A Little Summary of Ambition

So far, topics that have been written basically revolves around theology, philosophy, psychology... Of course there are a few random posts about dreams, girls, and daily life.

I will quickly summarize the recent issues that my mind has been handling:

Studies are taxing and they demand long hours. I do not think I will be using the things I learn a few years after I graduate.

Studying engineering is a good training of my mind. I learn logical arguments. Since most people recognize engineering as a tough subject, perhaps they will respect my arguments more. I suffered a time when I think I did provide logical solid arguments ( though my methods of argument were still immature ), but I was pushed aside as I was still young, and had little achievements. Perhaps when Ifinish my degree, they will have to at least recognize an engineering degree if not me.

This line of thoughts will lead me on to my concerns about Career. I have a vision. In simplest language, it is to be faithful in doing what God wants me to do. I have thoughts about "what work creates the greatest impact". Of course, I come to learn that there is no such thing. However, please learn how I used an egoistic approach to reach this conclusion.

If I become a great leader, and I was inspired by some obscure pastor in some obscure place - then that pastor's obscure job is the work that creates the greatest impact. If my lecturer does not give me a hard time in University and then he influences me to be a faithful Christian in some way - then I become a good person, then his job is the best job.

However, when I think of it, it is not an entirely egoistic approach. The reason being my understanding that whatever thing I am in, God has set, and that has to be the best. Best not so much as in human terms, but in terms of God's grand plan. Since His grand plan consists not of many version except one, that is reality, then reality is the best.

A person can then think that I am watering down this whole doctrine that everything is best. Yes in some sense, i.e. as illustrated above. But of course, doing a job can have moral dimensions to it; but what God looks at is our faithfulness in doing our job - in a way that acknowledges that in my job I am really serving Him - the fulfilled needs as a result of my job being secondary.

Therefore, whoever that does a job in honour of God (personal responsibility) and as a result contribute to the good progression of reality - has the best job.

Of course, saying all this simply reveals my perspective of work - which I do owe Joshua Ng a big part to. However, this says little about what I really want to do.

What I really want to do. It might be a lil messy - but it is really all linked up.

Become a teacher in high school. Educate the kids well. If they end up being Christian, I pray that I will be able to mentor their high school years so that they will be matured - then they will become great leaders in the future. If I can raise up even a small group of Christians that will Love God with all their hearts - I think of myself as a great leader. How such a menial looking achievement can be thought of a great leader... even if I get this wrong, there ain't a better title than a child of God. My mom raising me to this day, she is a great leader.

If the students I teach end up becoming like me... of course they have become great leaders. I have thoughts of planting churches. What I really really want at the bottom is that... my life counts - for as much as possible. If a teacher gets the job done - I want to do it. If being a politician - that does it too. If it is a pastor - that does it too.

However, I can't really imagine myself an engineer for long. Anyway, this is also a part where I think my academics would come in. I hope that the teens will be glad an engineering student decided to teach them, and that he is a Christian - i.e. wow, it is a "Christian thing" to do that. Be a teacher to teach them not only how to solve a question, but the history, the whys and such... If the student doesn't become a Christian, I hope he still glorifies God that lives in me.

Besides that... It isn't simply only about academics and career. Apparent by now, it is my passion to think, to teach - whether I do a good job at it or not, I want to do it better anyway compared to now. I think I am built - to fail for the front part of my life, and also many instances of my life. Built - to struggle with my thoughts, thoughts about many things in life - to get wrong ideas and philosophies and approaches.

Then the grace of God that saves me is magnified. The simplicity of the Gospel, will triumph over my erroneous philosophies. My failures are as good as forgotten for God's overwhelming glory will surpass it. I have a strong sense of "I am built for this" thought, and it is a wierd thing I can't get it out of mind mind, neither do I want to do so.

I have little thoughts about doing it together with any other person. Every now and then, I do cross people - Christians, which I sometimes try to put them into my agenda of "my idea of God's plan". i.e. when I am the prime minister, he will be in charge of the finances, this guy looks like a good foreign policy guy, this guy will help me win the elections, etc. But really, from all I write, I think it shows that my friends are basically the people who have helped me in some ways, or most importantly are my spiritual mentors.

However, who I really want to do all this is with my wife.

My wife and I will become one flesh. Does it mean that our dreams will intertwine? I think so. She - will be the greatest leader. I can't imagine all the backstage jobs. Should all that I say come to pass in some way, she and I will ride on God's waves - wherever and however he brings.

We will endure things together. I don't think I will leave a life too smooth, although I don't see how my preferences would tilt that way. My wife and I will serve together. Being hardworking makes a total opposite of working hard alone. We will work, live, learn, play, - we will worship God together.

She is matured. She is growing in God stably. She is faithful in doing what God has put her to do. She has dreams of raising up good godly kids.

Hopefully, she agrees with me that raising good godly children is indeed one of the greatest achievements that any parent can have.

Everything, everything is linked. Wife - family, leaving a legacy, good works that last... this is really too much for another person to share. for now.

Hopefully, not too long.

tick tock tick tock...