Engineering Nightmare

Date: 31/10/2008

My exam timetable was originally this:

Mathematics 2B on 29/10/2008
Control Systems on 31/10/2008

Me blogging now....

Analogue Electronics on 11/11/2008
Mobile and Satellite Communications on 12/11/2008

The problem is this: I had 5 exam papers in 4 days. Not exactly 5. It is more like

2 + 3i

I dreamt that I sat for 3 imaginary exam papers in my dream. To wake up to find out that the stress i faced was... imaginary, is pretty disappointing.

The Math 2B paper was really some exciting crap.

Event 1: Halfway through the 3 hour paper, I wanted to pee.
(I did go to the loo right before the paper)

Event 2: I was lagging about 20 minutes behind time.

Conclusion: Didn't go to pee, cannot complete paper. This is the first time this happened to me. to resist peeing for more than an hour - balancing the tension of completing the paper and resisting to pee.

After the paper, I found out that I'm not the only one who wanted to go the toilet. Now, I secretly hope that everybody did as bad as me, so that the lecturer will be forced to moderate the paper and scale the marks up.

Let me jot down some lifeless thing I did last night with my engineering classmates

We sat down.
Took out a piece of paper.
Calculated some scores.
Drew a graph.

Using the statistics we learn in Math 2B, we started calculating the probability that our marks would be scaled higher. We found that the scale is exponential in nature, (i.e. the lower marks you get, the higher the percentage of scaling).

However, since the sample size that we used to plot the graph was pretty small (we only had 3 values to plot the whole graph), the variance of the graph would be substantial.

However, factoring in even that, the probability that my marks would be scaled up to a Distinction is less than 20% with a 95% Confidence Interval.

In plain language, the chances of me getting a high distinction, taking into account as many factors as I know, is very low.

I've been munching on salad 90% of the time for the past week - to make sure that I don't spend too much time and energy digesting my food. Going on a vege diet, I have lowered my sleeping duration from 8 hours to 6 hours.

If that sounds a little extreme for the many carnivores out there, I have a friend who pumped 3 cans of Red Bull in a day and slept for only 3 hours. Now if Red Bull is plain water, it is not so bad. The problem is that there is this warning sign on Red Bull that warns against having more than 2 cans a day.

Warning: Do not drink more than 2 cans a day. You might die of a heart attack.

She might just die of a heart attack.
Well, the warning label doesn't exactly write it that way. But it is still crazy.


Reminds me of another dream.



I was dreaming that exams were over. I was jumping and leaping for joy.





Then I woke up.




I can't wait for exams to be over. And looking up the skies, I'm thinking...



God, if it is not too trivial... please help me through this. It's just too damn scary. If I stay as nervous as this long enough, I will get constipation, or stroke, or paralysis...

Randomness - 23rd October

Studying in library...eating sushi...

Joel: *notices avocado in sushi* Eh, avocado good for breasts...

Wesley: prevent breast cancer...

Joel : ya ya....

Mitchell: Eh, today, got some breast cancer people.. i mean...er... those who volunteer, sell me muffin... u got buy ah?

Joel: No ah...eh, I got 1 teacher, die because of breast cancer...

Mitchell: I have many friends who die...

Joel: wah, how many oh... Eh, not 1,2 teachers died...

Yuda: I got 2 auntie have breast cancer... 1 die edi, 1 more not yet die...

Joel, Mitchell, Wesley: .........

Uglier and uglier... maybe not

Things have changed. It is either you have gotten more and more beautiful... or maybe you have gotten uglier and uglier. Or maybe, you have stayed the same... my eyes have gotten uglier, thats why you look uglier; or perhaps my eyes caught some thing more beautiful.

Well, I can't believe that things has not changed. I know you want to think that this is just transcient - but it isn't. I am more likely to believe that it is my eyes have gotten uglier - but knowing you, I cannot rule out the fact that you were so much more beautiful when I first met you.

Then onwards, it was like peeling onions. The more I know you, the sadder it becomes - as my eyes slowly blur, being no longer able to appreciate and evaluate things clearly.

Times like this, I need to brush off the dirt - stand up again, and move on towards where I was supposed to go in the very beginning. A flower by the road - I have mistaken as a companion for the journey... Yet it is true, that even fleeting moments are precious. I would willingly slow down my journey for a little kitten by the road.

My fantasies are shattered, there is no puppy, and there are no kittens. The pedestrians, they are just there - they probably don't mean to be obstacles or companions... they just wander - sometimes they come across as friendly, sometimes as complete strangers. The pain is just hard to bear - it is easy to give up on a tiring journey and settle down for the beautiful scenery.

And you were more than a flower, more than a kitten - you were more, but I hoped for even more. I have stopped too long to expect less, if I leave - I lag behind; if I stay, I live in denial. The sun scorches, the flower fades, little children run into the shade, and the path is clear.

If I don't leave now, I will never reach. Please, come along with me if you will - I trust that the journey would be much more interesting and encouraging... if you are willing to trust me too.

As The Final Exams Draw Near...

My hair gets messier. Gah! It is only one-inch long and it can get messy.

I start to read a few verses in the Bible once in a while... imagining that I will somehow get smarter after that.

Do push-ups evevery once in a while because my body somehow aches when I study. Headache, neck ache, back ache...

I feel lonely - I don't seem to get along well with the books.

I discover a lot of new things. I used to learn Normal distributions, exponential, Poisson distributions only. But today I realized there is such a thing called t-distribution and F-distribution... which I am supposed to know weeks ago.

Nobody seems to be online although there are so many people online.

Time seems to pass too quickly. Yet I seem to be wasting lots of them somehow - even though I thought that I studied for very long.

I want to Chor Dai Dee!!!

I lose hair since I keep pulling them off.

I dance.

I talk to myself.

I play with my stationery more often.

I laugh to myself.

I pretend I am a bird and start flapping my hands around the house... singing la la la la...

I imagine being some uber rich tycoon and has no need to study in university... and maybe take a nap...

GAH! NO.....

I remember deadlines, test dates, exam dates more than I remember holidays and birthdays.

I keep counting my test and assignment marks and think of the ridiculously high marks I need to obtain for my final exam to get Distinction.

....

I am suddenly reminded of the resistor I blew up in the Electronics lab today. I spent more than an hour to connect the whole circuit and put in all the right values of resistors... then 5 minutes into the lab...

POOF! Bright Light! Smoke! Whole 47000 ohm resistor burnt. 5 minutes into a 3 hour lab... and this is final evaluation for my lab class. GAHHHH!!!!!!!

I have spent an hour on this... typing and thinking of more tragedies and traumatic experiences.. I shall now resume studying for statistics test on monday... 5 marks... and then tomorrow got Control Systems Lab evaluation....10 marks....


AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Con Job

Today, I met an Indonesian - at least he introduced himself that way. I met him while I was walking back from Uni. He told me that his atm card is lost because he entered a wrong pin number - the bank said he has to come back tomorrow to get the card, and he has no money to pump petrol to go home. He told me the situation was embarassing, and he wanted 20 dollars.

I only had a 50-dollar note. So I went away to look for change... a couple who sat nearby had 48.80 in change, and I said it was okay for them to give me 48.80 dollars. From a distance I could see him make a call to his friend describing his embarassing situation.

And so I gave that man 20 dollars. He thanked me, asked me if I wanted to take down his number so he could repay me again tomorrow in Uni. My mind was thinking, do I want him to repay me? Well, I'm not doing charity here, but I didn't want him to feel bad... so I said it was okay, he can take down my number and call me at his leisure.

As i left the scene, far enough almost to lose sight of him - I saw him approach an australian student...

Con man?

Well, as I think of it again now - I'm not so bothered as to whether I was cheated or not. I was just thinking... if I can do it again, would I have done it differently?

I was thinking, if Jesus was there - and since God would know the thoughts and intentions of a man's heart... He would have known that it was a con job. Knowing that, would he have given?

Now, I didn't know that man nor his intentions - but it wasn't hard to test.

1. He said he had no money to pump petrol, I could ask him to bring me to his car if he even had one.
2. I could check whether he really made a call by checking his phone.
3. Banks are closed on Saturdays - they shouldn't be asking him to come back tomorrow unless it is a wierd bank that opens on Saturday.

Even if I didn't do this, I could have ran back to the Australian student and verify if he used the same excuse. I didn't even make him put a miss call on my phone!

My mind is thinking : Joel, if you can get conned by such a thing, you must be a real idiot.

But my mind is also thinking: Would I lie and tell him I don't have 20 dollars? Or would I tell him that I think he is a con man and he doesn't deserve 20 dollars... Maybe I will tell him - here is 20 dollars, REMEMBER that I am a Christian...

(Just so he knows that he conned a Christian, and even if he doesn't see me anymore in this life, he better remember that Jesus is going to judge him... and he better repent this life or face the consequences when he meets Jesus the Judge)... well, its just typical of me to like thinking that everything I do have some good consequences even if it isn't handled the best way.

Sometime ago I was talking with some friends and we happened to talk about giving money to beggars. Some of them told me that the beggars were con men and they are pretty well off really, living off the pity of gullible people.

After some thought, I said... I would give them money anyway even if they are con men. They are in such a depraved state, their actions are not worthy of any honour (I think beggars have more honour than them)... I would pity them and give them the money.

On the other hand, if they are not con men, and I didn't give them the money they need to eat dinner the same night - than I am being merciless and have caused a man to go starving...

I said that with the idea that giving would mean a few ringgit... not 20 dollars which would convert to about 50 ringgit now. What I did today - I have very little idea if I did the right thing. If he didn't get 20 dollars off me, he would have gotten it off another person. If he did get 20 dollars off me (which he did), he would go around to get more 20 dollars anyway.

If I exposed him in public... I don't know what will happen. Is his dignity worth 20 dollars? Or is it that I am so gullible - that my intelligence is worth less than 20 dollars? I would like to think of it as the former. I mean - I would like to think of myself as a good person. Yet I know... I thank God didn't create my forehead with a screen that would display all my thoughts, cos that would be disasterous...

I know deep in my heart - not only short comings and weaknesses... but also the struggles with lust and all sorts of temptations and laziness that I have to face everyday.

I'm happy that Crystal thinks well of me. I really am happy of that. Having said that, I have to maintain a cool head and not get carried away. After all, it is pretty easy to live like a damn confident person who has no flaws when others only see us once in a while. I have friends that think well of me too... but the better they think well of me, the more I realize that they must know who I really am and what I struggle with.

Or else, they might just be living with an imaginary Joel. Neither do I want to live the life of an imaginary Joel. Very much like infatuation... She is so pretty, she is so hot, she is so smart, she is so perfect... She is flawless.

I have to deal with sin seriously and work on godliness... even if I can hide it from others, I won't be able to hide it from my wife... even if I hide it from my wife, God will see. And maybe the issue isn't really whether someone would catch me doing the wrong things and saying the wrong words...

It is just about wanting to give the genuine best to the people that I value in life. Though I am far away from that ideal- and I doubt I will ever reach that in this life... The little things that I need to remember is that both the journey and the destination is important.

Jesus promises in the Bible that one day I will be free from this sinful body (and it isn't in this life on earth but in heaven). Until then(and onwards), I will live an honest and transparent life... I will make honest effort, because I know that I am not alone in this effort. I know that God is helping me, and by making this effort - I also encourage others who are making the same effort, as well as receiving their encouragement simply by persevering.

Con job? Should I have given or shouldn't I have given?
I really don't know. My answers to my friends wouldn't be as definite as before. (back of my head: I don't mind getting cheated of 5 ringgit.... but 50 ringgit is a bit too much...)

Well, for the very least, I don't want to con myself to live an imaginary life.
For the very least, I want people to expect honesty from me.
For that, I better be honest to myself.