500 days of summer

This is a different kind of movie review. It only makes sense if you watched it already. More like an interpretation of the movie. I wont go through the whole story line, but to just highlight somethings. Of course, I am not the authour, so I might just misrepresent him by over-reading into it. and I probably don't mind somebody tellng me what I interpreted is wrong.

Things that I will attempt to explain are:

1. The ordering of days, why isn't it the traditional movie that follows proper chronology, or just the good ol' flashback - instead it jumps all over the place
2. What and why Tom ( and Summer ) says what each of them say
3. What was Summer talking about when she sat on the bench with Tom and said things like "I just woke up and realize..." to which Tom gave a snort
4. The significance of them swapping views towards the end

First things first.

1) The ordering of days. I think this is a simple one, most people get it.

It is how we think.

Yes, thats the answer. When everything has happened, we think in frames like that. A sum of little events. We think " Ahh, I remember those good times... then I remembered how he did something totally different..." After a whole noon thinking that, we think of another event that happened between us and our loved one again, there is comparison and contrast in those different days. Remember the time in the movie where there was a split screen?

Reality and expectation? That is how we think - And each frame contributes to the story in a unique way. It also shows 2 things: The individual highs and lows of each event, but also if you notice, how things were actually progressing one by one - there was a point where it was just holding broken pieces together, and waiting, and waiting.

2) Remember the office happy night out thing?
McKenzie was a lil drunk, and asks Summers if she has a boyfriend? and further on, we also have a frame of Summers telling about all her ex-boyfriends?(plus that girlfriend)
Summers developed a view about the whole thing of "not going to fall in love", not being someone else's someone. And Tom was saying the total opposite. The deal is this: Summers is confused and she doesn't know what she is saying. She has a self protection kind of mentality to avoid the possible disasters that might come with it. Why own a pet dog to love it when it might possibly die and break your heart one day? DON'T OWN is the way out. A little bit of her - but not quite. Anyway, she wanted to believe that by just "being friends" with Tom would take away that problem. Ultimately, she wants the "gifts" that come with relationship, but would hope that she doesn't need to pay the "price" of commitment. More to comment on the whole "price" thing.

3)Tom wanted a label. Having a label is being someone's somebody. It is to be attached, your identity is defined no longer by simply who you are, but by your relationships. You are someone's father, someone's child, another person's wife, etc. This is what the world shouts at us, we just want to have casual sex, no commitments - "as long as it harms no one, do whatever you will". Of course, Tom gave in to Summers who didn't really know what she wanted. Or rather, what she wanted was a deep committed relationship, but she doesn't quite believe in the existence of it - so the next best thing is to have the perks of the relationship at least. Tom wasn't thinking initially about any deep long term relationship that has commitments to it - like a real marriage. All Tom wanted was Summers. Whatever Summers wanted, he wanted - because he just wanted Summers... even if it went against what he understood to be true.

Ahh, forget the numberings... it doesn't relate point to point anymore...

Anyways...

This is a situation. A man started out knowing what he wants. and a lady being hardened by her past - she kinda knows what she wants, but doubting the existence of it, she gets confused and does not know what she wants anymore.

Guy meets girl, got blown away. The "theory" he understood... he is willing to throw it away for the girl. At least for the moment. Maybe he thought "If only I gave her enough time, she might just change her mind, and decide that falling in love, committing to a marriage might be a good thing".

But over time, that understanding blurrs. Tom wanted some security. He clarified with Summers in the car. Summers diverted the question away. Tom gave in, he thinks things are still going okay. But deep inside Summers, things are not right. She faces a conflict. What she wants is a deep relationship that has commitment, she isn't quite aware of that in her mind... to her it is illogical.

Now, this is the part where the bench thing is explained.

Summers woke up one fine day, and realised that what she couldn't get from Tom is exactly what she believed didn't exist. Suddenly, she believes that it existed. Tom could not give her the security that comes with a long term relationship. It makes no sense to Tom.

Tom was the one who wanted a real deep committed relationship in the beginning (remember the part where he said things like.... SHOWER SEX? Casual friends my ass!). Tom wanted it, Summers didn't. Tom gave in to believe in what Summers believe. Now Summers changed - what the hell is Tom supposed to do? Because of Summers, Tom has become a person that is different. To Summers, Tom is no longer a reliable candidate as a husband if he gave in to this "casual friends" nonsense. Summers made Tom into another person, and now she doesn't like it. Tom had no spine in the beginning, but loved Summers more than he should - In the end, Tom gets confused and Summers wakes up.

The truth is this:
Its a little bit like a partying girl who goes clubbing all the time. Does she want a good husband, a good future? YES! She might or might not put it that way, but she definitely wants it. Yet, the goodie way of going about relationships, is just taking too long, its conservative, and you probably dont get the hottest girls. The hottest girls have bought the lie that they are so hot, so they go to places where they are worshipped all day long.

Now. The time will surely come, when she realizes her empty lifestyle.

The guys she used to hang out in the clubs: She know who they are deep inside. She wouldn't want to marry a guy from the club. She knows why she was in the club the first place, and he sure know that he is in for the girls, and hoping to get laid by the end of the night. She wakes up - but the guy was blindly mislead all along, and wonders why she has changed.

So, what do I want to conclude with:
If you are a guy, know what is right and wrong... what is good and bad. The girl might know what is good and bad too, but chances are that you lead the relationship and you make calls. If she is heading down the wrong path, correct her as a friend, "walking together down the wrong path" might earn you her friendship for a while - but when she wakes up, she will realize that things should have been different from the beginning.
As much as guys... girls don't always know what they are talking about. Know the right thing, do the right thing. But in general as humans, the truth is... we are all like Summers: Most of us, most of the time "don't know what is good or bad for us".

It always take a decade or 2 before we realize things.
When we were young, our parents instructed us in ways which we disliked. When we grow older, we come to udnerstand things better and thank them for forcing their way and shoving those veggies down.
As we work, there are things we hold in high regard. We don't believe much of the nonsense like relationships are more important than work. But we believe lies that teach us to measure success by all the wrong rulers. Then before we die, we start to realize that we have been really missing out on things because of the lies we believe.

Truth is this:
It doesn't have to be this way.

Tom could have acted differently, being being a good man who had the spine to not give in. It wasn't a "never meant to be" thing. If Tom stayed strong, Summers might have reconsidered her position, and went after Tom who she could respect. The last man you want to marry is somebody who has everything but ... someone you have no respect for.

But... two roads diverged in a yellow wood. One things leads on to another, Summers might not have realized her error if it were not the disaster of having a "casual friendship" with Tom. Tom changed too, for better or for worse.

Which was why I wrote earlier:

Good thing my Heavenly Father knows better and gave me what I need more than what I want. In due time, as I grow into maturity, I will respect Him for that and be fulfilled by having what I truly need. As of now, we as sinful human beings, have distorted desires - it is good that God doesn't give in like Tom. But as i look back, I have been Tom many times, and I have been Summer quite a few times. It is good that with God, there is forgiveness through Jesus Christ. With Jesus, there is a new beginning - a true new beginning - not some "vain and baseless perspective of forgetting the past so that you can live for tomorrow". After all, truth is what we need. Lies can pretend to make us satisfied for a while, until ignorance is no longer bliss.