It is difficult

One thing that is difficult in my life is to have double allegiance.

I hold to certain principles, but sometimes the principles doesn't seem to lead me to what I want. Many people say that there ain't that many clear cut things in life, but how can that be possibly true?

Of course, in the process in pleasing someone - some other person might be pleased. But can we choose to please two different people if they want essentially two different things?

And with issues like principles, there is no compromise to somehow fulfill both. Compromising on a principle isn't near half of keeping it. It is like keeping half a promise when it costs us more to keep the full promise.

We either choose to sacrifice to keep the promise - or break the promise and offer some sort of compensation. But this does not change the fact that the promise is broken. In that sense, only one can be chosen -

Who is the example of a real man that I can follow?

I remember Paul told Timothy to "imitate me, as I imitate Christ". Timothy somehow knew Christ too, but Timothy needed a man to imitate.

Who is willing to step up and say the same thing? Ain't there a man - who is man enough to say such words - follow me.

I'm not sure if only a girl needs to hear those words from the man of her life - but a boy also needs a man whom he can follow, so one day he can say the same thing to another girl. Why isn't there a man for such a time as this? Why have the boys ( who are supposed to be men ) still so playful? Why so childish?

The whole materialism that reflects insecurity - that is then promoted through all sorts of means is tearing down the human institution. Greed and lust is a disgrace. Buy a man with a woman, and buy a woman down the street with spare change. How lowly has this become...

When men aren't real men, how can a woman be a real woman - and we resort to all sorts of trickery, emotional manipulation - sometimes unknowingly, but sometimes knowing full well with a greedy heart.

But there isn't a better choice is there? We all have to settle for second best. So much so that should there arise a man one fine day that we should look up to... We would find it hard to believe since we are so used to the classical acts. It is so hard to think well of anybody, it is so difficult to choose.

It is all the more difficult, because I am one of them. Sheer determination is not futile - so we can probably achieve being a man somehow. But effectively speaking, everything is futile, because it is difficult to look into the future and see the fruits of this labour.

And where there is no vision, the people die.