Work has been taking too much of my time, bust since I'm on MC, i've got a little to spare.
In life, consciously and subconsciouly lots of people seek a balance in life:
The right proportion for work or studies,
The just right amount of time you spend with friends
The right amout to distribute to your hobbies
The right amount for this and that
Hopefully, after spending their time, finances, and affections in some near-right proportion, they will stumble upon the recipe for success and happiness. While some do it consciously - especially those who lack time, most people do it subconsciously.
In search for the divine balance where the good life is hidden
Much more could be say about the good life - the good good eternal life that is full of joy, goodness, and a whole new taste for uprightness and be able to live in such a world...
Much more could be said about that, but what I want to point out here is just that:
"If you are a normal human being like me, you probably won't get the divine balance"
Most of the time, people don't expect to reach the best brew for life. They just hope to "aim for the moon, and even if you miss, you will land among the stars" sort of thing. While that might sound like a good way to think about life - at least experience tell you otherwise.
There have been too many so-called "successful" people in the corporate world who try to juggle severything. The classic example is super-mom. High up in the corporate world and trying to care for her 2 children and at the same time having tea parties to attend to.
The thing is this: super-mom model Angelina Jolie herself is not juggling it well. She has more fame, more kids, and more many things. Now, some of you might think, if I had half of her kids, half of her money, and half of her causes to fight for, then I should be able to juggle it well.
This might need more convincing, but that while limited resources is an issue, diverse affections is probably the main reason this can't be done. People want to be passionate about things, and the more important you get in the eyes of the world (and of yourself), the more significant you want your role to be in the life and activity of many things. However, as an average human being ( and for argument's sake lets assume you are as good as Angelina), you still can't balance everything out.
What I am trying to get here is that the thinking of "divine balance" is not the best way to proceed in life. There are too many unknowns. What you know is that you are searching for this thing called "happiness", and you would understand happiness to be a combination of different things in particular proportions in life.
A much better way to organise life is to think in terms of priorities.
If you have been around the web long enough reading forwarded emails, then you probably heard of the professor who took a big glass jar into class. He then filled it up with big stones, then smaller ones, then pebbles, and then finally sand. He then explained that our life is like the empty jar, we can't fill everything in, but let us make sure the big things in life are in first, then the lesser ones. It is alright if not all the sand that you have (menial things) gets in to the jug, you have tried your best, and at least the big things are in already.
I'm aware that actually many people think in terms of priorities instead of a chasing of the divine balance. the problem of chasing for the divine balance is the rich man's problem. It is always the rich man's problem.
When you start getting successful and rich, you start to think that you have a bigger jar in life. Since you have a bigger jar, you might just be able to fit almost everything in that jar - so you think that you are the group of people (consciously or subconsciously) who can play the game of life by a different set of rules. You think you have risen above the average and you pat yourself on the back for being so smart for so long - and suddenly on your deathbed (hopefully earlier than that) you realize that you have been an idiot for the past few decades.
There are other reasons that contribute to this stupidity too. If you do get there, you might one day think "I have put all my big stones in the jar first, and followed the whole big to small principle, but my life is still so miserable". Good - you have reached a dead end. Many people don't get there, instead, they just get trapped at either divine balance or mere priority principle.
The most obvious ones are to think that the big stones are work and significance in life.when that becomes the big stones, the things that ought not to be big stones have taken the place of them and your jar has now 50% less space which should take much less space.
Motivational seminars normally just tell you up to the point of: Write down the "big stones" in your life according to you.
Nobody really tells you what the big stones ought to be. And the way people live is an epitome to the fact that work and fame is the biggest stone in life. Now, you might disagree with my evaluation of society's biggest stones - but it does remain that these 2 plays a big big role.
1. What you could work out from here is to find out "what are the REAL biggest stones?"
2. Work out the method by which you will find that out - trial and error? most people spend a lifetime to work these things out, and most don't get there finally. Or at least, on their deathbed, they replace "work" with "family", then they die after 4 months of realizing that - which is still an unproven theory in their mind.
3. If you fancy this, then work out the various expressions people have in trying to go with the priority principle method to life, or divine balance, or a mix of both, or work out other alternatives in which people try to organise their lives. What is the underlying worldview or philosophy that is cuasing them to live like that. Is it hedonism, or is it something else?
enjoy a beautiful song with me
Showing posts with label Thinking. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Thinking. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Black, White, and Grey Issues
One of the not so smart things one can do - is to blog about an argument/discussion they had with another person - and rewrite the story in such a way to justify themselves and prove themselves to be the victor.
well, as I was arguing/discussing with some friends of friend just now, some things came to my mind.
How controversial do you allow yourself to speak? If you know it your heart what the truth is, but speak with some sort of mystery - or maybe not mystery - but leaving loopholes where people can misinterpret what you speak, is it still "the way to go"?
How clear do you have to be in what you say - so that people will learn something?
How far do you go in staying patient like a teacher , and gentle - and when do you start arguing like you are talking to some heretic (though he is not)?
To determine this, is it a matter of wisdom, or is it a matter of personality - or most probably a mixture of both - and how much of each to what extent?
Can I take Jesus as an example? He did say many enigmatic things and most times quite controversial. Reading through the gospels once isn't quite gonna be as fruitful as reading it through several times, going through the concordance, reading commentaries, etc.
Should one speak controversial things and think "Even Jesus speak controversial and sometimes unclear things. The righteous will interpret it to correct way, and the wicked will always twist the clearest word for evil purposes".
Can the source of confusion be amoral? Surely we know how any law or command can be blindly taken and obeyed as a form of legalism - or twisted into some form of licentiousness. But the confusion can definitely be amoral right? And to what extent?
Am I to keep thinking of everything going on a case by case basis? Isn't there a simple rule to follow? In trying to follow a simple rule - am I being lazy and choosing not to think, or am I simply not trusting in my judgements as to whether I will make the best decision?
How do I draw the line of "I have said what I need to say, it is up to you to take it whichever way you want" while keeping a clear conscience that I have tried my best? Perhaps trying my best was actually to stay on for another hour to persuade the person to see what I see, or see what I think they don't see.
All in all, truth is not relative. I need to figure out some way to convey these words plainly, without making it overscholarly such that simpler minds think I am being cunning, but yet I am being true to my word. I can perhaps understand how you can do that when you have an hour to yourself to explain everything, but in debates/discussions/arguments where there are lots of misinterpretations before everyone gets what everyone else is trying to get at - how do you exercise this?
By raising these many questions - am I already giving the reader and impression that this is a highly complex issue and there is probably no way out. I do not doubt that some will think "Gah, this is too much for my brain in the morning/afternoon/night" or " God will handel it" or "Don't know, don't care" - but I want to find it out. But I am also thinking of the possibility that maybe "don't know, don't care" may have been just the correct approach - because at the end of the day, there are so many unknowns and variables which is hard to determine.
I am trying to work towards something. But it doesn't look like I am getting there. Many questions might be a good way to start and investigation - but not a good way to make conclusions.
Should I just pray to God and say "Thank you God, teach me patience and teach me love" after thinking that whoever I was talking to didn't get the main point... or do I keep searching and look for the "killer argument" and start replaying scenes again, and thinking how I could have said certain things in certain ways such that they would be totally convinced?
This is how arguments normally ends "one/both party(ies) think that the other never did got the point no matter how much they said they got the point" - and in the name of diplomacy say things like "that was a great opinion you have" - which could be taken as:
1) Being courteous - the truth is I think that you are the stupidest person to have thought of such a stupid idea like that
2) Being courteous - I'm not smart enough to judge which is right, but whatever you said sounded plausible
3)Not being courteous - That was so totally WRONG
well, there is probably option 4), 5), 6) - I couldn't care less about them. You see, for all I know - somebody couldn't care less about whatever I just typed - to them, harmony, peace, friendship, nice feelings, enjoyment is all that counts - if they had to choose between truth and all these - they would go for "all these" - for truth to them is defined as "all these".
It is hard to convince another person of what truth is. A famous quote from Thomas Cranmer:
"What the heart loves, the will chooses, the mind justifies"
Modern science that goes on evidence and empirical reasoning would like to believe in the reverse:
"What the mind justifies, the will chooses, the heart loves" -
which sounds like something you get from Tony Robbins if you get what I mean.
How true is Thomas Cranmer's statement? Which was why I was just thinking, could the confusion be amoral? But a slightly clearer question is - regarding a moral issue:
Could confusion spring from amoral motivations? Or the wicked heart is always destined to justify error as truth? the righteous will then always make the right decision?
Doesn't this model look over simplistic such that it doesn't deal justly with the subject? They say "the heart of the matter is the matter of the heart" - how much exceptions should I make for others and myself when I try to justify certain moral actions. Surely I should not degrade to some " God will prove me right during judgement day " sort of stupidity/arrogance? But what if time is the only thing that will tell?
What happened to trusting God to do His very special work in the hearts of men? What about confidence in what Scripture declares? Interpretation? Now that I suddenly thought of it, I might as well promote FWC here.
FWC 2010 Gospel and Interpretation
Sometimes, you want to do more good than harm - and you think you stand your ground and do the right thing. In the end of 70 years before you die, you realise that there are bad consequences which make you think that your initially taking a certain stand should have been different. But as you muse on whether you will/will not regret in 70 years time - you imagine the possibilities that your stand would have proven itself right in 500 years -
"the man who stood for the right things - who for a short while produced horrible consequences, but bore fruit for the next whole millenium"
What I think I can do - is to see and count as far as I can go - and utilize well what I know and have been entrusted - as to 100 years later - God knows:
Let the future worry for itself. For I am a mere man.
ps. Just so you know - I don't believe in grey. It is either black or white. Determining something as grey due to our ignorance is an act of arrogance (in believing that we have such foresight and intelligence to make judgements on things we are unsure of)
well, as I was arguing/discussing with some friends of friend just now, some things came to my mind.
How controversial do you allow yourself to speak? If you know it your heart what the truth is, but speak with some sort of mystery - or maybe not mystery - but leaving loopholes where people can misinterpret what you speak, is it still "the way to go"?
How clear do you have to be in what you say - so that people will learn something?
How far do you go in staying patient like a teacher , and gentle - and when do you start arguing like you are talking to some heretic (though he is not)?
To determine this, is it a matter of wisdom, or is it a matter of personality - or most probably a mixture of both - and how much of each to what extent?
Can I take Jesus as an example? He did say many enigmatic things and most times quite controversial. Reading through the gospels once isn't quite gonna be as fruitful as reading it through several times, going through the concordance, reading commentaries, etc.
Should one speak controversial things and think "Even Jesus speak controversial and sometimes unclear things. The righteous will interpret it to correct way, and the wicked will always twist the clearest word for evil purposes".
Can the source of confusion be amoral? Surely we know how any law or command can be blindly taken and obeyed as a form of legalism - or twisted into some form of licentiousness. But the confusion can definitely be amoral right? And to what extent?
Am I to keep thinking of everything going on a case by case basis? Isn't there a simple rule to follow? In trying to follow a simple rule - am I being lazy and choosing not to think, or am I simply not trusting in my judgements as to whether I will make the best decision?
How do I draw the line of "I have said what I need to say, it is up to you to take it whichever way you want" while keeping a clear conscience that I have tried my best? Perhaps trying my best was actually to stay on for another hour to persuade the person to see what I see, or see what I think they don't see.
All in all, truth is not relative. I need to figure out some way to convey these words plainly, without making it overscholarly such that simpler minds think I am being cunning, but yet I am being true to my word. I can perhaps understand how you can do that when you have an hour to yourself to explain everything, but in debates/discussions/arguments where there are lots of misinterpretations before everyone gets what everyone else is trying to get at - how do you exercise this?
By raising these many questions - am I already giving the reader and impression that this is a highly complex issue and there is probably no way out. I do not doubt that some will think "Gah, this is too much for my brain in the morning/afternoon/night" or " God will handel it" or "Don't know, don't care" - but I want to find it out. But I am also thinking of the possibility that maybe "don't know, don't care" may have been just the correct approach - because at the end of the day, there are so many unknowns and variables which is hard to determine.
I am trying to work towards something. But it doesn't look like I am getting there. Many questions might be a good way to start and investigation - but not a good way to make conclusions.
Should I just pray to God and say "Thank you God, teach me patience and teach me love" after thinking that whoever I was talking to didn't get the main point... or do I keep searching and look for the "killer argument" and start replaying scenes again, and thinking how I could have said certain things in certain ways such that they would be totally convinced?
This is how arguments normally ends "one/both party(ies) think that the other never did got the point no matter how much they said they got the point" - and in the name of diplomacy say things like "that was a great opinion you have" - which could be taken as:
1) Being courteous - the truth is I think that you are the stupidest person to have thought of such a stupid idea like that
2) Being courteous - I'm not smart enough to judge which is right, but whatever you said sounded plausible
3)Not being courteous - That was so totally WRONG
well, there is probably option 4), 5), 6) - I couldn't care less about them. You see, for all I know - somebody couldn't care less about whatever I just typed - to them, harmony, peace, friendship, nice feelings, enjoyment is all that counts - if they had to choose between truth and all these - they would go for "all these" - for truth to them is defined as "all these".
It is hard to convince another person of what truth is. A famous quote from Thomas Cranmer:
"What the heart loves, the will chooses, the mind justifies"
Modern science that goes on evidence and empirical reasoning would like to believe in the reverse:
"What the mind justifies, the will chooses, the heart loves" -
which sounds like something you get from Tony Robbins if you get what I mean.
How true is Thomas Cranmer's statement? Which was why I was just thinking, could the confusion be amoral? But a slightly clearer question is - regarding a moral issue:
Could confusion spring from amoral motivations? Or the wicked heart is always destined to justify error as truth? the righteous will then always make the right decision?
Doesn't this model look over simplistic such that it doesn't deal justly with the subject? They say "the heart of the matter is the matter of the heart" - how much exceptions should I make for others and myself when I try to justify certain moral actions. Surely I should not degrade to some " God will prove me right during judgement day " sort of stupidity/arrogance? But what if time is the only thing that will tell?
What happened to trusting God to do His very special work in the hearts of men? What about confidence in what Scripture declares? Interpretation? Now that I suddenly thought of it, I might as well promote FWC here.
FWC 2010 Gospel and Interpretation
Sometimes, you want to do more good than harm - and you think you stand your ground and do the right thing. In the end of 70 years before you die, you realise that there are bad consequences which make you think that your initially taking a certain stand should have been different. But as you muse on whether you will/will not regret in 70 years time - you imagine the possibilities that your stand would have proven itself right in 500 years -
"the man who stood for the right things - who for a short while produced horrible consequences, but bore fruit for the next whole millenium"
What I think I can do - is to see and count as far as I can go - and utilize well what I know and have been entrusted - as to 100 years later - God knows:
Let the future worry for itself. For I am a mere man.
ps. Just so you know - I don't believe in grey. It is either black or white. Determining something as grey due to our ignorance is an act of arrogance (in believing that we have such foresight and intelligence to make judgements on things we are unsure of)
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Dad, Calvary Church, Skepticism, Toiletries and a Break
Coming back to Malaysia, one of my main priorities is my dad. He should be retiring by now, but he loves his work and he loves to go around - so he is still working. He has yet to believe in Jesus, and I am concerned about him.
Spending time with my dad is good. It helps me see why I am who I am today.
Why do I speak the way I do?
Why do I question things the way I do?
What things to I get offended by?
I never realised how similar I am to my dad, though quite different. He bases his trust on himself mostly, he is more self-made. I trust in Jesus, though in a worldly point of view, I "technically" worked to where I am today. But the style we approach issues are so similar.
Last night, we had dinner outside - and suddenly, I found out that my dad quit smoking. As far as I know, he has been smoking for more than 40 years. An asthma attack during work (in some dusty construction place) made him sick of the place. It was bad enough that he stayed home for 2 weeks without going for work. And SUDDENLY, keyword SUDDENLY, he said he doesn't want to smoke. Naturally, I think this is a result of the asthma. But when I ask him, it isn't really about the asthma. It was not something that he actually decided by willpower. It was just
"I woke up one day, and smoking isn't the thing for me - it suddenly causes uneasiness in my throat"
I like the sound of these things. He still drinks though. But whatever, I like my dad drinking. I think he talks more when he drinks and it helps me bond with him. Coming home this time, I bought my parents a pair of iPod shuffle. Sitting down and just help my parents get more used to technology is pretty fun. It warms my heart to know that they are willing to learn. Definitely, I do not want to be in a position of "teaching my parents" in the arrogant sense.
During dinner last night, our family was suddenly talking about masseurs, reflexology, and how everybody seems to be in the business. So many practitioners who probably have no proper training seem to just print that "foot chart" off google images and start opening their own practice.
My dad was saying things along:
"I trust the technology. I don't doubt that these things can work and are probably scientific.... But IT'S THE BUGGER I DON'T TRUST"
He went on talking about how some of the people who seem to take pictures with important "datuk's" to back their claim of almost miraculous healing powers are all a joke - cos they were actuallly just demonstrating some techniques to them, and wasn't curing anything particular anyway.
Then he quoted the day's newspaper about Calvary Church. Apparently, the Senior Pastor is accused of "mismanagement of funds". The STAR article can be found here. He said this because he was talking about how American Reverends seem to come to Malaysia, to stadium negara, and pray for people and they get miraculously healed. I remember Josh saying, if they can really do that:
"Go to the hospital"
Well, Josh was a doctor.
Anyways, the whole chat over the dinner continued to be filled with more and more skepticism. And since Calvary Church was on the newspaper that day because of these issues - there was lots of "I'm not quite sure about these super respected pastors anymore". It is understandable, Calvary Church is probably the BIGGEST Megachurch in Malaysia and highly influential.
My mind was thinking of how to answer my dad during dinner. No, I had no intention of defending Calvary Church, or Prince Guneratnam. I was just thinking how to give them another strike. I was thinking how can I discredit the prosperity gospel more? How can I affirm that my dad's skepticism is valid?
At this point, it is important that I clarify a few things. One of the things that I learnt from my dad is "how to argue". Don't make mistakes, because once you do, my dad will remind you how you have made the mistake not only this time he caught you, but also last week/month/year. If he has reminded you of the issue more than a few times, then he would have "told you SO MANY TIMES", such that "are you stupid or what?"
That may sound like unfair argument tactics. Most of us would think it as "forgetfulness". But I know it is laziness. My dad is a very gracious person, but he isn't gracious when he is scolding you. He doesn't correct a mistake per se, he tells you things about your character. Sometimes it is true, sometimes it is exaggerated, but nonetheless, I learnt from him how to phrase arguments in a way that make people feel guilty.
This is the thing I learnt from him. Feel guilty or not, doesn't matter - It is better that you feel guilty, then you will do something about it. In our polite society, we tend to be courteous in a bad way such that if there was something to be corrected - we do it so politely that it is almost our fault to mention that somebody has a fault. He is a polite and friendly man to his friends, but if you are wrong, YOU ARE WRONG.
I love my dad. If there is one thing I learn from him, it is integrity. I'm not saying that he doesn't bribe policemen. Thats a different thing. But he doesn't pretend to be nice, he hates hypocrisy not the way the general public do. He has a dislikes it in a vocal way.
He was just talking about policemen stopping him for traffic offence. He knows what they want. They know what he wants. We all want less trouble, and he doesn't mind paying RM50 so that he doesn't need to pay RM300. The problem is the policeman starts lecturing my dad.
"Ini susah tahu, you lepas lampu merah, sangat bahaya tahu... hari itu, ada satu kes sama, kes serious......"
In my dad's heart: "Eh... Shaaddup la, tell me how much you want"
Because, truly enough, after a few moments, the question is : "So, sekarang macam mana?"
Pay RM50, then the policeman pretends to write something and sends you off.
The thing is this, my dad doesn't mind the question "So macam mana nak settle?" He just hates the drama that goes before it. Firstly, it wastes his time. Secondly, please stop bullshitting me and get to the point. Being pretentious is just "yuck". Being raised up by my father, my brother and I hates pretense with a passion.
Skepticism is also one thing I learnt from my father. Because of the "don't tell me cock and bull stories please" attitude,I have learnt to question things naturally. Mix it all up together
1.hating pretense,
2.skepticism,
3. and making sure you get it if I catch you making a mistake)
Its such a beautiful combination. In my dad's mind, it is often "This people are so stupid and gullible, they haven't fallen for another "conman-who-promises-you-a-million-dollars-if-you-only-give-him-100,000" trick". The whole "everybody is so stupid" thing, yes, I caught it from my dad. Now, my dad isn't claiming to be extra smart, but he does have a point how people can be so stupid.
Reading the Bible, it has given me a framework WHY people can behave in such illogical ways. Of course, I do stupid stuff at many times. I get scolded by my dad often enough to know it. And hey, I think I turned out quite good. I sort of consider myself as a product of "good upbringing".
Now at this point of time, i know you the reader might think of issues like self-righteousness, and how arrogant I am to say things the way I do. Well, it is hard to convince you I am not trying to say things that way. Another thing I caught from my dad is "don't explain yourself". It is like the guy who - the more he defends himself, the more you suspect that he is in the wrong. My dad's integrity is good enough for you to trust that his intentions are good. If you doubt it, he doesn't need to explain it - it is your fault.
Now, my dad is not Christian, but there are many aspects of God that I learn from my dad. I learn things like how "His Word is good enough". If I give you my word, that is as good as done. I learn from my dad the value of a good name. I learn from my dad to hate pretense. I deduce that being honest, and sometimes blunt with a person is the way to respect another person. I learnt from my dad to "get to the point".
As I was chatting with my dad last night. I also realised that he starts repeating himself more. Is it a sign of aging? i.e. he forgets what he says. Maybe, I hope not. My dad has a good mind and I wish that he stays alert for a much longer period.
From what I caught from him, I think he wants to make himself very clear. And he has an assumption of people "not getting the point" or "not understanding what he is saying". Perhaps it is also that he wants to make his stand VERY CLEAR. Ambiguity is not his thing. The reason I guess this is because... I do that. I repeat things. I repeat because I think most people don't get what I am trying to say. I don't want you to ever tell me "I didn't know" after I told you something a million times.
Of all these things I have learnt from my dad, I only hope that he will apply his skepticism to look at the Bible. To know that the truth of God is so good that it is bulletproof. To see God's integrity. Sometimes, I hate all these politeness is because that there has been too many pretentious who has given politeness a bad name. Being polite has such a negative connotation to it, it no longer works in helping people see the truth. My dad is so skeptical of Christianity. I understand that yes, it is human to reject God. But I think that people are making rejecting God easier. But well, I do look forward to the day when my dad becomes Christian.
One of the things I learnt in all these is that I caught more from my dad than what I learn (if you get what I mean). I just never thought the influence would be so significant. This is how you know i'm his son. I'm just thinking of how this works out in the case where God is my Father. Ideas about "rubbing it (attitudes, convictions,etc) off God". But yeah, if anybody out there wonders where I get my passion and character from, it is the providence of God to put make me the son of my father. From God, I get the sanctified version of it. I think I'm starting to understand more what Jesus was saying when he was telling the Pharisees "Your father is the devil". I think, in some way, my father helped me love Jesus. That Jesus Guy is just so ... STRONG. "Your father is the devil". That sort of bold God-talk, boils my blood and send chills down my spine.
Anyway, on toiletries. I bought so much of them yesterday. I want to have a "good first impression". I was just looking through the "body sprays" section. I saw deodarant + perfume. Then I remembered Mitchell telling me what "for men" means. I think it is something about some special scent to attract the opposite sex - like we are some animals and we can use scents to psychologically trick them to believe that we are more manly than we really are.
As I thought about it, I couldn't help giggling. Its just so funny, cos I'm thinking "heheheh, I'm gonna buy one! I'm gonna buy one!" I bought breath sprays, shoe deodorizer, listerine,shampoo, body shampoo, facial cleanser, shaver.
As I was browsing, I saw "lubricant". I looked around, then I saw condoms. I was giggling again - no, its not because I'm getting it. Its just the kind of primary school joke - like how we laughed at "sifat sifat manusia". If you don't get the joke, ask a Malaysian cantonese friend. So I'm thinking...
Lubricants! ahhahahah....
Condom!.... ahahhaha!
Just shoot.. hahahaha.... watermelon flavour.... really???
Somehow, I don't know why, I forgot to buy the body spray. I will surely get it someday. Never used these stuff before.
Ah! I have a short break ahead of me, I better use my time wisely - and not degrade to a loaf of bread who plays computer games day and night.
Spending time with my dad is good. It helps me see why I am who I am today.
Why do I speak the way I do?
Why do I question things the way I do?
What things to I get offended by?
I never realised how similar I am to my dad, though quite different. He bases his trust on himself mostly, he is more self-made. I trust in Jesus, though in a worldly point of view, I "technically" worked to where I am today. But the style we approach issues are so similar.
Last night, we had dinner outside - and suddenly, I found out that my dad quit smoking. As far as I know, he has been smoking for more than 40 years. An asthma attack during work (in some dusty construction place) made him sick of the place. It was bad enough that he stayed home for 2 weeks without going for work. And SUDDENLY, keyword SUDDENLY, he said he doesn't want to smoke. Naturally, I think this is a result of the asthma. But when I ask him, it isn't really about the asthma. It was not something that he actually decided by willpower. It was just
"I woke up one day, and smoking isn't the thing for me - it suddenly causes uneasiness in my throat"
I like the sound of these things. He still drinks though. But whatever, I like my dad drinking. I think he talks more when he drinks and it helps me bond with him. Coming home this time, I bought my parents a pair of iPod shuffle. Sitting down and just help my parents get more used to technology is pretty fun. It warms my heart to know that they are willing to learn. Definitely, I do not want to be in a position of "teaching my parents" in the arrogant sense.
During dinner last night, our family was suddenly talking about masseurs, reflexology, and how everybody seems to be in the business. So many practitioners who probably have no proper training seem to just print that "foot chart" off google images and start opening their own practice.
My dad was saying things along:
"I trust the technology. I don't doubt that these things can work and are probably scientific.... But IT'S THE BUGGER I DON'T TRUST"
He went on talking about how some of the people who seem to take pictures with important "datuk's" to back their claim of almost miraculous healing powers are all a joke - cos they were actuallly just demonstrating some techniques to them, and wasn't curing anything particular anyway.
Then he quoted the day's newspaper about Calvary Church. Apparently, the Senior Pastor is accused of "mismanagement of funds". The STAR article can be found here. He said this because he was talking about how American Reverends seem to come to Malaysia, to stadium negara, and pray for people and they get miraculously healed. I remember Josh saying, if they can really do that:
"Go to the hospital"
Well, Josh was a doctor.
Anyways, the whole chat over the dinner continued to be filled with more and more skepticism. And since Calvary Church was on the newspaper that day because of these issues - there was lots of "I'm not quite sure about these super respected pastors anymore". It is understandable, Calvary Church is probably the BIGGEST Megachurch in Malaysia and highly influential.
My mind was thinking of how to answer my dad during dinner. No, I had no intention of defending Calvary Church, or Prince Guneratnam. I was just thinking how to give them another strike. I was thinking how can I discredit the prosperity gospel more? How can I affirm that my dad's skepticism is valid?
At this point, it is important that I clarify a few things. One of the things that I learnt from my dad is "how to argue". Don't make mistakes, because once you do, my dad will remind you how you have made the mistake not only this time he caught you, but also last week/month/year. If he has reminded you of the issue more than a few times, then he would have "told you SO MANY TIMES", such that "are you stupid or what?"
That may sound like unfair argument tactics. Most of us would think it as "forgetfulness". But I know it is laziness. My dad is a very gracious person, but he isn't gracious when he is scolding you. He doesn't correct a mistake per se, he tells you things about your character. Sometimes it is true, sometimes it is exaggerated, but nonetheless, I learnt from him how to phrase arguments in a way that make people feel guilty.
This is the thing I learnt from him. Feel guilty or not, doesn't matter - It is better that you feel guilty, then you will do something about it. In our polite society, we tend to be courteous in a bad way such that if there was something to be corrected - we do it so politely that it is almost our fault to mention that somebody has a fault. He is a polite and friendly man to his friends, but if you are wrong, YOU ARE WRONG.
I love my dad. If there is one thing I learn from him, it is integrity. I'm not saying that he doesn't bribe policemen. Thats a different thing. But he doesn't pretend to be nice, he hates hypocrisy not the way the general public do. He has a dislikes it in a vocal way.
He was just talking about policemen stopping him for traffic offence. He knows what they want. They know what he wants. We all want less trouble, and he doesn't mind paying RM50 so that he doesn't need to pay RM300. The problem is the policeman starts lecturing my dad.
"Ini susah tahu, you lepas lampu merah, sangat bahaya tahu... hari itu, ada satu kes sama, kes serious...
In my dad's heart: "Eh... Shaaddup la, tell me how much you want"
Because, truly enough, after a few moments, the question is : "So, sekarang macam mana?"
Pay RM50, then the policeman pretends to write something and sends you off.
The thing is this, my dad doesn't mind the question "So macam mana nak settle?" He just hates the drama that goes before it. Firstly, it wastes his time. Secondly, please stop bullshitting me and get to the point. Being pretentious is just "yuck". Being raised up by my father, my brother and I hates pretense with a passion.
Skepticism is also one thing I learnt from my father. Because of the "don't tell me cock and bull stories please" attitude,I have learnt to question things naturally. Mix it all up together
1.hating pretense,
2.skepticism,
3. and making sure you get it if I catch you making a mistake)
Its such a beautiful combination. In my dad's mind, it is often "This people are so stupid and gullible, they haven't fallen for another "conman-who-promises-you-a-million-dollars-if-you-only-give-him-100,000" trick". The whole "everybody is so stupid" thing, yes, I caught it from my dad. Now, my dad isn't claiming to be extra smart, but he does have a point how people can be so stupid.
Reading the Bible, it has given me a framework WHY people can behave in such illogical ways. Of course, I do stupid stuff at many times. I get scolded by my dad often enough to know it. And hey, I think I turned out quite good. I sort of consider myself as a product of "good upbringing".
Now at this point of time, i know you the reader might think of issues like self-righteousness, and how arrogant I am to say things the way I do. Well, it is hard to convince you I am not trying to say things that way. Another thing I caught from my dad is "don't explain yourself". It is like the guy who - the more he defends himself, the more you suspect that he is in the wrong. My dad's integrity is good enough for you to trust that his intentions are good. If you doubt it, he doesn't need to explain it - it is your fault.
Now, my dad is not Christian, but there are many aspects of God that I learn from my dad. I learn things like how "His Word is good enough". If I give you my word, that is as good as done. I learn from my dad the value of a good name. I learn from my dad to hate pretense. I deduce that being honest, and sometimes blunt with a person is the way to respect another person. I learnt from my dad to "get to the point".
As I was chatting with my dad last night. I also realised that he starts repeating himself more. Is it a sign of aging? i.e. he forgets what he says. Maybe, I hope not. My dad has a good mind and I wish that he stays alert for a much longer period.
From what I caught from him, I think he wants to make himself very clear. And he has an assumption of people "not getting the point" or "not understanding what he is saying". Perhaps it is also that he wants to make his stand VERY CLEAR. Ambiguity is not his thing. The reason I guess this is because... I do that. I repeat things. I repeat because I think most people don't get what I am trying to say. I don't want you to ever tell me "I didn't know" after I told you something a million times.
Of all these things I have learnt from my dad, I only hope that he will apply his skepticism to look at the Bible. To know that the truth of God is so good that it is bulletproof. To see God's integrity. Sometimes, I hate all these politeness is because that there has been too many pretentious who has given politeness a bad name. Being polite has such a negative connotation to it, it no longer works in helping people see the truth. My dad is so skeptical of Christianity. I understand that yes, it is human to reject God. But I think that people are making rejecting God easier. But well, I do look forward to the day when my dad becomes Christian.
One of the things I learnt in all these is that I caught more from my dad than what I learn (if you get what I mean). I just never thought the influence would be so significant. This is how you know i'm his son. I'm just thinking of how this works out in the case where God is my Father. Ideas about "rubbing it (attitudes, convictions,etc) off God". But yeah, if anybody out there wonders where I get my passion and character from, it is the providence of God to put make me the son of my father. From God, I get the sanctified version of it. I think I'm starting to understand more what Jesus was saying when he was telling the Pharisees "Your father is the devil". I think, in some way, my father helped me love Jesus. That Jesus Guy is just so ... STRONG. "Your father is the devil". That sort of bold God-talk, boils my blood and send chills down my spine.
Anyway, on toiletries. I bought so much of them yesterday. I want to have a "good first impression". I was just looking through the "body sprays" section. I saw deodarant + perfume. Then I remembered Mitchell telling me what "for men" means. I think it is something about some special scent to attract the opposite sex - like we are some animals and we can use scents to psychologically trick them to believe that we are more manly than we really are.
As I thought about it, I couldn't help giggling. Its just so funny, cos I'm thinking "heheheh, I'm gonna buy one! I'm gonna buy one!" I bought breath sprays, shoe deodorizer, listerine,shampoo, body shampoo, facial cleanser, shaver.
As I was browsing, I saw "lubricant". I looked around, then I saw condoms. I was giggling again - no, its not because I'm getting it. Its just the kind of primary school joke - like how we laughed at "sifat sifat manusia". If you don't get the joke, ask a Malaysian cantonese friend. So I'm thinking...
Lubricants! ahhahahah....
Condom!.... ahahhaha!
Just shoot.. hahahaha.... watermelon flavour.... really???
Somehow, I don't know why, I forgot to buy the body spray. I will surely get it someday. Never used these stuff before.
Ah! I have a short break ahead of me, I better use my time wisely - and not degrade to a loaf of bread who plays computer games day and night.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
500 days of summer, catfeeding, Buddhism, Ethics, Glory, Sarcasm
I just watched 500 days of summer
And I am not surprised that I understood what was happening all along, and why certain words were said. And I remember that it is a good thing that our parents don't always give us what we want. If they did, and when we learn some sense as we grow up, we would have despised those actions.
And most of all, our Heavenly Father that knows better than us who gives us what is good for us even when we are all a little like Summer. May God help us "wake up one morning" and "be sure" of the thing that... the world didn't and couldn't give us.
I also have been hearing "good reports" from fellow catfeeders
I am in charge of 2 relatively friendly cats on campus. I get to pat Poppy, but Coco is too shy for me to touch her. I used to be unable to understand why people actually like cats - dogs are a million times friendlier. Cats are like hot girls. They don't give you a rip. Cute dogs are like hot girls that actually care about you. Those high-class cats' affection are hard to earn, and they are pretty loyal. Some catfeeders finally got the chance to pat the cats they feed after about a year of feeding. It was joy for them. So i guess, somethings are not about possessing, but rather earning it.
Reminds me, Jesus is God, divine and worshipped all along - afterall, He is the Creator and has a right to everything. But I like to know the fact that Jesus earned His name. " And He humbled Himself, to the point of death on a cross, therefore God gave Him the name that is above all names, that at His name every knee shall bow"
Attended the Bodhi Night
I left early, but got the chance to hear the sermon by the nun on impermanence. The non-buddhist phrase for that is "the only constant in the world is change". Mainly about how change is inevitable in the universe, we ought not to hold a grudge against a universal law, much like we shouldn't be hating gravity, it is stupid and absurd. Rather, since we know that incidents happen due to a collection of causes and circumstances, we ought to recreate those circumstances and conditions and reap the harvest of success of it. Don't fret that things don't turn out our way, it is just that the causes and conditions have changed - do some reverse engineering, and recreate your future. Don't get too attached to the present, it will change! continuously work for the future and havest the fruit of the past. That is the gist of what I got, might not be everything, but I have been given better promises than this.
This whole cycle that I live through - to sin, repent, receive forgiveness from God, and repeat - looks like it will never change. Like a universal law "to err is human". Birth, life, death and decay is a constant cycle in life. But Buddhists, studying the world as a closed system, do not know that this constant cycle will very soon be changed. In fact, the change has begun, it will build up momentumn and thunder through eternity. Jesus will come just as He has come once, He will put an end to what we have been living with thousands of years. The history of human sinfulness, the effects of it will be changed, and it has already started. The data that Buddha worked with, how he saw the sufferings of this world, the cycle which this world goes through - a sight which set him on the path to Enlightenment... yes, those data will very soon be irrelevant. In fact, He never saw through the temporal world, not because he was stupid, but because he never knew that the world was NEVER a closed system. The Creator has His eye on it, and has entered it to save all humanity, and change history forever. Too bad the Enlightened One never lived to see that day.
Did studies on Ethics
Been taking this subject called Ethics and Leadership in uni. It is not surprising that the whole course is about exercising your brain cells to understand morality - but somehow it goes just about there. After all, it is written in the course outline (paraphrased) "This course is not suppsed to make you more ethical, it is about how to think ethically". This is somethings I hate about modern philosophy and all the spiritual guru stuff - it is like the lazy employee - always seem to be working hard, but nothing much ever comes out of it besides some mish mash that leave people where they started off.
But the goals are pretty realistic. If a subject in uni could have cured the human problem of wickedness, I'd be a lecturer. It was at first crazy to think that some human problem required God to die, thousand year old prophecy to be fulfilled, and expectancy of a Saviour coming in the future. But looking at the lame attempts by humans, it isn't that crazy afterall. This whole talk about humans needing God to change our wicked heart(not improve it, but change), about how it would take "God to live in us" to possibly reverse the madness and depth of our error, this whole talk about we being insufficient to be self-saviours but needing external help... yeah, those things that Christians talk about sounds like a better solution than a "Yes we can". Well, that fella is trying hard to be a good president, I applaud him for that, but somethings are just out of his control. It must be a hard lesson to learn that America isn't capable of miracles.
Leart about achievement and glory
I remember singing "history maker" kind of Christian songs when I was in high school. Its about how we are so inspired by great people in the past who did great work in Chrstianity, how we could be like them if we worked hard enough, trusted God enough, and whatever -enoughed. It was about "achieving great things for God", glory was something we earned to give God. You know? Do well in your studies "by God's strength", and then when people ask, somehow credit it to God and say that He was the main force behind it. I kinda got that idea during my formative years as a young Christian.
But then when I read that glorifying God essentially means growing to be Christlike, I was thinking "Surely I can't be hearing bullshit all along about glorifying God being being a superstar Christian?" Well, I didn't hear just nonsense, but just that I was misguided by sincere people with good intentions. And sometimes, I think good intentions did more harm in history than plain wickedness. I don't know. Maybe someday we will have a Facebook quiz for that. Facebook has quizzes for everything, from "when I will die" to "who I will marry" to how many "%" lucky I am today. I thought people who accessed the internet were smarter than that, but apparently internet is so accessible anybody could use it.
I remember reading verses like "God will look on that successful man who glorifies Him most by being the famous preacher/musician who everybody adores", or was it "Here is who I will look at - one who has a broken and contrite spirit, one that trembles at My Word". I don't know, probably the first one, they seem to say that a lot in many popular churches, sounds like something everybody loves to hear, like good reports from the government about how the whole country is in fact very united with only very few unwanted dissenters. But well, I'm learning that faithfulness in small things trumps those big achievements. Surely God is worth my limelight glorious moments, but He is worth more than that, He is worth every single breath of my inglorious moments - for in my weakness God's sufficiency is made all the more obvious.
Sarcasm
I have friends who are so innocent in some ways that they don't realize when I am being sacarstic. I admire that. And to some extent, I wished I were a little more like them, instead of having ideas and images that shout violence, hatred and lust shouting through my mind. Ignorance is bliss, sometimes. I love those people, they have a privilege that few people have. Some of us understand jealousy perfectly well, because we are people who get jealous often. They are the ones who don't get jealous much, because they don't see what is there to be jealous about. Jealousy is a foreign concept. Sounds good not to know too much bad stuff eh?
But back to sarcasm, some people just don't use their brain enough to know the difference.
That is how I used to think a lot. Until God revealed to me the laziness and the wicked thoughts that I am capable of having. It puts things in perspective, it isn;t always about how much you know... but in God's eyes, how much you do about what you know. Often, we don;t do much about what we know, we don't do what we ought to, no matter how virtuous and loving it may be. Which brings us back to the same level - all common sinners who desperately need forgiveness, or else we would do justice to send each other to hell.
And I am not surprised that I understood what was happening all along, and why certain words were said. And I remember that it is a good thing that our parents don't always give us what we want. If they did, and when we learn some sense as we grow up, we would have despised those actions.
And most of all, our Heavenly Father that knows better than us who gives us what is good for us even when we are all a little like Summer. May God help us "wake up one morning" and "be sure" of the thing that... the world didn't and couldn't give us.
I also have been hearing "good reports" from fellow catfeeders
I am in charge of 2 relatively friendly cats on campus. I get to pat Poppy, but Coco is too shy for me to touch her. I used to be unable to understand why people actually like cats - dogs are a million times friendlier. Cats are like hot girls. They don't give you a rip. Cute dogs are like hot girls that actually care about you. Those high-class cats' affection are hard to earn, and they are pretty loyal. Some catfeeders finally got the chance to pat the cats they feed after about a year of feeding. It was joy for them. So i guess, somethings are not about possessing, but rather earning it.
Reminds me, Jesus is God, divine and worshipped all along - afterall, He is the Creator and has a right to everything. But I like to know the fact that Jesus earned His name. " And He humbled Himself, to the point of death on a cross, therefore God gave Him the name that is above all names, that at His name every knee shall bow"
Attended the Bodhi Night
I left early, but got the chance to hear the sermon by the nun on impermanence. The non-buddhist phrase for that is "the only constant in the world is change". Mainly about how change is inevitable in the universe, we ought not to hold a grudge against a universal law, much like we shouldn't be hating gravity, it is stupid and absurd. Rather, since we know that incidents happen due to a collection of causes and circumstances, we ought to recreate those circumstances and conditions and reap the harvest of success of it. Don't fret that things don't turn out our way, it is just that the causes and conditions have changed - do some reverse engineering, and recreate your future. Don't get too attached to the present, it will change! continuously work for the future and havest the fruit of the past. That is the gist of what I got, might not be everything, but I have been given better promises than this.
This whole cycle that I live through - to sin, repent, receive forgiveness from God, and repeat - looks like it will never change. Like a universal law "to err is human". Birth, life, death and decay is a constant cycle in life. But Buddhists, studying the world as a closed system, do not know that this constant cycle will very soon be changed. In fact, the change has begun, it will build up momentumn and thunder through eternity. Jesus will come just as He has come once, He will put an end to what we have been living with thousands of years. The history of human sinfulness, the effects of it will be changed, and it has already started. The data that Buddha worked with, how he saw the sufferings of this world, the cycle which this world goes through - a sight which set him on the path to Enlightenment... yes, those data will very soon be irrelevant. In fact, He never saw through the temporal world, not because he was stupid, but because he never knew that the world was NEVER a closed system. The Creator has His eye on it, and has entered it to save all humanity, and change history forever. Too bad the Enlightened One never lived to see that day.
Did studies on Ethics
Been taking this subject called Ethics and Leadership in uni. It is not surprising that the whole course is about exercising your brain cells to understand morality - but somehow it goes just about there. After all, it is written in the course outline (paraphrased) "This course is not suppsed to make you more ethical, it is about how to think ethically". This is somethings I hate about modern philosophy and all the spiritual guru stuff - it is like the lazy employee - always seem to be working hard, but nothing much ever comes out of it besides some mish mash that leave people where they started off.
But the goals are pretty realistic. If a subject in uni could have cured the human problem of wickedness, I'd be a lecturer. It was at first crazy to think that some human problem required God to die, thousand year old prophecy to be fulfilled, and expectancy of a Saviour coming in the future. But looking at the lame attempts by humans, it isn't that crazy afterall. This whole talk about humans needing God to change our wicked heart(not improve it, but change), about how it would take "God to live in us" to possibly reverse the madness and depth of our error, this whole talk about we being insufficient to be self-saviours but needing external help... yeah, those things that Christians talk about sounds like a better solution than a "Yes we can". Well, that fella is trying hard to be a good president, I applaud him for that, but somethings are just out of his control. It must be a hard lesson to learn that America isn't capable of miracles.
Leart about achievement and glory
I remember singing "history maker" kind of Christian songs when I was in high school. Its about how we are so inspired by great people in the past who did great work in Chrstianity, how we could be like them if we worked hard enough, trusted God enough, and whatever -enoughed. It was about "achieving great things for God", glory was something we earned to give God. You know? Do well in your studies "by God's strength", and then when people ask, somehow credit it to God and say that He was the main force behind it. I kinda got that idea during my formative years as a young Christian.
But then when I read that glorifying God essentially means growing to be Christlike, I was thinking "Surely I can't be hearing bullshit all along about glorifying God being being a superstar Christian?" Well, I didn't hear just nonsense, but just that I was misguided by sincere people with good intentions. And sometimes, I think good intentions did more harm in history than plain wickedness. I don't know. Maybe someday we will have a Facebook quiz for that. Facebook has quizzes for everything, from "when I will die" to "who I will marry" to how many "%" lucky I am today. I thought people who accessed the internet were smarter than that, but apparently internet is so accessible anybody could use it.
I remember reading verses like "God will look on that successful man who glorifies Him most by being the famous preacher/musician who everybody adores", or was it "Here is who I will look at - one who has a broken and contrite spirit, one that trembles at My Word". I don't know, probably the first one, they seem to say that a lot in many popular churches, sounds like something everybody loves to hear, like good reports from the government about how the whole country is in fact very united with only very few unwanted dissenters. But well, I'm learning that faithfulness in small things trumps those big achievements. Surely God is worth my limelight glorious moments, but He is worth more than that, He is worth every single breath of my inglorious moments - for in my weakness God's sufficiency is made all the more obvious.
Sarcasm
I have friends who are so innocent in some ways that they don't realize when I am being sacarstic. I admire that. And to some extent, I wished I were a little more like them, instead of having ideas and images that shout violence, hatred and lust shouting through my mind. Ignorance is bliss, sometimes. I love those people, they have a privilege that few people have. Some of us understand jealousy perfectly well, because we are people who get jealous often. They are the ones who don't get jealous much, because they don't see what is there to be jealous about. Jealousy is a foreign concept. Sounds good not to know too much bad stuff eh?
But back to sarcasm, some people just don't use their brain enough to know the difference.
That is how I used to think a lot. Until God revealed to me the laziness and the wicked thoughts that I am capable of having. It puts things in perspective, it isn;t always about how much you know... but in God's eyes, how much you do about what you know. Often, we don;t do much about what we know, we don't do what we ought to, no matter how virtuous and loving it may be. Which brings us back to the same level - all common sinners who desperately need forgiveness, or else we would do justice to send each other to hell.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Preference
Hey you! This is one of those "Joel articles" where he tries to impress imaginary people with his claims about " I understand everything about everything there
is to know - let me tell you my GREAT opinion". Well, nah... he is just reacting impulsively to a lot of IMHO kind of patronizing talk. IMHO stands for "in my humble opinion". It is just that many times when people use the word IMHO, they normally finish the sentence/paragraph with pretty proud statements and conclusions.
Joel isn't going to say that whatever written below is some IMHO kind of thing - since he knows with some degree of certainty that they are true. But of course, being a fallible human who makes mistakes and becomes stupid at many instances in life, there are mistakes. But I know some of you people out there think of
yourselves very highly and say things like "since there are mistakes, let us discredit whatever he says and treat it as just ANOTHER opinion". Please, grow up. I know you relativistic people. You think you are a genius, but you are not qualified to teach as a teacher, to argue as a philosopher, to think rationally like an
engineer - but HEY! you are a genius! Please, forget about reading the rest of it and marvel at yourself, you ALWAYS have a good time doing that.
Oh! I remember a joke! Not quite a joke if you are THE joke:
There is girl who was chatting with her girlfriends and couldn't stop talking about herself. And so her friends listened and listened to her bragging about herself over lunch for more than an hour. And suddenly, she realized she has spent too much time talking and not listening. so she said:
"Oh, I'm so sorry. I spent so much time talking about myself. So, it should be you turn to talk...So, what do you think of me?"
EEESH......
Now, probably some of the things below will sound self-righteous, and at different points someone might actually ask "What makes you think that is RIGHT?". What I can say is that these things are what I work out (at least I think so) from the Bible - have pondered over it logically, do not claim to have fully achieved it (far from it actually) - nonetheless, it is something I prefer and actively strive towards. Here goes.
Joel would want himself to be a passionate person. By passionate, I mean REALLY PASSIONATE. Somebody who knows what he is doing in life, has a strong drive to do it well. If he doesn't, he should work hard at finding it out. But of course, since Joel is a Christian, he doesn't want himself to be passionate about just everything in life. Joel wants to be passionate about very few things in life.
*pause*
actually, Joel is trying to cover up what he really wants to say. The fact is that Joel has a lot of expectations of other people and really wants to write an entry about "what I would prefer to see in other people". But that sounds SO SO SO...er... So not quite right since there are always people who complain about the
whole world except themselves. So now he covers up by saying what he expects of himself. You sly! But then again, if I write an entry about what I expect of myself, what kind of egoistic guy would keep bragging about their expectations of themselves?
Hmmm....
What kind of guys actually spend so much time thinking about themselves....
Hmmm....
Why.....
EVERY OTHER GUY!
That egoistic race!
Of course. Right, good, Joel is normal in covering up. People would just think that he is like every other guy.
*resume*
Continuing from where I left of - Think of loving your wife. You want to love your wife passionately, not EVERY WOMAN. Likewise, Joel doesn't want to be passionate about everything, He wants to be passionate about the Jesus kind of things. Being passionate about Jesus isn't just concentrating on one tiny area in life. Since following Jesus has implications on every sphere in life - godliness has everything to do with life, just life a life passion more or less determines your
life direction - since that, Joel has to be very careful about his life and what he gives his heart to. Having said that, Joel would be really angry with himself if he is lazy. He thinks that laziness is a manifestation of a lack of passion and drive. While he remembers that sometimes he just conveniently forgets about his aim in life, he also remembers that the kind of "conveniently forgetting important things" are not really forgetting, but simply being wicked for a prolonged period of time until he becomes indifferent to what is holy and good.
And yes, he has a strong dislike for the same yuck-ness he sees in others. He has resorted to the word "yuck-ness" because some think it too "OUCH" if he uses the word wickedness on others, but Joel thinks that using the word "weakness" is just playing the victim. It is like saying "oh, i have the 'less passion gene' flowing in my veins" kind of nonsense.
Joel knows Kenneth who puts in a lot of effort to try to be both considerate and passionate. Now, anybody who have tried that would know that instead of saying "considerate and passionate", "considerate BUT passionate" would sound more normal. It is a hard thing, not to balance them out, but to demonstrate them in a timely manner - that is a hard, VERY difficult. Joel aspires to be more like Kenneth.
Yes, Joel hates nonsense. He loves jokes, he loves to laugh. But there is this whole "other category" of not-so-funny-jokes where people play the victim, give lame excuses, and patronize one another with illogical nonsense. They are really not funny. I suppose most of us know it when we hear some really really out of place excuses like "traffic jam"(when they just live 10 minutes away), or "your opinion is really interesting"(when obviously you really want to say: that was the dumbest thing I have ever heard).
But Joel enjoys having fun, teasing himself, and sometimes inappropriately teasing others. He needs to work on that - the teasing others part. He has a friend called Andy who is working hard to come up with clean jokes, and finding more ways to make others laugh by teasing himself (and not others). Joel respects Andy for that kind of love he has for others(and many other things). One day when Joel grows up, he will be funny in a godly way. Ooo.... that sounded so wierd that it just sent a chill down my bones.
Funny and godly.
*double chill and goes to the toilet*
Ahem..Joel wants to be like a kid. He wants to be really happy when he is happy, he wants to be really sad when he is sad. Besides that, Joel wants to be VERY angry when he is angry. He doesn't want to be some human-zombie trying to fit into our sometimes not-so-healthy-culture where laughters, tears, or anger is restrained. Joel has a STRONG dislike for people like that but he has to learn how to love them and be mindful for them.
But essentially, Joel has no desire
whatsoever to have less emotions. He thinks he is "quite there", but needs some polishing and balancing on the "caring for the other person" and being "considerate" - you know? like being rightly angry but not venting them on others, like being rightly angry about appropriate things and actually solving the issue instead of shouting at everyone?
While Jesus is of course the ultimate role model in the things mentioned above, Joel particularly wants to mention more on Jesus on this one. One of the reason Joel loves Jesus is because Jesus cries, loves deeply, talks funny at times, and knows how to get mad. Joel loves how Jesus makes fun of self-righteous people, although Joel doesn't quite enjoy it to find himself being one of them at times - but Joel knows that self-righteous people aren't quite worth much except to be poked at. Joel loves Jesus crying and scolding, because that is a very human thing to do.
Most of the humans Joel know aren't quite humans. Of course, quite a handful of them are secretly being humans - and they stop being humans when they meet other people. Then when they go home, they cry quietly on their bed in the stillness of the night. Joel understands to some extent why that happens, wants to sympathize with them (and himself, plus think of himself as the victim of society), but do not desire to excuse himself or anybody for that matter for our own fears and failures.
At this point, Joel is sick of using politically correct words like fears and failures, and weakness. Please think of wickedness whenever you see those words.
Thank God Jesus isn't like some politically correct politician. Thank God Jesus is The Perfect Man that Joel can look up to. Oh God, Please destroy those pictures that portray Jesus as some semi-gay figure with fair skin and long straight hair and deep blue eyes...
But anyway, Joel went through that whole "I am secretly a human" phase back in high school. It was a lonely experience, quite scary and sad. If you are reading this and you are somebody like that, lets talk! I'd love to talk with you! I'll TRY to be gentle! = ) Can't promise anything, but I'll TRY... like for a few minutes. But if I were you, I'd prefer a good Christian girl. or a good Christian man. Yes, MAN. Christian boys.... hmmmm, maybe not.
And yes! Joel would love to marry a real human. and of course, whether that comes true or not, Joel wants to be a real human. A wonderful thing he learnt from married Christians is that "Don't just say I want this and that kind of spouse, be the this and that(godly and matured) kind of spouse, and if whoever you are looking for doesn't appear, you have at least got your part right with God".
A note to that, Joel needs to remember that this is a fallen world. While expectations of God are perfect (which is good), expectations of humans (myself included) often have to be somewhat scaled down. Joel has known people (himself included) that say big things, great expectations of himself, only to see himself failing at every point the next week. He has seen guys that say: I want to marry a girl who is A, and a character that is B, and C, and D... to see them going out with a girl that is the complete opposite of that.
No, it wasn't some special love at first sight. Its just that whatever was said earlier was partly nonsense, and partly fairytale. The opposite is the real thing, partly due to desperation and selfishness, and a whole lot of invalid reasons which astrologers come up with.
Hmm, after all have been said and NOT done, now there are just so many things to work on: like Joel's character. Hmm... working on that would probably take a life time. But if he keeps looking over his shoulder and compare himself with his peers, he probably have to take more than a life time. If he continually blogs about these kind of things, then it would probably have to take a little more than 2 life times.
Lets go to sleep and wake up tomorrow morning to study for the upcoming exams. And there is prayer meeting later with some guys! Sounds like something helpful to keep me focused on Jesus during crunch time! And oh! Joel went for Queen's Birthday Convention at St. Andrews Cathedral and got a photo and a signed book from Phillip Jensen! Good stuff, save it for conversations.
is to know - let me tell you my GREAT opinion". Well, nah... he is just reacting impulsively to a lot of IMHO kind of patronizing talk. IMHO stands for "in my humble opinion". It is just that many times when people use the word IMHO, they normally finish the sentence/paragraph with pretty proud statements and conclusions.
Joel isn't going to say that whatever written below is some IMHO kind of thing - since he knows with some degree of certainty that they are true. But of course, being a fallible human who makes mistakes and becomes stupid at many instances in life, there are mistakes. But I know some of you people out there think of
yourselves very highly and say things like "since there are mistakes, let us discredit whatever he says and treat it as just ANOTHER opinion". Please, grow up. I know you relativistic people. You think you are a genius, but you are not qualified to teach as a teacher, to argue as a philosopher, to think rationally like an
engineer - but HEY! you are a genius! Please, forget about reading the rest of it and marvel at yourself, you ALWAYS have a good time doing that.
Oh! I remember a joke! Not quite a joke if you are THE joke:
There is girl who was chatting with her girlfriends and couldn't stop talking about herself. And so her friends listened and listened to her bragging about herself over lunch for more than an hour. And suddenly, she realized she has spent too much time talking and not listening. so she said:
"Oh, I'm so sorry. I spent so much time talking about myself. So, it should be you turn to talk...So, what do you think of me?"
EEESH......
Now, probably some of the things below will sound self-righteous, and at different points someone might actually ask "What makes you think that is RIGHT?". What I can say is that these things are what I work out (at least I think so) from the Bible - have pondered over it logically, do not claim to have fully achieved it (far from it actually) - nonetheless, it is something I prefer and actively strive towards. Here goes.
Joel would want himself to be a passionate person. By passionate, I mean REALLY PASSIONATE. Somebody who knows what he is doing in life, has a strong drive to do it well. If he doesn't, he should work hard at finding it out. But of course, since Joel is a Christian, he doesn't want himself to be passionate about just everything in life. Joel wants to be passionate about very few things in life.
*pause*
actually, Joel is trying to cover up what he really wants to say. The fact is that Joel has a lot of expectations of other people and really wants to write an entry about "what I would prefer to see in other people". But that sounds SO SO SO...er... So not quite right since there are always people who complain about the
whole world except themselves. So now he covers up by saying what he expects of himself. You sly! But then again, if I write an entry about what I expect of myself, what kind of egoistic guy would keep bragging about their expectations of themselves?
Hmmm....
What kind of guys actually spend so much time thinking about themselves....
Hmmm....
Why.....
EVERY OTHER GUY!
That egoistic race!
Of course. Right, good, Joel is normal in covering up. People would just think that he is like every other guy.
*resume*
Continuing from where I left of - Think of loving your wife. You want to love your wife passionately, not EVERY WOMAN. Likewise, Joel doesn't want to be passionate about everything, He wants to be passionate about the Jesus kind of things. Being passionate about Jesus isn't just concentrating on one tiny area in life. Since following Jesus has implications on every sphere in life - godliness has everything to do with life, just life a life passion more or less determines your
life direction - since that, Joel has to be very careful about his life and what he gives his heart to. Having said that, Joel would be really angry with himself if he is lazy. He thinks that laziness is a manifestation of a lack of passion and drive. While he remembers that sometimes he just conveniently forgets about his aim in life, he also remembers that the kind of "conveniently forgetting important things" are not really forgetting, but simply being wicked for a prolonged period of time until he becomes indifferent to what is holy and good.
And yes, he has a strong dislike for the same yuck-ness he sees in others. He has resorted to the word "yuck-ness" because some think it too "OUCH" if he uses the word wickedness on others, but Joel thinks that using the word "weakness" is just playing the victim. It is like saying "oh, i have the 'less passion gene' flowing in my veins" kind of nonsense.
Joel knows Kenneth who puts in a lot of effort to try to be both considerate and passionate. Now, anybody who have tried that would know that instead of saying "considerate and passionate", "considerate BUT passionate" would sound more normal. It is a hard thing, not to balance them out, but to demonstrate them in a timely manner - that is a hard, VERY difficult. Joel aspires to be more like Kenneth.
Yes, Joel hates nonsense. He loves jokes, he loves to laugh. But there is this whole "other category" of not-so-funny-jokes where people play the victim, give lame excuses, and patronize one another with illogical nonsense. They are really not funny. I suppose most of us know it when we hear some really really out of place excuses like "traffic jam"(when they just live 10 minutes away), or "your opinion is really interesting"(when obviously you really want to say: that was the dumbest thing I have ever heard).
But Joel enjoys having fun, teasing himself, and sometimes inappropriately teasing others. He needs to work on that - the teasing others part. He has a friend called Andy who is working hard to come up with clean jokes, and finding more ways to make others laugh by teasing himself (and not others). Joel respects Andy for that kind of love he has for others(and many other things). One day when Joel grows up, he will be funny in a godly way. Ooo.... that sounded so wierd that it just sent a chill down my bones.
Funny and godly.
*double chill and goes to the toilet*
Ahem..Joel wants to be like a kid. He wants to be really happy when he is happy, he wants to be really sad when he is sad. Besides that, Joel wants to be VERY angry when he is angry. He doesn't want to be some human-zombie trying to fit into our sometimes not-so-healthy-culture where laughters, tears, or anger is restrained. Joel has a STRONG dislike for people like that but he has to learn how to love them and be mindful for them.
But essentially, Joel has no desire
whatsoever to have less emotions. He thinks he is "quite there", but needs some polishing and balancing on the "caring for the other person" and being "considerate" - you know? like being rightly angry but not venting them on others, like being rightly angry about appropriate things and actually solving the issue instead of shouting at everyone?
While Jesus is of course the ultimate role model in the things mentioned above, Joel particularly wants to mention more on Jesus on this one. One of the reason Joel loves Jesus is because Jesus cries, loves deeply, talks funny at times, and knows how to get mad. Joel loves how Jesus makes fun of self-righteous people, although Joel doesn't quite enjoy it to find himself being one of them at times - but Joel knows that self-righteous people aren't quite worth much except to be poked at. Joel loves Jesus crying and scolding, because that is a very human thing to do.
Most of the humans Joel know aren't quite humans. Of course, quite a handful of them are secretly being humans - and they stop being humans when they meet other people. Then when they go home, they cry quietly on their bed in the stillness of the night. Joel understands to some extent why that happens, wants to sympathize with them (and himself, plus think of himself as the victim of society), but do not desire to excuse himself or anybody for that matter for our own fears and failures.
At this point, Joel is sick of using politically correct words like fears and failures, and weakness. Please think of wickedness whenever you see those words.
Thank God Jesus isn't like some politically correct politician. Thank God Jesus is The Perfect Man that Joel can look up to. Oh God, Please destroy those pictures that portray Jesus as some semi-gay figure with fair skin and long straight hair and deep blue eyes...
But anyway, Joel went through that whole "I am secretly a human" phase back in high school. It was a lonely experience, quite scary and sad. If you are reading this and you are somebody like that, lets talk! I'd love to talk with you! I'll TRY to be gentle! = ) Can't promise anything, but I'll TRY... like for a few minutes. But if I were you, I'd prefer a good Christian girl. or a good Christian man. Yes, MAN. Christian boys.... hmmmm, maybe not.
And yes! Joel would love to marry a real human. and of course, whether that comes true or not, Joel wants to be a real human. A wonderful thing he learnt from married Christians is that "Don't just say I want this and that kind of spouse, be the this and that(godly and matured) kind of spouse, and if whoever you are looking for doesn't appear, you have at least got your part right with God".
A note to that, Joel needs to remember that this is a fallen world. While expectations of God are perfect (which is good), expectations of humans (myself included) often have to be somewhat scaled down. Joel has known people (himself included) that say big things, great expectations of himself, only to see himself failing at every point the next week. He has seen guys that say: I want to marry a girl who is A, and a character that is B, and C, and D... to see them going out with a girl that is the complete opposite of that.
No, it wasn't some special love at first sight. Its just that whatever was said earlier was partly nonsense, and partly fairytale. The opposite is the real thing, partly due to desperation and selfishness, and a whole lot of invalid reasons which astrologers come up with.
Hmm, after all have been said and NOT done, now there are just so many things to work on: like Joel's character. Hmm... working on that would probably take a life time. But if he keeps looking over his shoulder and compare himself with his peers, he probably have to take more than a life time. If he continually blogs about these kind of things, then it would probably have to take a little more than 2 life times.
Lets go to sleep and wake up tomorrow morning to study for the upcoming exams. And there is prayer meeting later with some guys! Sounds like something helpful to keep me focused on Jesus during crunch time! And oh! Joel went for Queen's Birthday Convention at St. Andrews Cathedral and got a photo and a signed book from Phillip Jensen! Good stuff, save it for conversations.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Something against premature peace
premature peace = there probably is a better technical term for it. But what I mean by 'premature peace' means that peace that is achieved before the real issue at hand is really resolved.
Examples of this is sometimes how people tolerate each other until apoint they cannot take it anymore. Two parties disagree with one another. They do not want to agree to disagree, but they do not want to feel like people who disagree. So they say something like "let us put aside our differences" and tolerate each other. Then, the critical point comes - BOOM.
This is a real danger for the pacifists of this age. We tend to prefer good reputation, and be well liked by everyone - and tolerate things we shouldn't tolerate.
I hate the whole 'premature peace' thing, and i have a general disdain for 'premature peacemakers'. I think that they are people who prefer a good image over a good deed - and this is one of the most hypocritical thing that people do. Appear noble, appear well mannered, appear everything that society approves - and in reality be a person who is full of theirselves.
'premature peace' is no peace - it is just delaying the inevitable. And normally, the inevitable is much worse than what the issue normally was. In the end, somebody has to clean up the crap that the earlier 'peacemaker' made - and being a REAL peacemaker in a messy situation often means that they have to do some dirty job that nobody wants to do. The REAL peacemaker receives no credit, while the earlier idiot basks in the praises of others.
(but then you might say, sooner or later, the public will realize the idiot. It is normally either "later" or "never". Trust me, the public is generally slow or stupid and they tend not to realize the obvious)
I love peace. It might not appear that way most of the time, but I do love real peace. I love it so much for myself and for others that I am unwilling to trade it for patronizing nonsense like "lets just concentrate on our similarities and forget our differences". I want to work hard on real peace, it might not work out. But I don't want to bury issues and create a timebomb for the next person.
Don't pass the buck. Take responsibility. Get real peace, not some poor imitation.
Examples of this is sometimes how people tolerate each other until apoint they cannot take it anymore. Two parties disagree with one another. They do not want to agree to disagree, but they do not want to feel like people who disagree. So they say something like "let us put aside our differences" and tolerate each other. Then, the critical point comes - BOOM.
This is a real danger for the pacifists of this age. We tend to prefer good reputation, and be well liked by everyone - and tolerate things we shouldn't tolerate.
I hate the whole 'premature peace' thing, and i have a general disdain for 'premature peacemakers'. I think that they are people who prefer a good image over a good deed - and this is one of the most hypocritical thing that people do. Appear noble, appear well mannered, appear everything that society approves - and in reality be a person who is full of theirselves.
'premature peace' is no peace - it is just delaying the inevitable. And normally, the inevitable is much worse than what the issue normally was. In the end, somebody has to clean up the crap that the earlier 'peacemaker' made - and being a REAL peacemaker in a messy situation often means that they have to do some dirty job that nobody wants to do. The REAL peacemaker receives no credit, while the earlier idiot basks in the praises of others.
(but then you might say, sooner or later, the public will realize the idiot. It is normally either "later" or "never". Trust me, the public is generally slow or stupid and they tend not to realize the obvious)
I love peace. It might not appear that way most of the time, but I do love real peace. I love it so much for myself and for others that I am unwilling to trade it for patronizing nonsense like "lets just concentrate on our similarities and forget our differences". I want to work hard on real peace, it might not work out. But I don't want to bury issues and create a timebomb for the next person.
Don't pass the buck. Take responsibility. Get real peace, not some poor imitation.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Sickness and Wandering Thoughts
I got sick. When I get sick, what goes through my mind is pretty interesting -
Everything around me smells differently (because I can't really smell when I'm sick)
Food taste differently since I can't really taste them.
The tempearature of the room feels different, it is either too warm or too cold.
My senses are slightly differnt as my whole body becomes a little more numb.
People treat me slightly differently because I am sick.
The world becomes a little more wobbly cos I feel dizzy.
Most of my time is spent sleeping, so the sense of time, of urgency is less.
I feel as though my mind is somewhat separated from my body.
I feel as though I am mind controlling my body - not quite the body that I am used to when I'm healthy, but because I am sick it really feels as though I am controlling someone else.
I feel as though I am somewhat less responsible for what I am doing because I am not me.
I start listening to emo songs that I would otherwise not listen to.
Walk slowly (since I cannot walk fast anyway) and notice my surroundings - how the pencil is on the table and how the cup is in the sink.
I say things in a more gentle way because I can't get as enthusiastic as I would like to be.
This whole "me" and "alter ego me" or whatever you would like to name it is not limited to the period when I get sick physically - but rather pretty much daily. When I face difficult situations in my life, I ask myself whether I should really treat it as "me" experiencing the tough things I am facing, or take them as something that is happening to the "body" I am experiencing. It is like, I am a steward of my body and of my life- I am the caretaker, the manager.
Some major religions and new age practices teach us to separate our body and our minds. They are 2 different entities, and we should deal with them as 2 different things. Whether it is partial separation or total separation - they might differ.
I attended a buddhist camp before, and they were teachng us how to do meditation. Something liek a 20 minute session I think. Of course, I am not like some big time guru, but the principle was to just focus our mind to be somewhat empty (but it isn't really empty because sometimes they teach you some chants, and I don't think it is possible to focus your mind on emptiness anyway - but well I don't know). Even if a mosquito is biting you, you are to focus on whatever you need to focus on, and shift your attention away from that tiny little thing. Focus on the mind, not on the body. Your leg might feel numb, but don't worry too much about it.
To me that is partial separation.
I haven't attend a Hindu camp before, but in Hinduism, this world is simply an "illusion" as they are merely temporal. I can't say more as to how the inner workings are, but some things I would like to note of perhaps (just perhaps) why this philosophy is appealing.
It is a mix of acceptance and denial of what is really happening. Pain does not become personal, rather pain happens to something you own - i.e. your body. Losses are much less personal. It is different from a more "personal" type of understanding.
For example:
With an impersonal philosophy, of you lose a pet dog, you tell yourself things like "I should be less attached to these things, pets are temporal, things come and go"
With a more personal type of philosophy, you would wonder if you would see your dog in heaven, and want to cherish the times you had together.
That is the impersonal philosophy, of course there is also the personal one. Loss is your loss. Pain is very real, such that you take it personally.
This personal philosophy is probably more natural to us. When we are cheated, we don't normally say that "The other person (who cheated) is not enlightened yet", we just simply feel betrayal. We feel hurt, we feel angry, and we feel sad - because the act commited against you was a personal act, and a relationship was severed.
People who takes things more personally generally feel more enthusiasm and sadness, while people who are less personal tend to feel less in every way.
People who takes things more personally are much more controlled and affected by the gains and losses of the present, while people who are less personal seem to set their minds of some ideal whether or not it is obtainable.
As you all would know me as a Christian, and perhaps you might be thinking I will be categorizing Christianity somewhere in the middle to make it looks very "balanced" to win it all by getting the best of both sides - I won't.
Firstly, I still struggle with this personal-impersonal thing, I wanted to brush it off as some mere personality issue. Much like how some people are task oriented and some people are more people-oriented. I don't think that the entire human understanding of the universe can be summed up in 2 simple categories.
Secondly, I don't think the Bible explains humans that way. While sometimes we are treated more like individuals, but because our bond with each other is somewhat so tightly knit and our fate has so much similarities, we are often addressed as a group. This is not some 50% personal 50% impersonal thing, but rather a 100% of both, which probably only makes sense philosophically and looks like nonsense mathematically.
Thirdly, I have read how some Christians who are in the "personality test" business try to fit Jesus into all the categories - and make him some uber-balanced man. In the DISC profiling, Jesus is All D, all I, all S, and all C. In the Carl Jung's test, Jesus is the "middle" perfect man - as though Jesus answered some personality test questions, and the scores show Him as some superman. God is Love, God is Holy, God is righteous. If Christians are to measure themselves, it should be along these lines. In the Bible, Paul is more argumentative, John is gentle, James is harsh, Luke goes into details, Peter is too blunt - Yet God's plan for them is not to make them into all robots, but rather making themselves who they fully are - just like Jesus.
I sometimes entertain ideas that all Christian should look like some finished product that is 23% gentle, 30% argumentative, 50% this and 12% that. This type of understanding which seems to prove as though we already know so much about humanity, categorizing them into nice compartments - I think it is a simplistic understanding of humanity at best.
But surely I must think a certain way to function - I can't just refuse to commit to belief and live. I don't quite think I will achieve some "divine balance" anytime soon, but I know I will be like Jesus one day, holy, righteous, and loving - and all these things will fade away, or perhaps they will fall into place.
There will be variety in heaven, and whatever that variety looks like, God will make sure it is a variety of perfection and goodness. Until then, my heart is not over troubled to search for answers as such, although me in the current illness of my mind has suddenly taken a greater interest in pointless blogging.
Everything around me smells differently (because I can't really smell when I'm sick)
Food taste differently since I can't really taste them.
The tempearature of the room feels different, it is either too warm or too cold.
My senses are slightly differnt as my whole body becomes a little more numb.
People treat me slightly differently because I am sick.
The world becomes a little more wobbly cos I feel dizzy.
Most of my time is spent sleeping, so the sense of time, of urgency is less.
I feel as though my mind is somewhat separated from my body.
I feel as though I am mind controlling my body - not quite the body that I am used to when I'm healthy, but because I am sick it really feels as though I am controlling someone else.
I feel as though I am somewhat less responsible for what I am doing because I am not me.
I start listening to emo songs that I would otherwise not listen to.
Walk slowly (since I cannot walk fast anyway) and notice my surroundings - how the pencil is on the table and how the cup is in the sink.
I say things in a more gentle way because I can't get as enthusiastic as I would like to be.
This whole "me" and "alter ego me" or whatever you would like to name it is not limited to the period when I get sick physically - but rather pretty much daily. When I face difficult situations in my life, I ask myself whether I should really treat it as "me" experiencing the tough things I am facing, or take them as something that is happening to the "body" I am experiencing. It is like, I am a steward of my body and of my life- I am the caretaker, the manager.
Some major religions and new age practices teach us to separate our body and our minds. They are 2 different entities, and we should deal with them as 2 different things. Whether it is partial separation or total separation - they might differ.
I attended a buddhist camp before, and they were teachng us how to do meditation. Something liek a 20 minute session I think. Of course, I am not like some big time guru, but the principle was to just focus our mind to be somewhat empty (but it isn't really empty because sometimes they teach you some chants, and I don't think it is possible to focus your mind on emptiness anyway - but well I don't know). Even if a mosquito is biting you, you are to focus on whatever you need to focus on, and shift your attention away from that tiny little thing. Focus on the mind, not on the body. Your leg might feel numb, but don't worry too much about it.
To me that is partial separation.
I haven't attend a Hindu camp before, but in Hinduism, this world is simply an "illusion" as they are merely temporal. I can't say more as to how the inner workings are, but some things I would like to note of perhaps (just perhaps) why this philosophy is appealing.
It is a mix of acceptance and denial of what is really happening. Pain does not become personal, rather pain happens to something you own - i.e. your body. Losses are much less personal. It is different from a more "personal" type of understanding.
For example:
With an impersonal philosophy, of you lose a pet dog, you tell yourself things like "I should be less attached to these things, pets are temporal, things come and go"
With a more personal type of philosophy, you would wonder if you would see your dog in heaven, and want to cherish the times you had together.
That is the impersonal philosophy, of course there is also the personal one. Loss is your loss. Pain is very real, such that you take it personally.
This personal philosophy is probably more natural to us. When we are cheated, we don't normally say that "The other person (who cheated) is not enlightened yet", we just simply feel betrayal. We feel hurt, we feel angry, and we feel sad - because the act commited against you was a personal act, and a relationship was severed.
People who takes things more personally generally feel more enthusiasm and sadness, while people who are less personal tend to feel less in every way.
People who takes things more personally are much more controlled and affected by the gains and losses of the present, while people who are less personal seem to set their minds of some ideal whether or not it is obtainable.
As you all would know me as a Christian, and perhaps you might be thinking I will be categorizing Christianity somewhere in the middle to make it looks very "balanced" to win it all by getting the best of both sides - I won't.
Firstly, I still struggle with this personal-impersonal thing, I wanted to brush it off as some mere personality issue. Much like how some people are task oriented and some people are more people-oriented. I don't think that the entire human understanding of the universe can be summed up in 2 simple categories.
Secondly, I don't think the Bible explains humans that way. While sometimes we are treated more like individuals, but because our bond with each other is somewhat so tightly knit and our fate has so much similarities, we are often addressed as a group. This is not some 50% personal 50% impersonal thing, but rather a 100% of both, which probably only makes sense philosophically and looks like nonsense mathematically.
Thirdly, I have read how some Christians who are in the "personality test" business try to fit Jesus into all the categories - and make him some uber-balanced man. In the DISC profiling, Jesus is All D, all I, all S, and all C. In the Carl Jung's test, Jesus is the "middle" perfect man - as though Jesus answered some personality test questions, and the scores show Him as some superman. God is Love, God is Holy, God is righteous. If Christians are to measure themselves, it should be along these lines. In the Bible, Paul is more argumentative, John is gentle, James is harsh, Luke goes into details, Peter is too blunt - Yet God's plan for them is not to make them into all robots, but rather making themselves who they fully are - just like Jesus.
I sometimes entertain ideas that all Christian should look like some finished product that is 23% gentle, 30% argumentative, 50% this and 12% that. This type of understanding which seems to prove as though we already know so much about humanity, categorizing them into nice compartments - I think it is a simplistic understanding of humanity at best.
But surely I must think a certain way to function - I can't just refuse to commit to belief and live. I don't quite think I will achieve some "divine balance" anytime soon, but I know I will be like Jesus one day, holy, righteous, and loving - and all these things will fade away, or perhaps they will fall into place.
There will be variety in heaven, and whatever that variety looks like, God will make sure it is a variety of perfection and goodness. Until then, my heart is not over troubled to search for answers as such, although me in the current illness of my mind has suddenly taken a greater interest in pointless blogging.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Struggling Thoughts
This post is not designed with some persuasive flow of argument in mind. It is just that i have been thinking about this issue for a long while, and I will lay down the basic inference. It is designed mainly to just vent out some anger in a non-complaining way, a jotting down of thoughts, personal in nature, and written with a heavy heart. Here goes:
A Christian should value things differently from the world, and have little interest in things that are worldly. The interest that he/she should have in worldly things is only for the sake of being culturally relevant such that the gospel can be preached. While some of us are brought up and are fed with likings for certain things - like football, cars, computer games, shopping (which means a whole list of things like shoes, clothes, etc) - a Christian should not nurture these desires.
Now I think this is a hard one to defend.
1. Because there are just so many people who like obsessively the things I just typed about.
2. Because the things are meant to be neutral in nature.
3. Because it seems that if you have little desire for these things you are going to be like some hermit who should really be living in a cave or some mountain peak where people climb miles up to see you for zen-like one liner wisdom
4. Because there will be a struggle to draw the line between legalism and genuine sincere desires
5. Because humans are generally sinful, we tend to take neutral things and use it self-centeredly
Laying down those ideas, add to the list if you like in the comments - but what I am not saying is that:
1. Things are bad and it is wicked to enjoy a good meal
2. We should detach ourselves from the world like many religious figures do
3. We should follow rules for the sake of feeling superior to others
4. We will become perfect by our own effort if we just "tried hard enough"
I will share with you why I am thinking about this in the first place:
Many Christians look exactly like non-Christians. Spend money like non-Christians, stay up late to watch football and miss church the next day, greatest goal in life is to get healthy-wealthy-rich and somehow donate enough money or do enough charity work such that they feel that they have contributed their part to society + silenced their conscience. Christians not knowing their Bible just like an average non-Christian, not sharing their faith since they don't know what it is anyway, etc.
I will tell why it matters:
Because this earth is not our home - we have heaven as our aim. We are meant to be responsible stewards of resources: time, energy, money, desires, things. When my priorities do not reflect heaven as my aim, then I am not being loving to others and will deny the gospel with my behaviour however vehemently I may proclaim it with my lips (which is also pretty hard to do when we know we are bad testimony).
2 results of that is:
1. God is not No.1 and honored in our lives as seen in our priorities.
2. We are giving a bad name to Jesus when we call ourselves Christians - tell others that God is Glorious when we spend everything to make ourselves glorious
If you can connect the points, yes I am saying that:
Our practice reveals our priorities, and our priorities reveal our beliefs. If we claim to believe 1 thing, and we practice another, we are just being hypocrites. The damage is not limited to ourselves - it says something about God, and it is told to many people who already have no fear of God in their lives.
Compared to another Christian, I tend to take it to the extreme. I do not think it is the extreme, but I think I can agree with them to disagree on this point. I really do think that the major portion of time that a Christian have should be used to extend the gospel.
Being contented with just getting a "ticket to heaven" is terribly misleading and misses the whole point of being a Christian. I just gotta do my part in following Jesus and encouraging other brothers in the journey, while drawing the rest of the crowd to the attention of their ugly fate - in hope that they may realize that we are all wicked sinners, who don't deserve heaven and have a judgment waiting for us.
A Christian should value things differently from the world, and have little interest in things that are worldly. The interest that he/she should have in worldly things is only for the sake of being culturally relevant such that the gospel can be preached. While some of us are brought up and are fed with likings for certain things - like football, cars, computer games, shopping (which means a whole list of things like shoes, clothes, etc) - a Christian should not nurture these desires.
Now I think this is a hard one to defend.
1. Because there are just so many people who like obsessively the things I just typed about.
2. Because the things are meant to be neutral in nature.
3. Because it seems that if you have little desire for these things you are going to be like some hermit who should really be living in a cave or some mountain peak where people climb miles up to see you for zen-like one liner wisdom
4. Because there will be a struggle to draw the line between legalism and genuine sincere desires
5. Because humans are generally sinful, we tend to take neutral things and use it self-centeredly
Laying down those ideas, add to the list if you like in the comments - but what I am not saying is that:
1. Things are bad and it is wicked to enjoy a good meal
2. We should detach ourselves from the world like many religious figures do
3. We should follow rules for the sake of feeling superior to others
4. We will become perfect by our own effort if we just "tried hard enough"
I will share with you why I am thinking about this in the first place:
Many Christians look exactly like non-Christians. Spend money like non-Christians, stay up late to watch football and miss church the next day, greatest goal in life is to get healthy-wealthy-rich and somehow donate enough money or do enough charity work such that they feel that they have contributed their part to society + silenced their conscience. Christians not knowing their Bible just like an average non-Christian, not sharing their faith since they don't know what it is anyway, etc.
I will tell why it matters:
Because this earth is not our home - we have heaven as our aim. We are meant to be responsible stewards of resources: time, energy, money, desires, things. When my priorities do not reflect heaven as my aim, then I am not being loving to others and will deny the gospel with my behaviour however vehemently I may proclaim it with my lips (which is also pretty hard to do when we know we are bad testimony).
2 results of that is:
1. God is not No.1 and honored in our lives as seen in our priorities.
2. We are giving a bad name to Jesus when we call ourselves Christians - tell others that God is Glorious when we spend everything to make ourselves glorious
If you can connect the points, yes I am saying that:
Our practice reveals our priorities, and our priorities reveal our beliefs. If we claim to believe 1 thing, and we practice another, we are just being hypocrites. The damage is not limited to ourselves - it says something about God, and it is told to many people who already have no fear of God in their lives.
Compared to another Christian, I tend to take it to the extreme. I do not think it is the extreme, but I think I can agree with them to disagree on this point. I really do think that the major portion of time that a Christian have should be used to extend the gospel.
Being contented with just getting a "ticket to heaven" is terribly misleading and misses the whole point of being a Christian. I just gotta do my part in following Jesus and encouraging other brothers in the journey, while drawing the rest of the crowd to the attention of their ugly fate - in hope that they may realize that we are all wicked sinners, who don't deserve heaven and have a judgment waiting for us.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Think
1. Think with a purpose of knowing
Playing with ideas when you are not going to commit to will fill you with hot air and make you stupid
2. Think both ways
Argue with yourself and try winning against yourself - you feel better being merciless to yourself rather than having someone else doing it
3. Think with a possibility of failure
Anything can fail - trusting motivational speakers that tell you that you will surely succeed goes against simple logic
4. Think with desire
Point 1 was more of a desire issue rather than a discipline issue.
5. Think about a person
You are not who you think you are, but who you think - you are
6. Think until it hurts
Not very convincing, but you are really more stupid than who you ought to be. If you don't like the demotivating tone: You can always do better. No pain, no gain. Some of us think no pain = great gain. Not true. But yes, not all pain is gain.
7. Think reflectively
Don't just think about ideas "out there", but how whatever that is "out there" would imply consequences to you
There are wonderful things about thinking:
7. You think who you are - I should really make this clear. A good tree bears good fruit, a bad tree bears bad fruit. You know a tree by it's fruit. A good tree doesn't bear bad fruit, neither does a bad tree bear good fruit. As you examine the thoughts that goes through your head, they tell a lot about who you are. When you continually think hateful thoughts, and find yourself suppressing those thoughts. You know you are pretty rotten inside and you are really trying to fix things. Or perhaps, not trying to fix things - but still coming up with a pretty smile.
6. Scientifically, the more you think - the better you get at it. Part of it is a matter of skill, a big part of it is something about your brain forming connections which then allows you to think even faster.
5. One of the reason we promote self-centered-ness, self-love, and self-whatever, is because we always think about ourselves, and really, there ain't much good stuff in us, and we get pretty good at being ourselves. Sometimes that is good, sometimes - not so good.
4. It would be very boring to have no desire. Desire fuels thoughts, and thought kindles desires. Don't you remember lying on your bed and dreaming about your crush? In your mind, he/she just gets better and more beautiful, and the harshest word they say somehow become saintly. And before you knew it, you became more in love, and you think about him/her more - and the cycle repeats.
3. Pride hinders thinking. When you don't allow the possibility of failure - you don't quite get past certain thoughts, which might be easily solved if you just took another approach. When thinking, taking oneself too seriously (which in scientific language, refusing to admit that you just started off with the wrong inference) can be one of the most idiotic thing to do.
2. You get pretty prepared for arguments. Prolonged arguments in the mind can make you pretty sharp, such that you can smell a lie a mile away. (ah! that rhymes!) It is losing arguments in practice. Better to win yourself than let somebody win you - chances are you will hate admitting the other person is really smarter and got it all right.
1. Thinking this way develops some measure of integrity. (I admit, integrity is "heart" issue, but bad thinking fuels twisted logic). Twisted logic will undo and mislead you at every point of thought, as you would be so heavily biased in a not-so-good way.
The numbers match. They are supposed to relate.
Happy thinking.
(I won't condemn it, but I don't support thinking for fun. Thinking for fun promotes making fun the highest objective for thinking. I support thinking for joy, because joy springs from truth and love - and a person will have to think truthfully and loving to get happy. Its hard to think of a lie - an unloving lie, get convinced and really be happy)
Playing with ideas when you are not going to commit to will fill you with hot air and make you stupid
2. Think both ways
Argue with yourself and try winning against yourself - you feel better being merciless to yourself rather than having someone else doing it
3. Think with a possibility of failure
Anything can fail - trusting motivational speakers that tell you that you will surely succeed goes against simple logic
4. Think with desire
Point 1 was more of a desire issue rather than a discipline issue.
5. Think about a person
You are not who you think you are, but who you think - you are
6. Think until it hurts
Not very convincing, but you are really more stupid than who you ought to be. If you don't like the demotivating tone: You can always do better. No pain, no gain. Some of us think no pain = great gain. Not true. But yes, not all pain is gain.
7. Think reflectively
Don't just think about ideas "out there", but how whatever that is "out there" would imply consequences to you
There are wonderful things about thinking:
7. You think who you are - I should really make this clear. A good tree bears good fruit, a bad tree bears bad fruit. You know a tree by it's fruit. A good tree doesn't bear bad fruit, neither does a bad tree bear good fruit. As you examine the thoughts that goes through your head, they tell a lot about who you are. When you continually think hateful thoughts, and find yourself suppressing those thoughts. You know you are pretty rotten inside and you are really trying to fix things. Or perhaps, not trying to fix things - but still coming up with a pretty smile.
6. Scientifically, the more you think - the better you get at it. Part of it is a matter of skill, a big part of it is something about your brain forming connections which then allows you to think even faster.
5. One of the reason we promote self-centered-ness, self-love, and self-whatever, is because we always think about ourselves, and really, there ain't much good stuff in us, and we get pretty good at being ourselves. Sometimes that is good, sometimes - not so good.
4. It would be very boring to have no desire. Desire fuels thoughts, and thought kindles desires. Don't you remember lying on your bed and dreaming about your crush? In your mind, he/she just gets better and more beautiful, and the harshest word they say somehow become saintly. And before you knew it, you became more in love, and you think about him/her more - and the cycle repeats.
3. Pride hinders thinking. When you don't allow the possibility of failure - you don't quite get past certain thoughts, which might be easily solved if you just took another approach. When thinking, taking oneself too seriously (which in scientific language, refusing to admit that you just started off with the wrong inference) can be one of the most idiotic thing to do.
2. You get pretty prepared for arguments. Prolonged arguments in the mind can make you pretty sharp, such that you can smell a lie a mile away. (ah! that rhymes!) It is losing arguments in practice. Better to win yourself than let somebody win you - chances are you will hate admitting the other person is really smarter and got it all right.
1. Thinking this way develops some measure of integrity. (I admit, integrity is "heart" issue, but bad thinking fuels twisted logic). Twisted logic will undo and mislead you at every point of thought, as you would be so heavily biased in a not-so-good way.
The numbers match. They are supposed to relate.
Happy thinking.
(I won't condemn it, but I don't support thinking for fun. Thinking for fun promotes making fun the highest objective for thinking. I support thinking for joy, because joy springs from truth and love - and a person will have to think truthfully and loving to get happy. Its hard to think of a lie - an unloving lie, get convinced and really be happy)
Monday, February 9, 2009
A Responsible Use of Influence
Everybody has influence -
how much influence?
influence over who?
what kind of influence?
A dog has influence. Stray dogs have influence - the very sight limping stray dogs break people's hearts. Nice puppies bring joy to people around. I once wrote a poem about a cat who lost a paw, it got me thinking about it for quite some weeks, and made me reflect on my life.
From babies and beggars to celebrities and superstars. Angelina Jolie has influence over thousands and thousands in small little ways, yet her few kids that we probably don't know their names - they influence all her life.
Marketing companies use celebrities endorsements to sell a product. Celebrities earn their cash that way. Of course, there are those who use their name for better causes like charity and the sorts; but of course, most of it is used to promote materialism which the public desires so much.
Supply and demand they say, nobody is at fault. Since the whole world is innocent, maybe God is to be blamed. Or is it true that nobody is at fault?
Yes of course, it is him/her/them.
In the last day of the great Judgment before Jesus, nobody is guiltless. Not only will men be guilty for the things they committed as an individual, they are to be responsible for what they have been teaching people around them. The greedy man is not only guilty of restraining his hand to those in need, he is guilty of training his son to be a greedy young man. The man who saw a good deed and did not do it, is not only guilty for the good he did not do, but also the discouragement he gave to the onlookers who bought into his selfishness.
While this description is true for all of us, I am thinking particularly of Christians at this moment.
God has given us forgiveness of sins, reconciliation of relationship, and assurance of salvation. I wonder with such great gifts from God, and a mission given by God to evangelize - I do not wonder that most of us are not stewarding our influence well.
Much effort and much money is put into decorating ourselves, so that we may look good, and that people may praise us. Instead of speaking of the sacrifice, the judgment and the goodness of Jesus which leads to the glory of God, we happily pour our lives for the effort of directing praise to ourselves. We are given the opportunity of one person, the strength of one person at the very least - and God knows how He can demonstrate His Greatness in our weakness; but it is not becoming for citizens of heaven to indulge ourselves in earthly things.
Most of us are being very careless stewards. If any of us remember Jesus' parables.
I suppose, influence is just one of many gifts that different people can have. I can't help but think of some of my more physically appealing (beautiful looking) female friends, with their God-given beauty, they use it to direct all praise to themselves.
But of course, this whole finger pointing business has taught me many bitter lessons. At the end of the day, I really have to ask myself this, "Is my action consistent with who I declare myself to be?"
Jesus says, "A good tree bears good fruits, and a bad tree bears bad fruits. You know a tree by their fruits"
With all respect and reverence to God, I think that statement sounds childishly obvious. While many of us think of ourselves as "Good people who happen to do bad things", Jesus is saying that mankind is "Bad people doing what they really are". To ignorant and sinful mankind, that statement is hardly obvious. It takes God to tell us common sense.
God has given us life, time, money, influence, and resources of all sorts - I hope I don't squander it away. Careless stewardship might be fun for now, but it won't be funny when we meet God face to face. We will all give an account to God, not only for our personal lives that involves ourselves, but also those whom we have led to Christ, or led astray.
2 of the many things that might rise in our heads:
a) I am not responsible/ I do not need to give an account/ I am good enough/ I am not that bad/ whatever like the words above
b) God save me
Just so we know, a) isn't quite a valid answer. Or maybe, it is again the kind of common sense that isn't quite common.
how much influence?
influence over who?
what kind of influence?
A dog has influence. Stray dogs have influence - the very sight limping stray dogs break people's hearts. Nice puppies bring joy to people around. I once wrote a poem about a cat who lost a paw, it got me thinking about it for quite some weeks, and made me reflect on my life.
From babies and beggars to celebrities and superstars. Angelina Jolie has influence over thousands and thousands in small little ways, yet her few kids that we probably don't know their names - they influence all her life.
Marketing companies use celebrities endorsements to sell a product. Celebrities earn their cash that way. Of course, there are those who use their name for better causes like charity and the sorts; but of course, most of it is used to promote materialism which the public desires so much.
Supply and demand they say, nobody is at fault. Since the whole world is innocent, maybe God is to be blamed. Or is it true that nobody is at fault?
Yes of course, it is him/her/them.
In the last day of the great Judgment before Jesus, nobody is guiltless. Not only will men be guilty for the things they committed as an individual, they are to be responsible for what they have been teaching people around them. The greedy man is not only guilty of restraining his hand to those in need, he is guilty of training his son to be a greedy young man. The man who saw a good deed and did not do it, is not only guilty for the good he did not do, but also the discouragement he gave to the onlookers who bought into his selfishness.
While this description is true for all of us, I am thinking particularly of Christians at this moment.
God has given us forgiveness of sins, reconciliation of relationship, and assurance of salvation. I wonder with such great gifts from God, and a mission given by God to evangelize - I do not wonder that most of us are not stewarding our influence well.
Much effort and much money is put into decorating ourselves, so that we may look good, and that people may praise us. Instead of speaking of the sacrifice, the judgment and the goodness of Jesus which leads to the glory of God, we happily pour our lives for the effort of directing praise to ourselves. We are given the opportunity of one person, the strength of one person at the very least - and God knows how He can demonstrate His Greatness in our weakness; but it is not becoming for citizens of heaven to indulge ourselves in earthly things.
Most of us are being very careless stewards. If any of us remember Jesus' parables.
At that time the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. Five of them were foolish and five were wise. The foolish ones took their lamps but did not take any oil with them. The wise, however, took oil in jars along with their lamps. The bridegroom was a long time in coming, and they all became drowsy and fell asleep."At midnight the cry rang out: 'Here's the bridegroom! Come out to meet him!'
"Then all the virgins woke up and trimmed their lamps. The foolish ones said to the wise, 'Give us some of your oil; our lamps are going out.'
" 'No,' they replied, 'there may not be enough for both us and you. Instead, go to those who sell oil and buy some for yourselves.'
"But while they were on their way to buy the oil, the bridegroom arrived. The virgins who were ready went in with him to the wedding banquet. And the door was shut.
"Later the others also came. 'Sir! Sir!' they said. 'Open the door for us!'
"But he replied, 'I tell you the truth, I don't know you.'
"Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour.
"Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his property to them. To one he gave five talents of money, to another two talents, and to another one talent, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. The man who had received the five talents went at once and put his money to work and gained five more. So also, the one with the two talents gained two more. But the man who had received the one talent went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master's money."After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. The man who had received the five talents brought the other five. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with five talents. See, I have gained five more.'
"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'
"The man with the two talents also came. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with two talents; see, I have gained two more.'
"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'
"Then the man who had received the one talent came. 'Master,' he said, 'I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. So I was afraid and went out and hid your talent in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.'
"His master replied, 'You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest.
" 'Take the talent from him and give it to the one who has the ten talents. For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.'
"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left."Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'
"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'
"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'
"Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'
"They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'
"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'
"Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.
I suppose, influence is just one of many gifts that different people can have. I can't help but think of some of my more physically appealing (beautiful looking) female friends, with their God-given beauty, they use it to direct all praise to themselves.
But of course, this whole finger pointing business has taught me many bitter lessons. At the end of the day, I really have to ask myself this, "Is my action consistent with who I declare myself to be?"
Jesus says, "A good tree bears good fruits, and a bad tree bears bad fruits. You know a tree by their fruits"
With all respect and reverence to God, I think that statement sounds childishly obvious. While many of us think of ourselves as "Good people who happen to do bad things", Jesus is saying that mankind is "Bad people doing what they really are". To ignorant and sinful mankind, that statement is hardly obvious. It takes God to tell us common sense.
God has given us life, time, money, influence, and resources of all sorts - I hope I don't squander it away. Careless stewardship might be fun for now, but it won't be funny when we meet God face to face. We will all give an account to God, not only for our personal lives that involves ourselves, but also those whom we have led to Christ, or led astray.
2 of the many things that might rise in our heads:
a) I am not responsible/ I do not need to give an account/ I am good enough/ I am not that bad/ whatever like the words above
b) God save me
Just so we know, a) isn't quite a valid answer. Or maybe, it is again the kind of common sense that isn't quite common.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Babies
Short Notes:
Since last week, there have been many times I have wanted to type out long difficult posts, which are full of discoveries, but I really am too lazy to do that.
For the past month, I had the privilege to see a Robin & Joy's family. They have 3 kids: Ilona, Alethea(Ally-read it like a Malaysian, like Eli), and Latimer(Latty-read it like a Malaysian, like Leti). I don't remember how old they are: Ilona is in kindergarten, Ally is probably 1 or 2 years younger, and Latimer still puts his hand in his mouth.
Not only did I get to see them and play with them a little bit, I got to make sure things like:
1) When Ilona plays with the swing, she doesn't knock Ally over (which always stands behind the swing)
2) Both Ilona and Ally don't fall off the swing when they like to both sit on the swing at the same time
3) Latty doesn't stick his finger into power points after he turned every single one ON
4) Latty doesn't pull the cable which will bring the whole lamp stand down
That is most of the dangerous stuff, besides making sure that Latty don't bang into anything as they run excitedly around. One more! I try really hard to listen to what they are saying: Latty seem to always be trying VERY hard to communicate ideas across in some weird language that only Ally understands.
Latty : Bwaguwan..Ra...La...
Ally : I think Latty says he wants to go out and play...
Latty drools all the time. When he sits down with me, he gets fascinated by the leg hair, and starts pulling them. After 2 minutes, he starts crying for either daddy or mummy, or something like "i want to go out and play", or whatever...
It really isn't easy taking care of 3 kids. Before you actually think and say
"Of course, Joel, you born yesterday ah?"
I'm telling you the more I think of it, and experience it, the more I think Joy is from Mars. Any mother of 3 kids or more is from Mars. Don't you ever sit down and think how you actually toilet train a baby?
I know how you train dogs to poop at a certain place. But babies? Don't they just poop whenever they like - and then you have to clean up?
As I see the kids, I am also learning to celebrate things the way they celebrate. Let me illustrate it:
Joel :
Hi Ally!
Ally :
(looks at me for a while and thinks)
Today I went to school with jie jie...
Joel :
(thinks for a moment... That should be an achievement I think....)
Wow, how did you find it?
Ally : I didn't cry...
Joel :
(This gotta be something like "I GOT HIGH DISTINCTION")
WOW! THATS GREAT !!!
This whole kid's business is a whole different world to me. I already have issues with talking with people, here I am trying to guess what they are saying, and then trying to relate to them.
Ilona is the eldest around, so it is easier to communicate with her. She always shows me the new things that she is doing in the kindergarten: the new Princess' crown, the Chinese New year Card ( which writes I dad Love you ) among other things.
While I can just take all these things as plain fun, but it has really got me thinking:
How many kids do I want?
Forget about the college and uni fees in the future - in the name of being merciful to myself and my wife. After the once-off of few hours of pain in delivery, there are many years of raising them up.
After long and hard thoughts, I have decided that 2 kids are enough. Why not 1? Why not 3 or more? To me, 3 or more kids is a lot of work for me and my wife. The Bible say it is good to have many sons (and daughters), like a quiver full of arrows... but it doesn't say how many: A small quiver is good, i.e. 2.
I tried handling 3 kids at once. I can't. They were running everywhere also looked like they were going to bang everything down (although they always somehow break in time, I cannot take the stress, Joy can, she's a martian like my mom).
If I have only 1 kid, what if he/she dies in an accident one day? then I will grow old with my wife without any kids!
Therefore, 2 is good. If one of them dies, there is still 1 more to comfort us. If I want more, I would be adopting I guess. It is really something to discuss with my wife. After all, as much as I will be responsible to feed them, she has to give birth to them, and she will be caring for them more of the time than I do.
So as of now, this is the blueprint. I will be changing this idea when something more brilliant pops up, or I'm compelled to subscribe to more plausible arguments.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
www.success.con
If you flip through "The Star" Newspapers, no doubt you will find advertisements like:
Are you fearful of the recession?Do you have a second source of income?"Get Rich with FOREX"- Dr. XYZ, BA(Hons), MBA, PhD is an expert in the whole field of Foreign Exchange. For the past 20 years, he has help thousands of people achieve success in their lives, etc etc. Let him teach you the skills that you NEED to SUCCEED in LIFE!Testimonial by Mr. Chan Ah BengThis course has made me earn RM15,000 a month by just spending 20 minutes a day!Testimonial by Ms. Chin Ah LianThis course has given me financial success, now I can quit my job and stay at home!
or maybe...
Do you know that Success in Education means Success in Life?
Your son/daughter has no motivation in life?
Your children finding no interest in their academics?
Join Mr. Beng's Memory course! Our children can memorize 20 digit numbers at ease, and score for your exams! Let Mr. Beng teach you the principles that your child needs to SUCCEED IN LIFE!
Testimonial by Lee Ah Kau, 12 years old
"I used to score 1 A, now I am scoring 19 As in UPSR!"
Testimonial by Lim Ah Miao, 17 years old
"I used to hate studying, but now I am the top student in school!"
I have went to some of these. But before I give my testimonials to them, please bear with me for a while - consider my experience and credential.
2 Business/Life Concept courses
1 Self-Esteem/Motivation course
1 Options/FOREX course
1 Creativity/Memory course
These courses would sum up to about RM20,000. These course have led me to talk business with 1 CEO and 1 Director of different companies. Both are multimillion dollar companies. Well, my proposals didn't get through, but it was a good try. To give them their credit, my academics are pretty good - and I can memorize quite well.
This is not to boast - and there isn't much point in doing so, because anybody who knows me knows that I am nowhere near "SUCCESSFUL" as far as the advertisements define. It seems that every other course has promised you SUCCESS in LIFE! In my better moments, I really feel that these things have somehow given me a successful life...
However, in my more sober moments, I know that these things mean very little
For the advertisers...
It seems as though an increase in self-esteem will lead to success.
Or increase in memory will result in success.
Having lots of money will give you success.
Really?
I don't doubt that many people out there think that these things will give them lasting happiness somehow - though perhaps many of us doubt that secretly inside our hearts.
When I was in high school, Success meant marrying the hottest girl in school and having lots of money to spend, with a lot of people envying and respecting me. I catch myself thinking like that often - even these days. I know some braver friends who admits it, and I know tons of friends who are more shy who would not admit it.
What is success in life?
Success is like the IN-word, the BUZZ-word for all time. Everybody wants to be successful in life, well... maybe. But I don't know anyone who wants to be a failure in life. In aiming to be successful in life, many have tried all sorts of "successes".
Money.
Girls.
Sports.
Climb to the top of the corporate ladder.
Top the university.
Get famous.
In the end, what? Tell me, what? Many of us have grown "wiser" to realize that there ain't to many spots for a "future Bill Gates". Easier alternatives are cheap beer and free internet porn. They seem to be more convenient time-killers. But as the years go by, many have become indifferent to the question
"What is this success in life that I yearn so much for?"
But that is okay. The business people aren't really interested in answering your question anyway. After figuring out that they are also confused with the issue...
"Hey, why not make money in the process?"
Hence - success courses. Let me be frank with you, of the people I have known or asked, none of them gives a clear answer. Forget about a good one. See, there are these "spiritual" and "philosophical" people who also got confused with the issue...
"Hey, why not make the question more complicated?"
I hate to say this. But since the media is pushing so much sex, the major shareholder of the future - the youths are "enlightened" by MTV...
" F*** success... wait... to get to F*** is SUCCESS "
I was in form 3 when I first heard from a girl telling me how she got "scored" by another guy. That guy must be pretty successful in the eyes of many high schoolers. I can testify to that. Talk about peer pressure at 14.
Then again, as time goes by - we learn how fleeting these moments are. Fleeting, like the mist in the morning that appears for a little while, then gone.
I have heard the "happy family" theory too. They tell me fun friends and a close family is the "genuine" success. This is a little more tricky. The more innocent it sound, the trickier it is. I want to ask the people who told me these things whether it is consistent with the their experience in life - is it such a good definition that can apply to all humanity at all times... being all sufficient. I've learnt that the people who always look most innocent and blur, and probably worse off than those who reveal it on the outside.
Like Chinese you know?
Let me start off with this. I work with Malay colleagues. They are decently hardworking people. I have hung around Chinese long enough to know that most Chinese think Malays are the laziest people on earth. Ah, but don't forget, I have also hung around Chinese long enough to know that they are so sly that it is hard to catch them slacking off. We are the best actors. Chinese Drama remember? It all started from Hong Kong - Chinese.
Hollywood doesn't know acting for nuts - They know visual effects and the like. But real acting belong to the Chinese, on screen and off screen... Boss around, Boss not around. If Boss cannot catch you slacking off - SUCCESS!
Come on - you and I, and perhaps every other person that you know seem to strive so hard for success in life. Couldn't it bother you to spend a little more time figuring out what success in life is - if it is indeed so important.
Maybe, for a start - to know where you are heading? Why are you heading there? and where are you supposed to head anyway?
Do you?
ANYWAY........
On a happier note,
Something my older sister said made me realize something. It went something like...
"Our language is not broken ( broken english, broken malay, etc), it is unified"
Now, it might sound terribly lame. Lets admit it, we speak broken-whatever.
But for the past 2 days working in Astro (my office being 70% Malays), I have made friends with 3 Malay colleagues.
I used to call friends "fren"..
when I went Australia, I learnt that they call friends as "mates"
now I have a little more Malay friends... the word of the day is "member"
It is amazing, how Malay-English-Cantonese mixed up in one sentence is understood by all 3 major races in Malaysia. Mr. Mamak also knows them.
I hear of some Chinese with political ambitions wanting to unify Malaysia in one way or the other. Most of those I am heard goes something like:
" I will be a top politician... then I will make laws that..."
" I will be a famous (insert-your-white-collar-profession-here)... then I will... "
Self centeredness World Champion... Chinese la...
Well, based on my 2 days experience only... with no political training in any way... the best thing that we Chinese can really do isn't becoming a politician or being famous or whatever to actually create change...
We should just...
Try making some Malay friends.
.
.
.
.
.
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They are nice people.
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