically, we ought to know that one person who is good in Chemistry might be a sucker in History.
This is a message to myself that I ought not to be proud, because the Bible writes so clearly -
"Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up"
This is a terrible issue in the church actually. Pastors who have read the Bible here and there a little bit, after reading a few famous authors - approaches the Bible with a notion that they know it already. Using the Bible to support their private arguments. And of course, they learnt it from another person who spoke that way. I trust that they are still sincere, yet many of us Christians know the phrase that "one can be sincerely wrong".
Sometimes we use that line to describe a person of another faith - "sincerely wrong". I agree with that, yet we also have issues within the church that we can be (and are) sincerely wrong about. The same way we say that a Christian guy is no more immune to sexual temptations than a non Christian guy.
The society is filled with rubbish talk. It has been high time for a thousand years that we ought to be more sober than we are and understand that the world is not a neutral place. It is a battle. While half of America thinks that they are fighting in Iraq - A war against terrorism. Another half which thinks that there shouldn't be a war, are fighting in the white house for ceasefire ( or peace in their opinion ).
Peace is one of those things that won't naturally come. Peace have to be fought for. We might want peace, but we live with chaotic people in a chaotic world. It is high time that we grow up.
There has been much superstition, mythologies, and crazy notions in the world. Please don't let such things permeate the church. May the Word of God be preached for what it is.
For the sake of being truthful to God - preach the Word of God faithfully.
For the sake of teaching people sound logic - preach the Word of God faithfully.
For the sake of being effective in proclamation - preach the Word of God faithfully.
For the sake of understanding world issues - preach the Word of God faithfully.
For the sake of the satisfaction within our souls - preach the Word of God faithfully.
But I couldn't help but notice how sometimes this knowledge distorts what is obvious and simple before my eyes. Just like my frist exam paper - the question was exactly like the past year paper... the difference was the guy changing the values from 5mm to 6mm. I overanalyzed (with some pretty flawed logic) and with some wierd understanding... I wrote in the paper that there was a problem with the question, and started deriving basic formulas to get the answer...
Which, was obviously wrong.
As the discussions in Bible Study continued, I was glad that I kept my mouth shut at certain times - or else I will start looking like some glorified smart alec.
What I am being exposed to is that the Bible is sufficient for an average person to learn about God. We just have to read it for what it is.
As I learn more, it irritates me more and more how I hear of people over-spiritualizing the Bible for what it is not, preaching revelations that God never heard, majoring on the minors and minoring on the major (issues).
I had a talk with a lecturer recently, and I have come to understand the term "liberal" and "conservative" more.
Of course their views do not fully represent the whole group's thinking...
but a liberal might think of the Bible as a "guide book" instead of a "rule book". More of a story rather than history. A moral lesson and not a historical fact. i.e. they are more "liberal" with their theology. Liberals would call conservatives "fundamentalists".
of course, fundamentalists/conservatives would argue that they are just simply following the Bible. They say that liberals don't take God's Word as God's Word.
I have never really thought of this dimension of conflict before.
The ones that I have encountered before are:
Mainstream Christianity vs Christian Sects (Jehovah Witnesses, Mormons, Christian Science)
Protestant Christianity vs Roman Catholicism
Intelligent Design vs Evolution
Arminianism vs Calvinism
Christianity vs Other Religions
Christianity vs Atheism
Book-by-book Biblical Preaching vs Topical Biblical Preaching
now, I can add to the list:
Liberal vs conservative
I looked up to my liberal lecturer. He lectures in Math and also New Testament Greek. This was one of the things I wanted to achieve.
One who masters the science and the arts.
Leonardo da Vincci. but he was a polymath, a genius. I probably won't get there, but if I could get near... He was the model of the "Renaissance man". Ever curious, ever learning, GENIUS!
but today I learnt one thing from Joshua. He said this:
"Really, knowing a lot of things does not mean that you know the Bible well. It is that attitude that we have when we come to read God's Word, isn't it? to be humble ..."
I used to have the logic, if I become a "glorified man" in the eyes of people, that is - to have good reputation, superior knowledge, perhaps what I say might have more impact. For example: Albert Einstein is so often quoted as saying "God doesn't play dice". Intelligent Deseign proponents so often use this line to say that Albert Einstein does not believe in Evolution.
I have to agree - people are normally convinced by very few things.
1) What a lot of people say
2) What some famous person say ( or so they think of as authoritative figures )
But I have known a few things about myself - to know that sometimes I crap about things I don't know. To keep up with the image. I mean, come on - I may know a little bit about people to guess motives and analyze people like I would analyze some cell - but who am I to start speaking authoritatively about many other things? Politics? I know nuts. Education? I know nuts.
I have read some politicians blog, seemingly exposing injustuce, they also blog about religion. As a person who is interested in religion ( and I think I know a fair bit about the issue ), I read his flawed explanations and lousy arguments that only wold convince ignorant people. Like I used to think sleeping together ( that is... just sleeping ) somehow creates babies.
Arguments that fool innocent ignorant people. But since they are famous, they are perceived to be authoritative - and the culture around us is teaching us to be stupid.
WATCH MORE DRAMAS!
THINK LESS!
JUST BE ENTERTAINED!
GO WITH THE FLOW!
A few things I have to know. Though I am somewhat proud of studying engineering (to which when asked why I study engineering, I tell them it trains my thinking), yet I need to know that being good in logical thinking (as much as it is helpful), this knowledge does not commend me before God.
This is where intellectuals might disagree. When they try to rationalize that God accepts just about anyone into heaven ( playing down the issue of sin ), they say that God looks at the heart ( though it is full of wickedness ). But when they are respected by men (though not by God) because of their advance knowledge, they are not willing that God looks at their heart only. They want God to look at whatever they look at. They want to make God see things their way.
And this is dangerous to me, because I have the tendency to do so even more, since I am a more dominant type of person. I will get my way. Even as an ordinary person not being Christian, thinking logically, we ought to know that one person who is good in Chemistry might be a sucker in History.
This is a message to myself that I ought not to be proud, because the Bible writes so clearly -
"Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up"
This is a terrible issue in the church actually. Pastors who have read the Bible here and there a little bit, after reading a few famous authors - approaches the Bible with a notion that they know it already. Using the Bible to support their private arguments. And of course, they learnt it from another person who spoke that way. I trust that they are still sincere, yet many of us Christians know the phrase that "one can be sincerely wrong".
Sometimes we use that line to describe a person of another faith - "sincerely wrong". I agree with that, yet we also have issues within the church that we can be (and are) sincerely wrong about. The same way we say that a Christian guy is no more immune to sexual temptations than a non Christian guy.
The society is filled with rubbish talk. It has been high time for a thousand years that we ought to be more sober than we are and understand that the world is not a neutral place. It is a battle. While half of America thinks that they are fighting in Iraq - A war against terrorism. Another half which thinks that there shouldn't be a war, are fighting in the white house for ceasefire ( or peace in their opinion ).
Peace is one of those things that won't naturally come. Peace have to be fought for. We might want peace, but we live with chaotic people in a chaotic world. It is high time that we grow up.
There has been much superstition, mythologies, and crazy notions in the world. Please don't let such things permeate the church. May the Word of God be preached for what it is.
For the sake of being truthful to God - preach the Word of God faithfully.
For the sake of teaching people sound logic - preach the Word of God faithfully.
For the sake of being effective in proclamation - preach the Word of God faithfully.
For the sake of understanding world issues - preach the Word of God faithfully.
For the sake of the satisfaction within our souls - preach the Word of God faithfully.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
It is difficult
One thing that is difficult in my life is to have double allegiance.
I hold to certain principles, but sometimes the principles doesn't seem to lead me to what I want. Many people say that there ain't that many clear cut things in life, but how can that be possibly true?
Of course, in the process in pleasing someone - some other person might be pleased. But can we choose to please two different people if they want essentially two different things?
And with issues like principles, there is no compromise to somehow fulfill both. Compromising on a principle isn't near half of keeping it. It is like keeping half a promise when it costs us more to keep the full promise.
We either choose to sacrifice to keep the promise - or break the promise and offer some sort of compensation. But this does not change the fact that the promise is broken. In that sense, only one can be chosen -
Who is the example of a real man that I can follow?
I remember Paul told Timothy to "imitate me, as I imitate Christ". Timothy somehow knew Christ too, but Timothy needed a man to imitate.
Who is willing to step up and say the same thing? Ain't there a man - who is man enough to say such words - follow me.
I'm not sure if only a girl needs to hear those words from the man of her life - but a boy also needs a man whom he can follow, so one day he can say the same thing to another girl. Why isn't there a man for such a time as this? Why have the boys ( who are supposed to be men ) still so playful? Why so childish?
The whole materialism that reflects insecurity - that is then promoted through all sorts of means is tearing down the human institution. Greed and lust is a disgrace. Buy a man with a woman, and buy a woman down the street with spare change. How lowly has this become...
When men aren't real men, how can a woman be a real woman - and we resort to all sorts of trickery, emotional manipulation - sometimes unknowingly, but sometimes knowing full well with a greedy heart.
But there isn't a better choice is there? We all have to settle for second best. So much so that should there arise a man one fine day that we should look up to... We would find it hard to believe since we are so used to the classical acts. It is so hard to think well of anybody, it is so difficult to choose.
It is all the more difficult, because I am one of them. Sheer determination is not futile - so we can probably achieve being a man somehow. But effectively speaking, everything is futile, because it is difficult to look into the future and see the fruits of this labour.
And where there is no vision, the people die.
I hold to certain principles, but sometimes the principles doesn't seem to lead me to what I want. Many people say that there ain't that many clear cut things in life, but how can that be possibly true?
Of course, in the process in pleasing someone - some other person might be pleased. But can we choose to please two different people if they want essentially two different things?
And with issues like principles, there is no compromise to somehow fulfill both. Compromising on a principle isn't near half of keeping it. It is like keeping half a promise when it costs us more to keep the full promise.
We either choose to sacrifice to keep the promise - or break the promise and offer some sort of compensation. But this does not change the fact that the promise is broken. In that sense, only one can be chosen -
Who is the example of a real man that I can follow?
I remember Paul told Timothy to "imitate me, as I imitate Christ". Timothy somehow knew Christ too, but Timothy needed a man to imitate.
Who is willing to step up and say the same thing? Ain't there a man - who is man enough to say such words - follow me.
I'm not sure if only a girl needs to hear those words from the man of her life - but a boy also needs a man whom he can follow, so one day he can say the same thing to another girl. Why isn't there a man for such a time as this? Why have the boys ( who are supposed to be men ) still so playful? Why so childish?
The whole materialism that reflects insecurity - that is then promoted through all sorts of means is tearing down the human institution. Greed and lust is a disgrace. Buy a man with a woman, and buy a woman down the street with spare change. How lowly has this become...
When men aren't real men, how can a woman be a real woman - and we resort to all sorts of trickery, emotional manipulation - sometimes unknowingly, but sometimes knowing full well with a greedy heart.
But there isn't a better choice is there? We all have to settle for second best. So much so that should there arise a man one fine day that we should look up to... We would find it hard to believe since we are so used to the classical acts. It is so hard to think well of anybody, it is so difficult to choose.
It is all the more difficult, because I am one of them. Sheer determination is not futile - so we can probably achieve being a man somehow. But effectively speaking, everything is futile, because it is difficult to look into the future and see the fruits of this labour.
And where there is no vision, the people die.
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