Death Wish and a Note

Content is mildly mad, mildly offensive - to myself.

Early in the morning at about 7 am, I just woke up, my eyes remain closed - and the first thing that came to my mind was "Joel, even if you don't roll out of your bed now, start utilizing time and not waste it - lets start by thinking about important things in life"

And so, I started thinking of the upcoming Welcome Dinner by FOCUS (Fellowship of Overseas Christian University Students), inviting people to go to be introduced to it - and prayerfully coming with a desire to know the God of the Bible, would come to know God for eternity.

And so my mind raced through different aspects of evangelism, and I was thinking about myself dying one day. It seems that dying people can always play the "power cards" and have virtually everything they wish for - that in mind, may my power card be useful and may the reader discern that this 'power card' is indeed good medicine for the soul.

I wish that should I die one day suddenly - i.e. in my 20's or 30's of course hopefully till an old ripe age - but should I just die by tomorrow...

My wish is that the people who are close to me (my closer friends, my family) who are not yet Christians would come to simply read the Bible and find out who Jesus is, and perhaps trust in the God I call my Saviour.

My highschool friends - much of you I knew through Christian Fellowship, but you have departed far from the faith: Please do sit down once again and hear God speak through His Word. 5 years ago, we might be all "on fire" by concerts and motivational camps alike, but we have walked to a stage in life where we know our desire for ... WHOLENESS... is not an external source of hype. But this I assure you, in the quietness, even as the Bible is read, God's Word is heard. Please do read your Bibles again, it is God's Word, the Word that is all about Jesus, the Giver of Life, who is the Lord of the Universe - to which we owe our very existence to.

This is my wish, that as much as I love all of you from my heart (some of you have seen my days in highschool) - what I truly desire for you is not simply that I may see you in heaven, but that your souls might be filled with goodness and your lives might portray the glory of Jesus who is able to transform the most wicked soul.

To you my friends(some since primary school, some in high school, some in college and uni), every now and then I look through the photos you put in your facebook. I love you - and your photos tell me a lot about what goes on in your life - though you may not know, I appreciate that little contact that I think I have, but what saddens the heart is when I know my friends have departed from the God they once called Lover while there are some who stay in the faith have soaked themselves in a church that spends more time eating and playing music compared to reading the Bible, praying, and sharing the Gospel all combined together.

My wish, if you will care to fulfill - is something I will never see in this life. I would not know it if nobody fulfills it, but I hope in the moment of my death: not only I will look forward to seeing God face to face, but that my heart will be happy to know that somebody will read the Bible and know God as a result of my death.

Honestly, I have many plans for the future. The fact that I plan for my death is a testament - but as I grow up and as I see the harsh realities in life through the lens of the Bible, I know I am not bullet proof, neither am I germ/bacteria proof. I have plans for church, for country, and for the world - and I am all out to see it come to pass - i hope you would rejoice if you see my day coming, but if that day does not come, nobody really needs to know the details of the dream, for my dream is summed up in my death wish.

I am now reaching the prime of my life, within a year or two - I think I would have reached the maximum potential - from then on, the later parts of my life will build on what I have already built within these few years. If I lose - I have all to lose, but really I have nothing to lose. There are moments in time when I browse through my life and see the worthless things I have done - the fleeting moments of youthful ignorance, I now know this - what better use is there for my life than to spend it for the gospel's sake? I have heaven's joys to gain and all the world to lose.

Being 20 now, when virtually everything is accessible to me - the world has too little to offer. The glitters of this world has reached a point - something like eating too mcuh cheesecake, so much and too much of it. I invite you into my life - not so much mine, but this life I share with Jesus... and the truly good and fulfilling life is yours - so much good that (though I have not faced much yet), I will know - what are persecutions? what are rejections? Is not the narrow path that leads to salvation filled with such troubles?

But broad is the highway that leads to death, and many go through it. But narrow is the path that leads to salvation - few find it. Its an uphill slope, and knew what uphill slope meant along with a cross to carry.

What note do I have left? For some of you Christians, my brothers, who are feeling dry in church, find good materials to help you read the Bible. Much has been destroyed by various institutions who substitute the Word of God for fanciful teachings that seeks to convert men through parties - but the Word of God holds true and is not undermined by human inventions. Even Jesus finds some measure of strength within God's Words in times of temptation, in times of battle, in time(s) of death.

The merry world is fun but for a moment, and many indulge in it their whole lives. But when the show is over, the curtain is closed - and God the Director of the whole show walks up the stage... Everything is over. The show is over. Who then is it that I choose to please on the stage?

Up till now, I still have not spoken anything substantial about any teaching in God's Word - the reason is that I know my time is short... compared to 2000 years of church history where we read of Christians pouring their lives for the Gospel. The center of it all is the Gospel, and within the Gospel is where God's people place their mind, their hearts and lives... They! They have written much, all deriving from eternal truths within the Bible, read their words in light of God's Word and much teaching, precious teaching there is!

When I die (should I attain much achievements personally, let me never be remembered as a wonderful student, nor a brilliant teen, nor a curious person, neither wise nor good - for in the darkness, God knows what lurks within - He who sanctifies me cleanses not a clean thing, but a dirty one )... but let my grave and my tombstone be a signpost the points to God Almighty, Creator of Heaven and Earth - to Jesus Christ, God who loves me and gives Himself up for me.