500 days of summer, catfeeding, Buddhism, Ethics, Glory, Sarcasm

I just watched 500 days of summer
And I am not surprised that I understood what was happening all along, and why certain words were said. And I remember that it is a good thing that our parents don't always give us what we want. If they did, and when we learn some sense as we grow up, we would have despised those actions.
And most of all, our Heavenly Father that knows better than us who gives us what is good for us even when we are all a little like Summer. May God help us "wake up one morning" and "be sure" of the thing that... the world didn't and couldn't give us.

I also have been hearing "good reports" from fellow catfeeders
I am in charge of 2 relatively friendly cats on campus. I get to pat Poppy, but Coco is too shy for me to touch her. I used to be unable to understand why people actually like cats - dogs are a million times friendlier. Cats are like hot girls. They don't give you a rip. Cute dogs are like hot girls that actually care about you. Those high-class cats' affection are hard to earn, and they are pretty loyal. Some catfeeders finally got the chance to pat the cats they feed after about a year of feeding. It was joy for them. So i guess, somethings are not about possessing, but rather earning it.
Reminds me, Jesus is God, divine and worshipped all along - afterall, He is the Creator and has a right to everything. But I like to know the fact that Jesus earned His name. " And He humbled Himself, to the point of death on a cross, therefore God gave Him the name that is above all names, that at His name every knee shall bow"

Attended the Bodhi Night
I left early, but got the chance to hear the sermon by the nun on impermanence. The non-buddhist phrase for that is "the only constant in the world is change". Mainly about how change is inevitable in the universe, we ought not to hold a grudge against a universal law, much like we shouldn't be hating gravity, it is stupid and absurd. Rather, since we know that incidents happen due to a collection of causes and circumstances, we ought to recreate those circumstances and conditions and reap the harvest of success of it. Don't fret that things don't turn out our way, it is just that the causes and conditions have changed - do some reverse engineering, and recreate your future. Don't get too attached to the present, it will change! continuously work for the future and havest the fruit of the past. That is the gist of what I got, might not be everything, but I have been given better promises than this.
This whole cycle that I live through - to sin, repent, receive forgiveness from God, and repeat - looks like it will never change. Like a universal law "to err is human". Birth, life, death and decay is a constant cycle in life. But Buddhists, studying the world as a closed system, do not know that this constant cycle will very soon be changed. In fact, the change has begun, it will build up momentumn and thunder through eternity. Jesus will come just as He has come once, He will put an end to what we have been living with thousands of years. The history of human sinfulness, the effects of it will be changed, and it has already started. The data that Buddha worked with, how he saw the sufferings of this world, the cycle which this world goes through - a sight which set him on the path to Enlightenment... yes, those data will very soon be irrelevant. In fact, He never saw through the temporal world, not because he was stupid, but because he never knew that the world was NEVER a closed system. The Creator has His eye on it, and has entered it to save all humanity, and change history forever. Too bad the Enlightened One never lived to see that day.

Did studies on Ethics
Been taking this subject called Ethics and Leadership in uni. It is not surprising that the whole course is about exercising your brain cells to understand morality - but somehow it goes just about there. After all, it is written in the course outline (paraphrased) "This course is not suppsed to make you more ethical, it is about how to think ethically". This is somethings I hate about modern philosophy and all the spiritual guru stuff - it is like the lazy employee - always seem to be working hard, but nothing much ever comes out of it besides some mish mash that leave people where they started off.
But the goals are pretty realistic. If a subject in uni could have cured the human problem of wickedness, I'd be a lecturer. It was at first crazy to think that some human problem required God to die, thousand year old prophecy to be fulfilled, and expectancy of a Saviour coming in the future. But looking at the lame attempts by humans, it isn't that crazy afterall. This whole talk about humans needing God to change our wicked heart(not improve it, but change), about how it would take "God to live in us" to possibly reverse the madness and depth of our error, this whole talk about we being insufficient to be self-saviours but needing external help... yeah, those things that Christians talk about sounds like a better solution than a "Yes we can". Well, that fella is trying hard to be a good president, I applaud him for that, but somethings are just out of his control. It must be a hard lesson to learn that America isn't capable of miracles.

Leart about achievement and glory
I remember singing "history maker" kind of Christian songs when I was in high school. Its about how we are so inspired by great people in the past who did great work in Chrstianity, how we could be like them if we worked hard enough, trusted God enough, and whatever -enoughed. It was about "achieving great things for God", glory was something we earned to give God. You know? Do well in your studies "by God's strength", and then when people ask, somehow credit it to God and say that He was the main force behind it. I kinda got that idea during my formative years as a young Christian.
But then when I read that glorifying God essentially means growing to be Christlike, I was thinking "Surely I can't be hearing bullshit all along about glorifying God being being a superstar Christian?" Well, I didn't hear just nonsense, but just that I was misguided by sincere people with good intentions. And sometimes, I think good intentions did more harm in history than plain wickedness. I don't know. Maybe someday we will have a Facebook quiz for that. Facebook has quizzes for everything, from "when I will die" to "who I will marry" to how many "%" lucky I am today. I thought people who accessed the internet were smarter than that, but apparently internet is so accessible anybody could use it.
I remember reading verses like "God will look on that successful man who glorifies Him most by being the famous preacher/musician who everybody adores", or was it "Here is who I will look at - one who has a broken and contrite spirit, one that trembles at My Word". I don't know, probably the first one, they seem to say that a lot in many popular churches, sounds like something everybody loves to hear, like good reports from the government about how the whole country is in fact very united with only very few unwanted dissenters. But well, I'm learning that faithfulness in small things trumps those big achievements. Surely God is worth my limelight glorious moments, but He is worth more than that, He is worth every single breath of my inglorious moments - for in my weakness God's sufficiency is made all the more obvious.

Sarcasm
I have friends who are so innocent in some ways that they don't realize when I am being sacarstic. I admire that. And to some extent, I wished I were a little more like them, instead of having ideas and images that shout violence, hatred and lust shouting through my mind. Ignorance is bliss, sometimes. I love those people, they have a privilege that few people have. Some of us understand jealousy perfectly well, because we are people who get jealous often. They are the ones who don't get jealous much, because they don't see what is there to be jealous about. Jealousy is a foreign concept. Sounds good not to know too much bad stuff eh?
But back to sarcasm, some people just don't use their brain enough to know the difference.
That is how I used to think a lot. Until God revealed to me the laziness and the wicked thoughts that I am capable of having. It puts things in perspective, it isn;t always about how much you know... but in God's eyes, how much you do about what you know. Often, we don;t do much about what we know, we don't do what we ought to, no matter how virtuous and loving it may be. Which brings us back to the same level - all common sinners who desperately need forgiveness, or else we would do justice to send each other to hell.

When I grow up, I want to be just like ...

This is a short post about a guy I have a lot of respect for and enjoy talking to.

Kenneth Lo Shau Hui.

Kenneth and Vivian

He, in his own words, was a typical Ah Beng all his life, then he came to study in UNSW, and became a Christian here. After graduating and working for a few years in Singapore, he came back to Sydney to study Theology. He is currently in his 3rd year, he would be heading back to Malaysia to become a pastor.

Kenneth is probably about 10 years older than me, about 30 years old, married to a woman called Vivian, who he met at UNSW too. Kenneth loves Vivian, and it is something that people around them can see - and they are expecting a baby in a couple of months.

Thats the short intro. Now the real thing:

One thing I appreciate about Kenneth is that he gives me the benefit of the doubt. When I come to him discussing issues that I struggle with - he does not assume I am stupid and am plain sinful. While it is true that the major bulk of my problems are because I am sinful, he explains things to me in much more helpful ways rather than "Joel, you are very sinful, please grow up".

He talks in a way that acknowledges that I have thought things through, and allows me to attempt explaining things about m mind which I find hard to put into words. I have talked with many people who are not able to recognize the question behind the question. From what I can feel, Kenneth always know that I have a deeper question behind the surface question that I ask, and deals with me gently as he exposes issues of godliness, or rather ungodliness.

The next thing I appreciate is his lack of pretense and humility. While he is older than me, he is married, he has experienced more things than I, and dealt with a variety of people - he talks plainly with me. I say humility because he is indeed wiser than I, yet he talks with me as with a friend. He genuinely considers me an equal, and not a little boy to be taught, rather an adult to discuss things with. I appreciate that honour.

Bible Study Group 2008

I say lack of pretense, because I know there are many people out there who pretend to know more things than they really do, me included. I know how I often come up with some bullshit reasoning that is carefully crafted, so that I look wise - when I am asked questions that I don't have answers to. Kenneth doesn't know everything in the world, nobody does - difference is that he admits that in a genuine way, all of the time, in everything he does. Kenneth is open to admit his weaknesses, not in the tone of "well yeah... nobody is perfect", but rather "I want you to know that I struggle with the same thing as you do, so hang in there brother, because Jesus is faithful".




The third thing I respect about him is the way he handles issues plainly. Let me illustrate this:


Last year, Kenneth and I were in the same Bible study group - of course he was the leader, and I am most glad of that. So our group went for an outing to... Bondi Beach I think, Vivian was with us. Well, for those of us who went there before, it would be quite common to see women sun bathing without their tops. So after sometime at the beach, we wanted to take a group picture, so all the guys got into a row, and I was standing beside Kenneth. About 4 metres away, I noticed a beautiful woman (I think) - topless, tanning her self and taking a nap.





This is the core of it all.




If you were Kenneth, standing beside me, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY?







Pretend not to see?




Oh no?




WOW?




Haha Joel, I caught you staring! ?




Eh! Don't see lah! ?







All these responses would tell something about your personality. Any one of them would reveal at least one thing about your maturity. I wonder, what would you say to me?





I am not sure if anybody out there can appreciate what Kenneth is about to say. Maybe if you were good in psychology, you would recognize something? Maybe if you have talked with different types of people, you might appreciate it.





This is what Kenneth said.





"Not very helpful for our godliness huh..."




Kenneth saw it. I saw it. He knew I saw it. I recognize something and I appreciate it, not because I know lots of things about humans, or I understood deep principles of human thinking... but rather, what he said was so true. It was a mature response.




He didn't pretend not to see it. He didn't correct my behaviour as though the issue was not moral by nature. He did not waste the opportunity to reveal something about my heart, and about the matter at hand. He did not say things like "haha I caught you" as though he was a very holy person who is out of this world or he was a gay.




It has been a year since that event, but I remember those words clearly. Kenneth acknowledges the problem, and diagnosed the issue well, and handled the situation well.




Fourthly, Kenneth is not falsely humble. I know people like that. I think false humility is worse than pride - its the worst form of pride. I remember discussing what Paul said "Imitate me, as I imitate Christ" with Kenneth. To cut the length discussion short - we were saying how we find ourselves so inadequate in every way to tell the same thing to other Christians - "Imitate me, as I imitate Christ". And Kenneth was also saying that we could also practice false humility, or be irresponsible as Christian to avoid saying that statement, and of course, trying to live that out.





There are really many more things that I admire about Kenneth. I don't normally say this of anybody - but Kenneth is somebody I would want to imitate as I seek to imitate Christ. If I was another person, and I read the post I just typed, I would be afraid that this person is almost worshipping Kenneth. But the one thing I really respect about Kenneth is how he shifts the spotlight away from himself.




He always identifies himself and comes to my level of understanding of things to work things through, points to the Bible, admits his sinfulness, and help me put my trust in God - he doesn't quite just "pray for Joel" - but he recognizes that his struggles are not much different than mine, so he always prays not only for me, but also for himself when we pray together.




I'm feeling very... um... favoured by God to have such a friend in my life. (Yes, I refuse to use the word blessed, not because I have something against it, but almost nobody really understands what that Christian jargon means)




I pray that Kenneth and Vivian will continue to love Jesus more and more and help many others do the same too. On this whole "becoming more and more like Jesus" journey, Kenneth is definitely a major milestone that I want to reach. It is just that as of now, I lack all of those things that I respect and admire. Well, it is gonna take some time - and yes, there are quite a few other people that I still kinda respect and admire, not quite as much, but still do - but what I appreciate more about those people are that they keep putting in effort to make themselves better people, and they are wonderful people who puts others first, wise, caring, and lots of other nice things. Enough of the guys -




Among them are 3 sisters in Christ: Jesslyn Ding, Teoh Sze Wen, Mandy Khoo




Ah, if you do happen to see these people, please do treat them extra nicely. God knows how much they have sacrificed to put others first.

Lord, You know all things

Give me neither poverty nor riches,
Lest I should go poor and steal,
Or why should I be full and say "Who is The Lord?"

Please don't praise me when I do things well,
But do let me know you care for me,
For I am a sinful man -
and sinful men love to hear praises of men
If you were a pagan,
I would regard your words as flattery
But you are my dear brother, my dear sister,
How could I not believe that you spoke genuine words?

I am so sinful, please do not destroy me with praises
I am so sinful, I get discouraged when I hear no approval

Whether I turn to the left or to the right
destruction awaits me

And so, from heaven came a hand,
Yes, more than a hand -
From heaven came a man
yes, more than a man

He knows my heart
How wicked it is
He gives me grace
Grace enough to know that He is enough
When all I have is weakness

He speaks words loving and tender
His words are life -
unlike the praises of men, or their approval
His words are sharp and they cut,
yet they heal.

O God, let me hear your voice,
Where else have I to go,
When you alone have words of eternal life?

His hands are warm in the cold
and cool in the heat,
His hands are like no other.
When shall I finally sleep in His palms?

Winter brings sorrow,
Springs bring hope
but only that which last for a moment,
Before summer beats on my back
and autumn crushes all

When shall spring pass?
When shall I see Him
not as the mirror which I see in part
But to know Him face to face

When shall I be free from sin?
Tears have become my drink day after day
When promises after promises are broken,
I dare not promise Jesus anymore
You know me,
You know men, and what lies in them.

Tomorrow I awake to continue my endless toil,
only because I know the rest You bring
and Your promises never fail.

Let me tell you something Jesus,
I love my Christian sister,
and I hate myself for I cannot love her like You do
Your love is pure,
Your love is patient, is kind
is not self seeking, does not boast,
is not arrogant, Your love is true.
I am a sinful man,
full of lust,
full of strive,
I should have died a thousand times,
Why did you nailed Yourself to the tree?
When really, it should have been me

But I fear death
I fear God's wrath,
It is right for God to be angry,
It is right for you to judge.

The sane man in me condemns me
The wicked man in me won't let go of sin
But Your Spirit in me calls me to trust in Your grace

How long more do I have to live with them?
I am Your bride, You are our groom
Let me no longer live in harlotry,
but let me have One God
Let me live under One head

The waves in the world toss me all around
Its hard, My God, It is hard -
But why do I echo these words
When I know that Christ is my High Priest
O My God,
If only I can know you more,
If only I am like You a little more,
If only I am able to live like You
Then I will rest in Your Love
I will not cry,
I will not be restless.

Precious in the sight of The Lord is the death of His saints.
I want to die, I want to be with You.
But here you keep me,
living this earth, because You love me.
You want me to know that it is with the love You have for the World,
It is with that You loved me.
And many sons you have, you think of giving me siblings
Tough love you want me to learn.

I want to be Christlike
Yet I do not want to be Christlike -
If I have a heart like Yours
A big heart that weeps for the sin of the world
A big heart that desires none be lost
If I had your heart,
I would die of grief.

But Your purpose will not fail
As you have done, so You will do
You will make me like Jesus
You will put me in the refiner's fire
My future glory I could not fathom,
For you are determined to see pure gold.

Oh Lord, I do not think I am too concerned about my glory
For I know that the day when I am fully pure,
It is Your glory only that I will ever want,
and I will rejoice with John,
For You are increasing, and I am decreasing.

My sinful mind, cannot love You like I would like to,
For I cannot see You as You are
Day and Night I sin against You
Lame, blind and blemished are my offerings,

I would like to think I am trying hard
but You know Iam not,
I am ashamed,
From You I run
but in my heart,
I know it is to You I must run to.

You knew all these were coming
Yet with an irrevokable decree You set Your Love on me
I do not know what to do.
My thanksgiving sounds like filthy rags
as I speak them in the midst of Your saints

You know my heart,
You know, You know.

"Joel, do you love me?"
"Joel, do you love me?"
"Joel, do you love me?"

You know Lord. You know all things. I love you Jesus.